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How to move on from a break up ? Please advices


BabyLie
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Hello there. 

 

I need some advices to help me move on from a break up. I took a bit more than a day to help me focus on myself. I realized that I was a really possessive person, towards my ex, but I recently realized that I was like that even towards my friends. I had such a heavy behavior, I constantly needed people around me, I constantly needed attention. So I took a day to think about all of that, I read a lot of articles, and I was finally able to put words on why I was like that. Low selfconfidence and hypersensitivity. Honestly I'm so happy to know that because now I can work on that really seriously, and taking a break from the "world" made me realized that I was a good person, I had no reason to be selfconfident and no reason to be scared that people could leave me. I had no reason to be that possessive etc. I wish I could have realized that way before. Maybe I would still be with him. But I have to say that, even when I think about it, even when I think everything is okay, it's for the better, I can't move on from the break up. I can't forget this person, I can't see myself with someone else. It didn't last long at all honestly but yeah THANK YOU HYPERSENSITIVITY, I fell crazy in love after weeks. I just have struggle to talk to other people. I have struggle to think about being with someone else. I could, I know I could meet other guys, I'm not seeing myself as an ugly potato, I kinda love what I see in the mirror now but I just can't ? Or maybe I don't want to ? I'm a bit confused, and I really REALLY need some advices to move on from this break up. I can't stay like that, I can't hold back my tears everytime I think about it. Please some advices ? 

 

Sorry for my bad English, not fluent.

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Howdy BabyLie,

 

I hate to say it, but there's no miracle cure to getting over a breakup. The only thing I found to be successful was just immerse myself in things I love to do, and the feelings from the breakup would subside. There is no set time for the feelings to dissipate though, so that changes from person to person (I've seen people get over their exes in a week, and I have seen others where its been years and they still aren't). But in any scenario, make sure you're stable enough after the breakup before even considering looking for another potential S/O. 

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Thank you very much. Honestly it's so hard today. I really feel ridiculous talking about it like that but it's so hard. No matter how happy I'm feeling, when I start thinking about it I'll instantly starting to tear up. I hate that, I just wish I could move on right now because honestly, it hurts. I want to feel positive, I want positive vibes, but I feel as if I will never be able to do that. I'm trying everything to have a "well working" mind, I even stopped drinking alcohol and eating fat thing. I feel miserable to be honest, but still trying hard to keep my head up and feel happy

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Hey, don't worry, I (and probably most people) understand what you mean. But as counterintuitive as it may sound, the more you focus on getting rid of the pain, the worse it's going to hurt. If you want to feel happy and have positive vibes, just start diving into your hobbies. For me, that could be as simple as going for a drive, cause it just gets me to relax and almost space out (within reason, if I fully space out, well there's a car accident waiting to happen ). 

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Thank you, I'll try to do that more. I really appreciate that you took your time to answer me, thank you very much for your advices and kind words

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Hey, no problem. I hope everything works out for you. And as more people wake up and log on, they'll all voice their stances as well (its just right now is a weird time haha). 

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You are in grief. Often,there is no solution and the best attitude is the one called in french " faire comme si ". If some action can be corrected then correct it,if it's impossible then face the bouts of sadness,they are not an enemy; What you can do is respect them but not stick to them. 

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I do that a lot "faire comme si", I know that very well, and I do that everyday, doing as if I was ok, as if I was happy. But it's honestly so hard, it hurts so much, I just want to be ok right now, I just want this sorrow to go away now. I'm trying to tell myself "it's okay, it's not that important" but I feel so empty..?

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Maybe you could do with seeing a doctor to get something to lift anxiousness off you. No shame with this; You don't have to be able to talk easily,they should figure what state you are in. If this is not possible but you have a little money you can try homeopathic remedies ? very little risk of addiction; France has producers of this that are among the best.

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Thanks a lot, I'll think about it, I don't think I'll ask to see a doctor, it's really hard for me to even put words on what is wrong or whatever, so talking about it to a doc is gonna be really hard. I'll see for homeopathic remedies, I don't really have money but maybe there are things not too expensives

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First. Your English is great

Second. Have you explored being in little spaces for anxiety and to calm you down?

 

Sucking a dummy, bottle feeding etc.. cuddling teddies. X

I thinking for a lot of people a big part of being little also helps me a lot with anxiety, depression etc..

Xxx

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First, thank you very much !

Second, I have struggle to be in little space all alone. I have my plushy and I cuddle it a lot but I can't be in little space, I really wish I could because I think it could help me a bit to forget for a while and feeling good for a little bit, but all alone I can't, I never was able to do it..

 

Thank you for your message ♥

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