DD/lg and the importance of terminology

[xBabydollx]

First I would like to say how glad I am for the ppl this have helped, or simply made ppl feel less alone!

 

There is so much to comment on haha. To start, yes nonsexual fetishes and kinks exist, and has always been mind-boggling to me that most ppl seem unable to understand that. What I mean by child-like qualities is someone who have moments of behaving or thinking like a child; may be super playful, silly, an innocent way of thinking or behaving etc. Even someone who is considered childish is a good way to look at it. Another thing I want to mention is that not all littles or ppl involved in BDSM are sexual. BDSM is not all about sex or sexual things. u can be a little and not be sexual, be sexual only sometimes, or be sexual all of the time. Some littles are sexual in the bedroom, but may not be sexual outside of the bedroom. For example when I age regress, I am disturbed by anything sexual, but when I'm not deep into little space then sexual things are just fine. Other ppl may be deep into little space and still be able to be sexual at the same time. Either way is fine.

 

As far as being a little and an AB or anything else, it is important to know that u can be a mix of things! Humans are complex creatures. I am a sub/little/pet and prey occasionally. I am also a Domme. I have qualities of various things and so I fit into various communities, there is no reason to feel pressured to choose 1 thing. I know tonsssssss of ppl who are a mix of things. So personally, I have various headspaces and transition between them fluidly as it is all a part of who I am. If u feel like a little rn  then like a simple kinky sub 5 mins later, then that is ok! u just have to find someone willing and able to take joy in the various sides of u. The amount of ppl who are a mix of things are far from a short list.

 

I have no idea why some ppl consider DL a part of ageplay, it is its own separate thing. u can be a diaper lover and enjoy age play, or not like ageplay at all. I guess it is similar to DD/lg in the sense of 'chalking everything up into one thing'. As for CG/l I agree that ppl incorrectly use it as a gender-neutral term for DD/lg. CG/l is something completely different. Like I mentioned in my first post, titles change depending on gender and sexuality. If u are a guy looking for a guy u can very well say Daddy Dom/little boy. Mommy Domme/little girl. I understand how frustrating it may be to see it constantly called Daddy Dom/lg or DD/lg, but CG/l is definitely not the right term to replace it with. With CG/l I personally don't like when they call themselves little because then ppl confuse them with actual littles as they are often just age players/age aggressors/or AB which is not apart of DD/lg at all. But again, I believe that comes from ppl desperately seeking blanket terms.

 

I hope I didn't miss anything lol.

[ILikeTheSummer]

 With CG/l I personally don't like when they call themselves little because then ppl confuse them with actual littles as they are often just age players/age aggressors/or AB which is not apart of DD/lg at all. 

 

it feel like 10% of the threats on this forum are some form of who is fake and who is real... i do not think terminology is important because BDSM itself is a very lose and broad term...

as you said most people are very complex and because of that i do not think we need labels except to make ourself feel superior to others

 

there is no BDSM authority who decides what definition is the right one, so it is open to everyone to interpret it however they like

 

but that's just my 2 cents

Edited February 20, 2018 by ILikeTheSummer

[xBabydollx]

I've never used the words fake or real, tho some ppl are definitely not 'real' littles or Daddies. Like I said in my first post, if u don't meet the general characteristics of the meaning of DD/lg then no, I don't and won't consider u a little or Daddy. Everything in life is open to interpenetration, however, there are meanings to things that most of society adhere to (goggle searches of a term can often clear up the meaning of something so i'm not talking about my 'opinion' of what a word means). With this in mind, most of society agrees the sky is blue, a chair is a chair, a car is a car. Just because somebody tells me the sky is green doesn't mean I have to agree with them when it doesn't match up to the known terminology that most of society accepts. BDSM is a broad spectrum yes, but it definitely has its own meaning. Ppl will always have their own interpretations, but the general meaning to most of society won't change. Just like most things in life, everyone won't always be on the same page, but when there is a 'general knowledge' or ' term' for something, it doesn't hurt to know it. Sometimes labels can be used to separate ppl or things, other times it is a great way or benefit for most or all ppl to be on the same page and have a general understanding. 

[xBabydollx]

To further clarify, the terminologies (to me anyway) are not used to cause a feeling of superiority. one person is not better because they are a little, an age player, or AB etc. They are just all different and have their own lane so to speak. If I'm a little and u were an AB, I see no reason to 'look down' on u just because ur lifestyle differs from mine. It's like vegan and vegetarian, similar, but still 2 completely different lifestyles.

[ILikeTheSummer]

I've never used the words fake or real, tho some ppl are definitely not 'real' littles or Daddies. Like I said in my first post, if u don't meet the general characteristics of the meaning of DD/lg then no, 

that is calling them fake, and the meaning of DD/lg is not a set term for the meaning of DD/lg... you ask 100 people they give you 100 different definitions

just because you use one of those 100 doesn't mean yours is the right one... i agree with yours but that doesn't mean others are suddenly wrong

People are even fighting about what the D in BDSM stands for... is it dominance? is it discipline?....

We have dictionaries to find common definitions for terms so we can talk about them and have the same understanding of the term... 

In the english language the Oxford dictionary is accepted by most to be an authority on that... we use their definition for a word to describe it...

there is no such thing for the term DD/lg it's not in a dictionary we have 1000 people screaming their definition into the void of the internet... if there was a common definition the porblem you describe wouldn't exist

 

so terminology is cool and all but terminology requires actual clear definitions...

vegan has a the widely accepted definition to be someone who does not eat animal produce

vegetarian has the widely accepted definition to be someone who does not eat meat

Daddy Dom has no widely accepted definition

Littel Girl (in BDSM) has no widely accepted definition....

of course there's definitions out there and you can choose to accept one or the other but there is a plethora of definitions out there that differ and everyone is free to choose which ever one they want 

[xBabydollx]

There are various definitions out there, but there is definitely some that are most accepted/agreed upon socially and in terminogy when it comes to BDSM which is why I say 'general knowledge' as most are on the same page. Definitely not all. I am not rude or bashful to ppl who do not fit the 'generally accepted' terminogy to various terms in BDSM but I do not accept them as what they claim to be as they do no fit the general definition. Does it make me right or them wrong? No. Like u said everyone has their own interpretations, but I think its hard to disagree that general terminologies for these various terms does exist. Things will be much easier if everyone was on the same page, but I don't see that happening any time soon. My main focus of this post was why is DD/lg is so loose to interpretation when other forms of D/s or life is not. I rarely see anyone argue what a Dom or sub is. What is sadism or various other things.

[ILikeTheSummer]

I rarely see anyone argue what a Dom or sub is. What is sadism or various other things.

a dom is a dominant that is literally as broad as it gets...

and sadism is again a term you can find in any dictionary i mean since Marquis de Sade we know about Sadomasochism that was in the 1700 

maybe in 300 years we have a clear definition about what DD/lg is but i do very strongly believe that right now we do not have sufficiant experience evidence or knowledge as a community to decide what is right and wrong and i assume that most people's experiences come from online BDSM communities since my experience in real life BDSM communities has been wildly different as to what means what and what is accepted as what

[xBabydollx]

Well I look forward to those 300 years, too bad I won't be here to see it haha. As for online vs irl I can agree that lots of thing are treated very differently, tho I have also met many who exp both and still views and expectations line up the same

[Guest mayachan]

Imagine if there is no clear definition, and you're not fitting the norm. I was lurking around ddlg community for some time but never felt like i could fit in. Not in here of course, this place is best Here is some of the reasons that i felt that way, taken from various ddlg places and people.

I cannot take in part in ddlg because:
 

- I am a trans.

- I am a trans and i want Daddie not a Mommy

- I am seeing it as something more than sexual type of fun

- I got bunch of traumas

- I am kind of disabled and I need real Caretaker

- I am older than 21 year old

- I am in place in which it's not popular and it's all about community

- I like discipline and how it helps in my life instead of giving me sexual feelings

- My little age is in range older than diapers and and paci

- I am too submissive to be a little - it's all about being bratty and playful

- I am too calm and you need to be really energetic as a little

- I am destroying a chance of my Daddie to have real kids in future (because it's about raise and then breed)

- I am not self sufficient person

- I am easily scared

- I would propably not have long life

- I am not 100% monogamic

- I am not active enough in manners of sexuality

- I don't like pain

- I don't like incarceration

- I plan to work to "grow up" out of it.

- I am giving my Daddy too much authority over me

- My Daddy isn't way older than me

 

Among others...

Clear definition helps a lot, instead everyone got their own definition. It's based in personal experience and as you can see could be pretty skewed.

[ILikeTheSummer]

Imagine if there is no clear definition, and you're not fitting the norm. I was lurking around ddlg community for some time but never felt like i could fit in. Not in here of course, this place is best Here is some of the reasons that i felt that way, taken from various ddlg places and people..

Clear definition helps a lot, instead everyone got their own definition. It's based in personal experience and as you can see could be pretty skewed.

the only reason there is a norm is because there is one definition

football is 11 players playing against 11 players kicking the ball with the goal to score points

if you decide you want 19 players playing against 3 kids and you roll watermelons around on the floor that's abnormal if we talk about football

 

i know it's a really really really stupid analogy

but normal only exists because we choose to define something as normal

if we choose to include many many many different definitions we delude what it means and suddenly much more people are included in the activity... the community grows... yes we have some people who are more conservative with their definition and some who are more liberal but we can all enjoy it.... and not just include those who fit our definition...

 

in your example if it so happend that the definition of DD/lg only included CIS females you'd not be part of it same with lb or MD etc etc a definition is usually only limiting instead of opening up

I'm very happy that this forum is very open to all types of sex/gender/identitiy etc and we don't conform with a very conservative definition of what DD/lg is

[Petal]

See, it's really complicated.  Because while I agree that it's a good thing that the forum is open to other things, I know that labels are important.  More than what is "normal" or not, labels are a way of defining ourselves.  Categorizing.  Finding commonality and sanctuary.  To some, this is only a little important (like me) but to some it's vital to their health and wellbeing.  So although I think there will always be exceptions to rules and outliers to definitions, categorization is definitely vital in one way or another.  Otherwise, we wouldn't do it!

 

I never really thought of myself as DDlg, but after reading this thread I'm starting to think I was wrong about that.  I definitely fit the definition.  But I'm not on this site for DDlg stuff, ironically.  I'm more on it for my CGL stuff.  Being Little and having likeminded friends.  So I'm really happy this website has a place for that.  I don't think this website has to limit itself just because DDlg has a stricter definition. (Though it can be alienating...)

 

Lastly, I think Little needs to be taken as a general term.  CGL and DDlg both use "little", so it isn't exclusive to the D/s side of things.  In my opinion, a Little is anyone who gets into and uses Little Space to be happy.  And I understand that can cause conflict within the DDlg community, as some littles may not fit the "lg" mold.  And this website tends to attract both versions of "Little" (all versions, really, because it's stupid to think there are only two versions).  So it's complicated.  But I don't think "complicated" can be helped.

 

Which leads me to the author's original point.  It's okay if you're the wrong kind of Little for somebody, but it's helpful (to everyone!) to know what kind you are.  Where you stand.  Because if you can articulate your definition of self, then people don't feel misled.  Then you don't have "fake littles", but "not my kind of little".

 

(I like this thread! XD)

[xBabydollx]

Petal, with u saying a little is someone using little space, I see that more of an age regressor or ageplayer. As their minds or actions go 'younger' and not all littles actually do that. As for everything else it falls into the 'no way true way' type of deal, and that titles change depending on the ppl involved. Like I mentioned in my first post, it includes their gender and sexality. Being a little have nothing to do with being trans, disabled, older than a certain age, or anything else. u can be all those things and be a little, tho I understand it being alienating if for example u are the only little u know over 21. Or the only black little amongst a lot of white ones. But none of those things stops u from being a little, perhaps can just affect comfortability? For example, a lot of ppl say 'fake' little or daddy. They use it so loosely. u are not a fake little because this person is sexual and that person is not. U are not a fake Daddy because u dont care about ur little coloring or using a diaper. u are not a fake little if u are poly and want 3 Daddies. u are not a fake Daddy if u want sex more than other things. So on and so on. All those things revolve around compatibility. Just because someone doesn't match ur needs doesn't make them fake. Only when they don't meet the core definition of what a little or Daddy is, is when I personally and RESPECTFULLY walk away. Like petal said in the end, it is super helpful to have an understanding of self, as it better helps u articulate to partners and others what ur desires are, thus imo finding a match much easier or harder without them. In my experience, terminology have helped me a lot to better find like minded ppl. u do not have to be rude or hateful to ppl with differienting views or standpoints, but I dont believe I or anyone else just have to be accepting or inclusive to those ppl either. I dont believe that is either 'right' or 'wrong'

[Petal]

There are Littles that don't have Little Space? o_o

 

How would you define Little?  Not the specific DDlg category of Little, but the broad umbrella term?  Because Little definitely goes beyond DDlg.  I don't know if DDlg or Little came first, but the word has clearly evolved beyond the confines of the D/s relationship.  Same with "gay" or "asexual".  It's a new definition now.  But I'm wondering what that definition exactly is!

 

I though it had to do with Little Space but I didn't know there were Littles that didn't feel that.

(This is super fascinating to me XD)

 

Edit: Oh, and on the topic of inclusivity, it's like... how LGBT doesn't represent asexuals even though it includes them.  That's why they tack on those letters, like LGBTQA+.  So when I see DDlg I already feel left out, even though I fit the definition perfectly.  But just as we can't change LGBT because it's too late in the life cycle (I personally love GSRM - gender, sexual, and romantic minority) we probably can't change DDlg to a more inclusive term either.  It's sucky, but DDlg has made a mark.  Erasing it and drawing over it probably won't happen.

Edited February 20, 2018 by Petal

[ILikeTheSummer]

There are Littles that don't have Little Space? o_o

 

How would you define Little?  Not the specific DDlg category of Little, but the broad umbrella term?  Because Little definitely goes beyond DDlg.  I don't know if DDlg or Little came first, but the word has clearly evolved beyond the confines of the D/s relationship.  Same with "gay" or "asexual".  It's a new definition now.  But I'm wondering what that definition exactly is!

 

I though it had to do with Little Space but I didn't know there were Littles that didn't feel that.

(This is super fascinating to me XD)

 

you can ageplay without being in little space for example

or just a scene where one is little and the other big

[Petal]

you can ageplay without being in little space for example

or just a scene where one is little and the other big

 

 

Hmm... alright.  That makes sense. *nods* I mean, when I'm roleplaying I don't feel little.  I feel submissive, but it's definitely not Little Space.  So I see what you mean!

 

Then how DO you define "Little"?

[Guest mayachan]

First i am all in for definitions and norm. Those things I listed were other people insisting it's not a ddlg and you don't fit because... I thought this is coming from lack of clear definitions.

I think Little (in ddlg term) is someone who like being in Little Space. But i don't see Little Space as a role - more like psychological state.

State in which you revel and feel comfrort in situations in which someone else is taking care of you. A person who is deeply in love with you and take pleasure from you achieving your happiness. It's a state of highened emotions and relieving stress by letting yourself feel weak and vulnerable without fear of regret.

At least this is how I see it. A Little with romantic heart.

Edited February 20, 2018 by mayachan

[xBabydollx]

What I mean is, a little is a submissive with child like qualities, but not every little ageplay or age regress at all. So, they do not color, want a paci, onesie or other typical little things that many who age regress partake in. Personality wise they are still child-like at times so is still a little. There are many littles who do not age play or age regress and thus they may not ecpierence much of a 'little space' in the typical sense of the word.

[xBabydollx]

The biggest difference with being little vs one who simply ageplay (not to be confused with age regressing) is that a little is part of a mindset, the child-like qualities are put of who they are as a person along with desiring that sort of power exchange. While someone who ageplay is role-playing or pretending to be a certain young age while in character, during a role, or during a scene with a partner or by themselves

[Petal]

@mayachan - I think Little Space is a psychological state too!  I mean, it definitely is.  You just sort of "feel" it, you know?  Like how you feel how alcohol changes you, or how being sleepy changes you.  I mean, those are physical states, but it's the same principle, but emotionally or psychologically.  And a Little would be someone who likes going into that state.  Which doesn't mean you have to always be little to be a Little.  But it's a feeling you like.  Little is ageplay, but ageplay isn't necessarily Little.

 

So I guess we are all sort of saying the same thing?  I feel like we need a diagram or something. XD

 

BDSM and Ageplay would be the blanket categories. (Age regression is sort of like... a spin-off of age play where you psychologically regress instead of act it out.  In which case you probably wouldn't be "a Little" so much that you "are little".  Which I can accept, as someone who does this!  So for the purposes of this discussion, it's sort of off to the side.)

 

BDSM trickles down into BD, DS, SM, which are all pretty self-explanatory.  Then DDlg would be under DS.  So all DDlg is BDSM, but not all BDSM is DDlg!

 

Then Ageplay trickles down into AB (younger and more physically oriented) or Little (older and more psychologically oriented).  So then Littles name this psychological state they get into: Little Space.  Obviously there's a ton of other stuff too, but I'm just simplifying here.  I guess this is where CGL fits, too?  A relationship term for Littles on this side of things.  And DDlg (which is a D/s version of CGL) also falls here.  So all DDlg is Ageplay but not all Ageplay is necessarily DDlg!

 

So I guess Littles should be defined by their enjoyment of Little Space.  Not to say they have to always be in Little Space, or every DDlg/ageplay encounter requires it.  But they just need to enjoy that state.  And that's what makes a Little!

 

But that's extremely... broad.  Which is the point of the thread I guess?  The point is: people should learn all the stuff and exactly what it means so they can communicate better with the community!

 

But you can probably have a daddy dom/little girl dynamic where the little girl isn't interested in Little Space at all and just likes the role-play elements.  Would that be DDlg or just a D/s role-play?  Can you have DDlg without Little Space at all?  Are they still a Little in that case? (Also I'm not saying if you haven't been in Little Space you aren't a Little.  Some people have problems with it, but they are still interested in it!)

 

Anyway, this conversation is super cool.  So if anybody has something to say about my philosophy please reply! <3

 

Edit: when I say Little Space, I think that's a very different thing for very different people.  But I liked Mayachan's description: "State in which you revel and feel comfort in situations in which someone else is taking care of you. A person who is deeply in love with you and take pleasure from you achieving your happiness. It's a state of highened emotions and relieving stress by letting yourself feel weak and vulnerable without fear of regret." Though I would add that it doesn't have to be about a caregiver, but about a situation or circumstance akin to having one.

Edited February 21, 2018 by Petal

[xBabydollx]

This is what I was trying to say in my previous post. There are a lot of ppl into DD/lg or who are littles but they do not ageplay or have a typical littlespace. There are a ton of littles who never mentally feel younger than who they are, or pretend to be physically younger than what they are (ageplayers does these things. Keeping in mind u can be a little and an ageplayer at the same tine). Also, I like their description as well, minus the being deeply it love/romance aspect as many ppl are capable of living a DD/lg lifestyle without being in love with their partner or having a typical vanilla relationship aspect as well. Being in love is not something everyone needs in order for their dynamic to work. Not to mention, many littles can exp littlespace alone/without a caregiver.

[TheDaddyest]

DDlg is one of the more complicated kinks out there since there is so much variation. And things get worse since people who have even less popular kinks have no real community to turn to. Not to mention the Dom/mes who are only in it because they see littles are vulnerable and easy. There are tons more reasons someone would come into the community without actually being a CG/l. The only real solution is to understand redflags and deal with people accordingly. Which isn't a good solution but the only one I've found that works. There are so many more problems in the community but going with the flow and dealing with things as they come seem to be the best choice we have. 5