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Help for a confused little


Babyferi
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Hi first post here..

I've been aware of the ddlg community for close to a year now and have been slowly trying to get my partner more informed

...were in a long term nearly 7 year relationship and have lived together for years but I always felt unsatisfied and like there was a big hole in our relationship until I found out about "littles.. See I've been trying to get my partner into this as well and he says to me that he's really into it likes it etc.. But the thing is he's very sexually uneducated and after six months of me calling him daddy he revealed he's never even looked up ddlg let alone knows what it means I also think im an ab so that's a whole bother situation .. Also today while I was having a panic attack he says to me that people will hear me and I'm making a scene indeed of helping me breathe and calm down ..

Any ideas of what might be going on with him or how to help him?? Are some people just not the right fit for being a daddy? Tia

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Guest mayachan

Some people are more fitting to be a Daddy than others. It is a bit hard to convince people to life in a way they don't want to but as you said this might be a case of lack of education and stereotypizing.

For my relation that was transformed into ddlg it really helped drawing the proper contract and definition of our "roles". I don't think your partner is as commited as mine is to write the contract ,but maybe a talk about power dynamics could help? Like - telling him youre giving a bit of you freedom over to him, man like power in most cases and it will give him sense of stability, it helped it my relation so maybe it will help with yours. Remember trust is very important in bdsm it's hard to create something lasting without it, so maybe some way of showing that you trust him so much and love him so much that you're willing to go that far into a rabbit hole? To a world of wonders in which he is a King after all.

Also sorry to say this , but  he acted a bit like a jerk, not even as a Daddy but as a partner overall. I think it would be wise idea to talk with him how he made you feel.

Edited by mayachan
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Thanks for the reply :) I've suggested rules etc and he made some that could never be followed and also wasn't sticking to them himself :/ I think it is a problem of not knowing about it etc but it's like he also doesn't care to look up? I tell him about all the stuff I look up on the Internet all the ddlg stuff and he's still just as uninterested... It makes me feel silly I guess that I would wear a cute onesie and call him daddy all while he doesn't really understand? We've not got a normal relationship (I work and he's at looking at the moment) so I'd love to be able to come home and relax and be babied :( I try to worship the ground he walks on and would do anything to make him happy and feel good but it's like he doesn't know anything and won't try for me :/

Thanks for the reply though I've never spoken to anyone apart from my partner about ddlg so it's very helpful x

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Guest mayachan

Blind obedience is sometimes boring, maybe try to be a bit bratty ? And then look in his eyes and ask him if  you deserve punishment because you were such a bad girl? You know, try to make it more appealing and a bit more sexualized - maybe if he tame a wilder beast he will see the value of your submissiveness and obedience.

Rules that cannot be followed? What kind of rules, can i hear an example? ?? Do you have any rules that specifically benefit him ? 

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Ohh I'm a very bratty little anyways and instead of him putting me in line he just gets annoyed with me or won't even notice that I'm being bratty ... The rules went ages ago and we don't currently have any but they were things like no swearing (I have a foul mouth anyways but he never punished me for swearing) or respecting daddy also things that he can't even watch for like ask permission for (x) but he didn't keep an eye ort and he wasn't looking out for me following the rules and I came home one day and ripped them up because I was so upset at not being taken seriously I guess :(I keep saying to him that anything he wants to do I am down for I don't have any limits (so far) and have only ever been in a relationship with him so not sure what do to :( Ive made it clear to him that I wouldn't ever want to pressure him and if he's not comfortable with something I'm okay with that, and his response is he likes it but then won't even look it up... He also says he had no kinks before me x
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I guess no rules that specifically benefited him but breaking certain rules meant daddy could do what he wanted with me and he never took that chance even though I was super bratty I guess trying to make him punish me but it just doesn't happen :(
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Guest mayachan

Ask him what he likes in it, maybe you're focused not in correct area ?

Also breaking rules in my opinion isn't enough to be bratty, doing this and being proud of yourself and just rub it in His nose is.

Like me for example getting late back to home, not answering phone and when I am in home I just look at him and be like ... So what? Do I even got to ask for permission? Why?  Are you even my Daddy? Because you don't act like one !

Then after punishment act like a meek sheep until I feel neglected again and poke him in nose again.

Edited by mayachan
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I think tbh he's has a repressed childhood he doesn't watch porn and never even asked me for sex before i told him I was interested in ddlg... So I think it's more of an uneducated thing like how does he even know his opinions on stuff if he doesn't know about it.. We got together when we were 16 and it'll be seven years together this year and even though we've had some bumps along the way I think we're both commited to eachother.. Just trying to think of ways to help him open up a bit and take more of an interest but maybe it's just wishful thinking!
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Guest mayachan

From your descriptions he looks like a bit of cold and collected person... If I were in my shoes i would still act super bratty just to see what will happen. Showing him a bit of disrespect (like refusing asks and commands, but in a way that will touch him) and such to see if he is even into being dominant.

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Tried that and he doesn't even notice -_- for example we have a safe word etc and I like a lot of consensual non consent so I've said hey if I ever say no it's because I like the fight and like that you push me etc but the last time I said "no daddy..." he backed off and changed the subject its a bit of a hard one I guess.. He also says I pressure him

Which makes me feel worse about it :( and the way I see it like if this is hot to you it shouldn't be a chore to leArn

.. Thinking we might lose the daddy dynamic (not that it was ever there) for a little while to give it time to progress naturally..

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Because every time he calls himself daddy at the moment it makes me upset bevause he doesn't even know about my ab side let alone having a ddlg relationship :/thanks for the venting!!
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Guest mayachan

No problem, it's good to not have too many bottled emotions, especially if you're a little. Let me guess he got very cold and a bit of sad and lazy when started to look for job? My Daddy was not a Casanova either when he didn't have a job. When he found one he got a bit a bit more confident in his abilites and his dominant side resurfaced. Before that time he was like - stressed all the time and when i tried to be playful it just annoyed the fluff out of him.

Edited by mayachan
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I'm speaking on my own behalf here, but I don't think being a daddy is something that can be learned or taught, if it were the case that he understood your feeling now then you would be very aware of the input he would have. that being said I do think some people are just not cut out for it!

I think having to teach someone how to be daddy defeats the whole process of a daddy already having a natural lean towards this lifestyle and a want to make every effort to make that happen together.. he would want to join you and participate no matter what even if you want to little time around him ... sippy cups cuddles and snack times! as well as a daddy having some knowledge of your sexual desire and enthusiasm for any kinky situations as they arise in all ddlg relationships... because a princess should always come first!! 

If hes walking around calling himself daddy and you clearly see hes not, then I think 'daddy' has seen to many movies and you should broaden your horizons and look for a ready waiting daddy with everything you need! they are out there.

hope this helps x

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Mayachan yes he's very stressed out and that rings true to me too so hopefully things may get easier..

Thanks for the advice cooldaddy sometimes I do think that it would be easier ad there is so much history with us but in a way thats why we both wanna make this work because weve been through a lot together and we are really good friends but sometimes I think that's what he'd rather me as just a friend? I think it's confidence issues as well and I do want a future with him so I'm willing to be patient with it! But after six months or so not much has changed >.<

Phew feel better now that's all off my chest at least thanks again guys :)

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To answer ur question, yes some ppl are not fit to be a Daddy. Or a little. This kink is fairly small compared to the vanilla world and being a Daddy or little is just part of who u are. It's not something u can become if the characteristics isn't already there/part of their personality or desires. What's most interesting here is that he is not interested enough in DD/lg to even bother learning about it. Just think about ur self for a second. When a person finds something that really resonates with them, they research it, they ask questions about it, they ache to learn more. He doesn't show any interest in any of that. So maybe he does like it to an extent, but definitely not to the same level as u I don't think. The most important thing to remember about this lifestyle is that it revolves around consent. I understand that u wish he was more into it, but his behaviors suggest otherwise. It'll be different if he was willing to learn, but he isnt. u can try sitting him down and letting him know how important this is for u. Then u can ask if he would be willing to learn more about it. u can also ask what aspects of this lifestyle appeals to him and what doesn't so those aspects can be implemented. It's not unlikely that he may not like bratty behavior, or rules, or many other things. He may only like being called Daddy and not actually be a Daddy. u need to find out what he does like and expand from there, but only if he is willing to learn and try. Doing things to try to get a rise out of him, or trying to tug on some sort of 'Dominant strings' without his known consent is not the way to go. u need to communicate with him, find a compromise if he is willing, or u will need to just let it go or move on.
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Whenever I talk to him about it I get very upset (part of my personality is I'm so emotional and can't really control that) but he gets angry and bored of me whenever I bring it up...like he thinks I'm being stupid and is still saying I'm pressuring him when I've said so many times that I don't want to do this if he's not into it :/ I don't think he wants to be a daddy but cant stand up for himself and say no to me would rather just try and "wing it"
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Well the fact that he feels 'pressured' says a lot, as well as his hostile response in those situations (tho it may steam from u coming across as angry in those moments). Clearly something about it all is very frustrating to him. It could be just how bad u want it. Even tho u say u would let it go, maybe he doesn't believe it cuz he sees how into it u are? If u struggle vocalizing ur self, perhaps u can try writing him a letter or a private post on a blog about ur feelings and desires so he can read it then u can communicate about it afterwards.
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