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Are there any feminists in the Forum? 

 

I was browsing over a different forum on an unrelated site, and someone posted a picture of "Daddy's Rules" and a lot of people were disgusted by some of the rules, which to me seemed really common (I'll post the full list in the comments), but some of the comments they were making interested me. 

Some women were saying how they would not let any man treat them like this as they are feminists and wouldn't have a man "owning" them. 

I am also a feminist, and believe in it strongly. I want to know what everyone else thinks, does your Daddy own you? Do you own a little? What does it entitle? 

 

And what could you say to someone who says that this is an abusive relationship, and ownership is degrading? 

 

 

 

Daddy's Rules!

1. A little girl is polite at all times, be respectful, playful and graceful. 

2. Never be ashamed of getting wet. 

3. Every morning and night, Daddy gets a good night/good morning text. 

4. Never put yourself down. If you want a compliment, they will be honest and freely given. 

5. Intelligence makes Daddy happy. When out of playtime, use big girl words. 

6. No cursing outside of playtime.

7. You must send Daddy one picture daily while at work so he can forget the stress of the adult world. 

8. Always dress up for playtime with Daddy

9. Daddy must always give approval before buying new clothes. 

10. Little must ask before playing with Daddy's things

11. Little's pussy is Daddy's and no one elses. 

12. Ask Daddy for permission before playing with pussy. 

13. Ask Daddy for permission before cumming. 

14. When Daddy is hard, playtime is expected and you'll be rewarded with cummies. 

15. Always be honest and obedient. 

16. If rules are not obeyed, Daddy will give corrective time. 

17. Your safe word is "Reese's Pieces" 

18. Always do homework and never abuse substances. 

19. Exercise everyday and eat healthy.

20. No eye rolling or bratty behaviour. 

21. Remember you belong to Daddy.

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I am a feminist. And in my opinion being a feminist means supporting women in their choices(even if I don't agree with it). Of course there is more to it but that is part of it.

 

So if a woman enjoys someone owning her and controlling her and makes a conscious decision to allow a man(or even another woman) to do so, then it is fine by me.

 

How it is not abusive? Because 2 consenting adults entered into an agreement that this is what they both want. Its abusive when it is forced and unwanted by someone in the party.

 

 

And yes, when my future Daddy becomes my official Daddy he will own me completely....well at least when I am with him(I am poly and give my body/mind/spirit to all partners equally). And I GIVE myself to him willingly....he doesn't take it from me.

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I am a feminist. And in my opinion being a feminist means supporting women in their choices(even if I don't agree with it). Of course there is more to it but that is part of it.

 

YES THIS, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR, THANK YOU. 

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My Big owns me because I want to belong to him. At the end of the day we are both equal adult partners, who entered a dynamic we wanted to.

I'm a huge feminist so I believe in supporting women's decisions to be Dominant or submissive as much as we would support a man's decision to be in a D/s dynamic.

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I'm a feminist and I personally think that the daddy should have a set of rules if i have to. I may be submissive and act little but I am not a child and I am more than capable of making my own decisions. Yes i may run it by daddy (if i had one) but in the end, most things are my decision outside of being little. I am not someones property and that is a huge common misconception about being a sub. 

 

There is a line between being abusive and being a dom. I spent many years being emotionally and psychically abused by past boyfriends and daddies. In most relationships between a dom and sub, it's a sub being willing to submit to the dom and the dom taking on the responsibility of caring for the sub. 

 

Vanillas as i call them will probably never fully understand what I do and will most likely think the worst because people tend to do that when they don't understand something. I really hope this helps

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As a feminist the way I see it is that as long as it is a consensual decision between partners then there is nothing wrong with it. As other people have said just because somebody is a sub doesn't mean they aren't in control; even if they relinquish control it's still their choice to do so. On the abuse side of things there are abusive relationships in all dynamics from vanilla to hardcore bdsm and submission. Being in a kink doesn't make it an abusive one though. Again if somebody wants to be in this type of dynamic it is their choice to do so and that makes it just as respectable as a vanilla relationship.

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Feminists shouldn't have a problem with those rules, or any rules, for that matter. Normal feminists are usually able to understand that there's an equality in these kind of relationships, that these rules are agreed upon, that it's not something the Dom (Daddy or otherwise) just decides and the sub (again, little or otherwise) just agrees to without a say in it. Everything is discussed beforehand. 

 

RadFems, on the other hand, generally don't care about whether or not there's a discussion. They think that no woman should put herself under a man under any circumstance -- aka no being "owned". They believe this is degrading. They would be offended by other people being in this kind of relationship, and yes, disgusted too, even when it has nothing to do with them. 

 

It's not about abuse, though that does happen, definitely. This is about the fact that some women believe this takes us backwards in what we've accomplished with feminism, when that isn't true at all. D/s of any kind is about the partners being equal to each other and listening to each other's limits -- of course, that's obviously when it's a healthy relationship, but like I said, we're not talking about unhealthy, abusive partnerships right now. 

 

My point is, RadFems, in my experience, don't even listen when you try to educate them. They have their opinions, they're stubborn about them, and they refuse to change. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

i'm one of the most obnoxious feminists you'll ever meet. and i say that with pride. i see my relationship as both sexual liberation and emotional grounding. i was talking about this on Fet a little, but i see my relationship as letting myself be someone i wasn't ever allowed to be, at least not that i can remember. i have a great amount of control over my relationship right now. not as in i control things, but i get to make my bubble. my aim is to get to the point of TPE, but that won't be for a while. Daddy and i were actually talking about bank accounts the other day and how i would probably never feel comfortable ONLY having a joint bank account because of how my mom got screwed over in my parents divorce. basically, people are going to judge. but if i want to color in a coloring book and call it foreplay, then who gets to stop me?

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You sure can't beat the dogmatic as when it comes to these things in any kind of relationship, there's an 'lead' person who gets the final say by mutual agreement in one or more areas of life which as adults we are capable of freely entering into. For some people being taken care of in a mutually agreed way works better for them, sometimes with more traditional domestic roles, sometimes not and personally I'm a lot more happer with that.

It's interesting how last years liberating theory soon shows its limitations.

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I am a feminist. Seriously, my father and I fight about this stuff because I am just a "left winged democrat." But I am a strong feminist who believes in equality and ALL people have freedom to pursue whichever sexual relationship they prefer.

I agree with manicpixidream. For me, letting my little side out is me finally being the child I wasn't allowed to be. But I will fight to my death my right to engage in this type of relationship on my terms and for the right of anyone to be in safe and consensual bdsm relationship.

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 At one time, I might have described myself as a feminist. Unfortunately, the new wave of modern feminism, especially within the social media sphere does not seem to be aimed at equality anymore. I am an egalitarian, I believe everyone should be treated equally regardless of age, race, sex, religious affiliation, sexual orientation, or gender identity. That being said, unfortunately in the lexicon of SJWs, TPE or D/s relationships are somehow considered a form of violence. Specifically, relationships where the female takes a submissive role. It is a failure to comprehend the concept of adult consent.

 

 The miasma of misinformation and misrepresentation created by the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey only compounds the issue further. Christian Grey is not a Dominant, he is an abuser, and a stalker. The introduction of this tripe into the mainstream has created a mixed bag of social fallout, both good and bad. On one hand, it certainly has helped to inspire people everywhere to discuss their innermost desires with their partners or playmates. It has helped to bring aspects of BDSM into the light, so that outsiders to the lifestyle can see that it isn't actually all that unusual or taboo. On the other hand, I feel that it has created a false narrative that the kind of behavior we see in Christian Grey is somehow permissible. It is not.

 

 That being said, I think that most feminists rallying against BDSM, TPE, or D/s relationships are simply operating under the assumption that examples like 50 Shades is representative of what these relationships are all about. There are of course, some seriously misguided and angry people on the web. That is true among internet feminists as well as the flip side of the coin, the MRAs and the MGTOW movement. To that, I can attest personally. I was a MGTOW for about two years, until I discovered D/s dynamics. In that community, it is not at all uncommon to hear all manner of vitriol and shaming tactics being used against individuals who voice dissent. So, on both sides of the issue of sexual equality, there are both reasonable voices, and some detractors who are completely off their rockers.

 

 The fulcrum point in any adult relationship should always be informed consent by all parties involved, regardless of roles assumed. Even in the most extreme examples of TPE relationships, as one may see in the Gorean lifestyle, the submissive party has still given consent to surrender control to their Master or Mistress. I think that some see BDSM, in all of it's manifestations, as abuse simply because they don't understand consent and the mutual benefit present in D/s relationships.

 

 Sorry if that was a bit long winded, but there's my opinion concerning the outpouring of anger towards our lifestyle.

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Guest buddhagirl
Of course I'm a feminist. I'm a professional woman with a successful career-I deserve equal treatment and opportunity. I have two daughters-they deserves equal opportunity in life. My daddy is a feminist, as he loves and respects women and only wants the best for me and our daughters. I get to give him control and I could take it away, if I'd like. I couldn't do that on Saudi Arabia, for example.
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  • 2 months later...
Guest Tooshytoshine

But caregivers dont have to be hetero/Cis daddies or even mommies and littles aren't always Cis/hetero girls or Cis/hetero boys.

 

The ddlg dynamic can be varied and inclusive and that can make it progressive rather than reinforcing gender roles and sexism.

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They are his rules.... As long as there is time and space for a mutual, equal discussion of the rules, implications and adjustment, they are perfectly fine. 

As a feminist, there's nothing wrong with people having rules for their partners, all relationships have rules. As long as they are consentual, made with both sides aware and willing, it is fine. 

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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld
Oh that really gets on my nerves. These women huffing and puffing over someone else's choices. Nobody is asking them to follow any rules so they need to stay the hell out of my consensual relationship with my man that I CHOOSE to have!
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I used to call myself a feminist, but not anymore. The definition is imho so watered down that it can mean just about anything. And whats the point of define yourself as something when people still dont understand what you are.

I think all human beings have the right to choose a lifestyle that makes them happy, and if they are happy, that lifestyle isn't abusive.

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  • 2 weeks later...

That list is perfectly fine if both partners are consensual. Heck, I will have a good number of those rules for my little.

 

But what feminists seem to forget are a few very important points.

 

1: tooshy touched on this, but not every submissive is a woman. And not every dominant is a man.

 

2: the submissive ultimately has the final say, and a lot of power of her own. She could be strung up in a swing, bound, gagged, what have you, and if she says "red" or whatever the safe word is, scene OVER, period freaking dot.

 

My rule, if it's legal and consensual, game on.

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Guest kittycandy's Daddy

As Remi and ACD have said, perhaps a time before I would have called myself a feminist, but this third wave form is increasingly losing it's path. One of the reasons I stopped going on tumblr as much was due to moderates and radicals alike attacking bdsm. 

I'm all for equality when it's done right - attacking peoples lifestyles because #patriarchy, even in situations where a woman is the dominant rather than a man, isn't equality at all. I see nothing wrong with the rules as long as both parties agreed with them. 

Now what I'm witnessing is the very many sub groups for feminism and equality slowly attacking each other, it's just sad and shows how far gone the whole situation is. 

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Personal freedom is one of the things I'm most passionate about, and thats why I'm a feminist. To me, feminism is about letting women make their own life choices. I don't care for feminists who think otherwise and my view is pretty common among liberal fems. 

 

I'm really not a fan of SJWs of any kind. Even if I agree with what they're trying to say, the way they say it just turns me right off. I have always considered myself liberal but I hate this thought police liberalism that seems to be stemming from PC culture.

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I've always found myself more interested in Marxist feminism than liberal or Third Wave. The women who contribute to the general theoretical body of that line of thought are more interested in collective, social action than individual choices. As long as you're willing to fight the power, it's largely irrelevant what you do in your spare time so long as, as a woman, you're conscious of how people internalize social relations.

 

The Dominance/submission dynamic does reflect the workings of power in an oppressive society, but this doesn't necessarily equate to a condemnation of that lifestyle. Rather, it strikes me as a call to be very conscious and careful when it comes to exploring this dynamic in a deliberate and consensual way. Feminists of the radical and Marxist varieties seemed to be critical of, say, "50 Shades" not due to BDSM per se but due to the subtly manipulative characterization of Grey and a very clumsy handling of women's empowerment and the problematic of BDSM in a male-dominated system.

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Guest Tooshytoshine

I've always found myself more interested in Marxist feminism than liberal or Third Wave. The women who contribute to the general theoretical body of that line of thought are more interested in collective, social action than individual choices. As long as you're willing to fight the power, it's largely irrelevant what you do in your spare time so long as, as a woman, you're conscious of how people internalize social relations.

The Dominance/submission dynamic does reflect the workings of power in an oppressive society, but this doesn't necessarily equate to a condemnation of that lifestyle. Rather, it strikes me as a call to be very conscious and careful when it comes to exploring this dynamic in a deliberate and consensual way. Feminists of the radical and Marxist varieties seemed to be critical of, say, "50 Shades" not due to BDSM per se but due to the subtly manipulative characterization of Grey and a very clumsy handling of women's empowerment and the problematic of BDSM in a male-dominated system.

DID SOMEONE SAY MARXISM.

 

BDSM isn't just strictly a gender based issue. Like you say, it represents power dynamics in a society. Men are submissives too. I wouldn't say BDSM or CGL/DDLg are inherently representative of oppressive gender dynamics, but the people who partake in these things can be. It's all about how you engage in the lifestyle.

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I agree that it isn't strictly an issue of gender, but we can agree that gender questions do intersect with the overall issue of BDSM and kink lifestyles. I can't articulate it well, but even a man being dominated can still reflect, at least to some extent, gender power dynamics in society; consider how "weak" men are compared to women.
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Guest Tooshytoshine
^good point. Submissiveness as a trait is ascribed generally and unconsciously and consciously to women and if you're a guy who is submissive you're a "sissy". Basically the worst thing a dude can be is like a woman for him to be "put in his place". That side of the domme/male sub world makes me uncomfortable but I do see how it reflects societal perceptions.
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There's an industry of "feminism" (really a mode of petty bourgeois liberalism) that deals in judgment and outrage rather than dialectic and assessment of real-world conditions. Again, as long as it doesn't interfere with baby's Leninism studies, Daddy's good with it.
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  • 9 months later...

Hi everyone !

 

I post here because it's an issue that I find interesting. In fact, I looked up for the key word 'feminism'.

A disclaimer: I want to stress that I'm pretty new to ddlg, so I will only gave my first impressions - and I'm happy to be corrected, discuss and/or learn more. I'm also no expert in feminism whatsoever.

 

It's great to see that so many of you are feminists. I can also understand that external people are shocked by some BDSM practices where women are objectified. Still, as long as it is between adults and consent, I guess most people would agree it's okay. Another point I find important is that -as someone stresses above- it's not only the women who are dominated in such relationships.

 

Still, there are some details that makes me a bit uncomfortable in ddlg - or the firts impressions I have from it. First, I have the impression that to be a little (girl) is a lot about pink/girly stuffs. So, my question is, are they also little girls that like blue stuff? And more generally behave like little kids (in gender neutral way - stuffies for instance, are neutral...)? Of course they are, but I have the impression the norm in ddlg is to promote pink stuff and girly girls (in a way, it's about girliness more than littleness). Another question I have, is, are they here littles that in the adult space are more on the masculine side (tomboy, etc.)? I simply ask because that's the kind of people I like and was wondering if it's compatible :)

 

My second remarks is, don't you think "ddlg" as an expression should one day become more (gender) neutral ...? (because they are mommies, and girls looking for mommies, and boys, etc., not only little girls and daddies). I think this could increase acceptance outside this scene and above all reduces confusions. Of course, we are all attached to this expression but things change ;)

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Purrrrrr !

 

PS : yes my star is blue and I'm a boy, I guess myself I'm pressured by society :D

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