My Daddy is a new Daddy. He took it very seriously when we first got together and now it seems like he is more my little and I, his Mommy. He notices this, says he doesn't like it yet does nothing to change it and knows that this is a very serious part of my life. He knew I was a little before even dating me (we were best friends for 6 years prior and even then he claimed he wanted to know more about being a Daddy and showed more interest until he actually started dating a little...me....). I don't know what to do. We've had countless discussions, arguments, etc. I've tried to get him to talk to other people in the community, read articles, anything. He says he wants to improve but does absolutely nothing for more than a day or two after I break down crying or being a complete you-know-what. I don't want to be nag and I feel like I only get a couple hours of little space once every couple months. Other than that, I'm responsible for cooking, cleaning, bills, everything. He does help. He's not completely lazy and useless and he is a good man just not understanding of a Daddy's role. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe there is something I haven't thought of. Someone, please, help.
I Miss Feeling Little
7 replies to this topic
Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:32 AM
umm u kind of said it in ur first few lines. He takes on a little role and u the Mommy...perhaps he never considered before that he may be little? He says he doesn't like it, maybe because of shame? Its not uncommon for males to exp shame when they find out they are submissive, as society often conditions them into thinking they have to be the strong or Dominant one in the dynamic. He may have truly thought he could be a Daddy, but maybe the little role is more fitting for him? Or he may be a switch but the little side is at a much bigger percentage. If he really and literally is taking on a little role around u, perhaps figure out what he likes about those moments? What triggers them? There may be nothing u are doing wrong and the Daddy role isn't for him. Bottom line is, u can't force or pressure him into being a Daddy. It might simply not be for him. u can talk to him, try to figure out what he likes about being a Daddy and implement it, but if he have no interest in researching it or exp it with u to learn....then u may have to let the idea go of having him as a Daddy.
Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:33 AM
It does not sound like being a Daddy is something he cares for and you cannot force someone to be something their not. It sounds like he gave it a try and it didn't work for him. But saying that, it was also not right of him to continue the leading you along knowing he cannot fulfill that need. He sounds like he simply is not meant to be a Daddy and you might have to learn to live with that or move on to someone who can fulfill your needs.
Sugar, spice and everything nice♡
Posted 13 March 2018 - 02:38 AM
It hurts when something you've worked at and made a commitment to no longer works... but it is a good thing when people reveal themselves to you. As much as it hurts, it gives you a chance to move on, and find the partner who matches you. I'm sorry about this. You'll be okay. Another option is, if the two of you love each other intensely and are meant to be together, you could work it out, or accept that he is little.
Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:43 PM
Being a best friend and a dad are two very different things. The first does not guarantee the success of the second. You must learn from your experience. It does not suit you. So it's up to you to take control of your life and find another partner who will be fully involved in his role as dad.
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I am the Daddy of Thysminia.
Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:58 PM
Sorry to hear things aren't great,
I was in a relationship like that once, the kind where one person is responsible for everything and the other party doesn't even do anything close to their part. I ended it, I chose to do this because like you I had tried to talk to them repeatedly and each time they would put in effort for 5 minutes before going back to their old ways.
This aside, I would say there are two elements to being a daddy relevant here. One is the standard caregiver element in littlespace that everyone here understands. The other is taking responsibility for the life of another: money, bills, health. The latter is often too far for many but the fact that neither is happening here suggests that he simply isn't willing or ready (for whatever reason) to be a daddy.
Don’t get me wrong, I take care of every aspect of my littles life. This however doesn’t mean that she does nothing in the relationship. She is responsible for all the housework, she supports me when I need it and ultimately she is my rock. She cares about me and the relationship and she shows it by all the hard work she puts in. She listens and and acts accordingly when I tell her something. She always works to improve herself and to help me improve myself and I couldn’t be more proud of her. In return, I take care of every aspect of her life so that she is always calm and happy. This is our balance and won't work for everyone, but the point is partners should ensure that the other is happy. This is what a good relationship is, partners working towards the common goal of both being happy; each doing their part
I think give it one last chance, tell him that due to what you need out of a relationship that this is make or break. If he can't make a permanent, positive change, then end it. A relationship will never function if only one party is doing their duty to the relationship. Sorry to be a downer but I'm just trying to be a realist based on what you've told us.
Hope all goes well,
Edited by I_AM_THE_SENATE, 13 March 2018 - 02:59 PM.
- Bambi95 likes this
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