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Relative experience between partners


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Hi all.


I'm wondering about relative experience between partners, since I'm new.


My suspicion is that it shouldn't necessarily be a restriction (in my case looking for a little), as I suspect things could still work if it's discussed (since small steps are best at the beginning anyway) and as long as the DD is actively leading.


However, connected to this, I had a brief encounter with someone experienced who I felt was pushing for impact play even though we'd just met. That didn't appeal to me since I barely knew them (we parted ways), but got me thinking perhaps there are more things I need to consider (and possibly from the littles perspective?)


I'd appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.









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Hey, I'm adding a bit more to this thread in the hope of some responses, as I've been told my query isn't clear.

I admit the wording above won't be accused of great clarity or artistry!


I'm new and looking to meet a little. I wondered if there are any issues I should be mindful of regarding potentially differing levels of experience in DDLG.

To be clear, I don't mean difference in life experience, but specifically experience of the DDLG dynamic.


1. If a little has significantly more DDLG experience than me, does this necessarily make it inadvisable or difficult?


2. If this is an issue, are there strategies that can help smooth things in the beginning?


I'd appreciate any thoughts - should this be a factor in my search - is this even an issue?

I'd also be interested to hear any experiences of how things played out for Daddies who began with a little who already had significant DDLG relationships.


Alternatively if this still sounds like there isn't anything to answer, then please post a smiley face  :) and I'll graciously take the hint.


Thanks all.

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Guest Pouty Kitten

I believe it really depends on the desires of the individual. It's a little difficult to say whether or not experience is important to a little. Some may prefer it and others may like the idea of having an inexperienced partner so that they can guide them. 


In regards to advice, do a lot of studying and research about the dynamic. Also, remember to be yourself! 

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Thanks pouty kitten and littlest-bunny. I appreciate your comments.


I am aware that there would be a lot of trust involved and responsibility on me, which is partly why I raised the issue of experience level.

My position was always to be clear about being new, but your comments reinforce the importance of this.


I accept everyone has to start somewhere, but I also know some things can only really be understood through doing.


I feel like what I've learned so far is clicking with something, but I'm certainly following the advice to try and learn as much as I can and will apply more patience.

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  • 4 weeks later...

You don't necessarily have to have had a lot of real life experience in order to be knowledgeable about ddlg. Both Teddy and I were totally inexperienced when we first discovered ddlg, but we did a LOT of research and learning before we really committed to the lifestyle. I think it's especially important for a daddy dominant to really commit to learning as much as possible about the lifestyle before committing to a relationship, because ultimately the little/submissive has to put a LOT of trust in you, and it's a huge responsibility to take on. If one goes into a relationship unprepared then quite often at least one of you is going to get hurt.


This is perfect.  There is no substitution for knowledge, but knowledge can be used in place of experience.


One of the key things I would suggest is coming to a better understanding of what you want as a Daddy Dom.  The DD/lg dynamic can take so many different forms, from caregiver roles with no sexual component to full on BDSM or sexual play with D/s coming out as DD/lg and all things in between.  Once you have a clearer understanding of what you want, or at least what you think you'd like to try, then questions such as the impact play one are easier to answer.  Not all littles and Bigs are compatible based solely on their involvement in DD/lg, if anything it adds even more complexity to the "are we compatible" question.


I think in any D/s situation the burden of knowledge is placed on the Dominant.  However this is even more true in a lifestyle that involves DD/lg as by it's very nature you are becoming a leader, teacher and protector to an even greater degree.  If you can be transparent about your experience, while still creating confidence based on your commitment to the knowledge and understanding required to succeed in this type of relationship, then experience gaps should not matter very much.  

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