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When does correction go to far...?


Guest Hys
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My Master is quite abrasive by nature, so whenever I do something wrong he makes it apparent immediately. This is good for correcting my own behaviors as I'd hate it if he sugar coated something, but it's not so great when the action itself is something small and meant to make him happy. For example I might go to rub his back and not realize he's thinking about something important, and I would be yelled at for interrupting him. It's things like this that make me confused and sad. After a few months, it's built up so a self-deprecating sadness, which ruins my motivation to want to make him happy. I've tried speaking to him but he only says things such as "So you want me to be fake around you?" and "You're supposed to be able to handle me."

 

I'm not sure what to do in this situation. The logical side of me says to leave, or cope until I can leave. The emotional side of me says to power through it, the good times outweigh the bad and the only real danger is the danger I'm presenting to myself by being emotionally bothered by it. Does this even make any sense...? I'd love your opinions on this. ^^;

Edited by Hys
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That doesn't sound fun at all, doesn't surprise me that it makes you sad... Saying something like "You're supposed to be able to handle me." is completely false in that situation... I don't think you're supposed to handle him or whatever or push yourself to something that makes you very sad... Maybe you should try talking to him again, saying that it makes you sad and that you know it's his nature but still, it bothers you. If he cares about you, he should care for your emotions aswell, especially when it's him who's causing you bad emotions.

If he can't really see why it's his fault or permanently doesn't want to change anything or you can't compromise or whatever then i'm afraid it won't really work out... Even if the good times outweigh the bad, it's not nice to treat someone like that and ignore their feelings
 

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It's gone too far when you aren't comfortable with it anymore.

What he does works in some relationships, but if it was something for you, you wouldn't be on here writing about it. Communication is key, you desire it, but he isn't doing his part in it. You can try to talk again. If that goes well, then woo. If it doesn't, you'll have to decide for yourself if it's worth it. If he tries to put the blame on you, or tries to change the subject or anything, stand up for yourself.

You can't help being hurt by something. You can bottle it up, but it's not something you can power through forever. The hurt will stack up, even though it might be easier to deal with at times, till it'll affect your overall wellbeing.

 

Edited by DeciDaddy
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Guest Georgia-Daddy2
How can someone not think and get a back rub? That would be amazing to me and thoughtful. How are you supposed to "handle" him?
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this sounds like some manipulative, emotionally abusive bullshit.

 

personally I think you should listen to your logical side. you should not have to walk on egg shells in case one little thing makes him mad again. thats absolutely ridiculous and not okay

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Neko beat me to it, but this definitely does sound like some manipulative, emotionally abusive bullshit. It's one thing to correct you over something, but it's another thing when you're blowing up at your partner for trying to give them affection. You've tried talking to him about it, and he completely flipped it onto you and tried making it be your fault, and that is not okay. You do NOT have to handle him either. You don't deserve any of this. You need to try a final serious conversation and tell him he needs to stop this crap, and treat you a lot better than he has been. If he doesn't want to listen, then it may be time to find somebody who will be a lot better to you.
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Guest gobacktosleep

A+ for all the responses, honestly the man sounds a like a manipulator, and personally i'd be getting out of there. Don't let emotional attachment override pragmatism at the expense of your happiness. 

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Being aggressively yelled at has NOTHING to do with correction, D/s or any kind of related relationship. Or ANY kind of relationship full stop, for that matter.

Sure, some couples do things like that in "play", because the submissive likes that kind of treatment. But only EVER when it's discussed and agreed mutually and consensually. He sounds like a grumpy ass, to be honest.

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Guest Bratty_little_princess

this sounds like some manipulative, emotionally abusive bullshit.

 

personally I think you should listen to your logical side. you should not have to walk on egg shells in case one little thing makes him mad again. thats absolutely ridiculous and not okay

100% agree with you there

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I agree with the others..this is a manipulative and abusive behavior..to be respectful and to care about the emotional well-being of the partner is the base of every relationsh but he tries to make you see his faults like are yours!

You don't deserve this!

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Not that you need anyone else to tell you this...but this sounds very abusive at the worst and rude at best.  I understand that you love him and care for him, and that's probably what makes this so hard for you...but I would recommend getting out.

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Thanks so much for all the well written responses. I'll probably dissapoint all of you by choosing to stay, but at the very least I now know it isn't okay and that alone helps a great deal psychologically. 

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Thanks so much for all the well written responses. I'll probably dissapoint all of you by choosing to stay, but at the very least I now know it isn't okay and that alone helps a great deal psychologically. 

 

I didn't read the responses cuz I am too lazy. However, I was going to say, leaving isn't the immediate response I would have. 

 

Have you two sat down, adult-to-adult (not Master-little) and express these things. Explain you need better communication on his end on what headspace he is in. And do the same, explain to him where you are at mentally and what you need. Daddy and I literally do this every day. "Daddy I am not feeling good today, I don't feel all that little nor do I really want physical contact." Or Daddy tells me "I am fairly stressed, I don't want to snap at you but if I do, remember its not you but probably where I am at" This is healthy communication, even if it seems tedious. No one wants to have to spell out their feelings all the time, but sometimes it is necessary until the couple fleshes out the issue and it goes back to a normal routine. 

 

Have this convwersation, or multiple conversations, about the lines of communication in your relationship. He may also be under the impression that a Daddy/Master is to be followed without question. And though some people live that lifestyle happily - it doesn't sound like this would have been an agreed upon situation. It seems like this is something he wants and you two haven't talked about it. Figure out what you BOTH need in a partner and a relationship and the dynamic. It may come down to the fact that you two are incompatible, but at least you will know that you two have tried and you two have also gained something - a better understanding of personal needs.

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If you are choosing to stay with someone who treats you so badly, that is if course your choice. But try to accept that you are basically telling him it's perfectly ok to abuse you and that this is all you feel you are worth. That's not an insult, it's just the truth. You aren't the first, and sadly you won't be the last.
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Thanks so much for all the well written responses. I'll probably dissapoint all of you by choosing to stay, but at the very least I now know it isn't okay and that alone helps a great deal psychologically.

As long as work is going to be done between the two of you. If you stay, and he doesn't change, you're just going to stay in this cycle of manipulation and abuse, and it's honestly a really fucked up, difficult cycle to get out of. I stayed with an abusive partner for a year (I got back with him 3 times), and it took me until I was emotionally and mentally destroyed by him that I finally realized I needed to walk. I loved him desperatly, but it was at the point where I wanted to take my life, so it was either stay and continue to hurt, and potentially end my life over somebody, or leave. It's never an easy thing to do when you love somebody, but eventually, Hys, you need to think and do what's best for you.

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My daddy is pretty abrupt and can be harsh sometimes too. He's a thinker as well so it's difficult to tell if physical contact like that is a no-no or not when he isn't saying much. It's been much easier for me to ask or let him make the first move if I'm not sure if I would be distracting him or not. That seems to work much better for the both of us so maybe talk to him about if he'd prefer you do things that way. It is important for you to learn your daddy and how to interact with him in a way that doesn't get you into trouble. If you two really can't adjust accordingly so everyone is happy it might be time to move on.
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