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To Natural, or not to Natural


Guest Professor Optics

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Guest Professor Optics

I have found with some littles, that the lifestyle comes more naturally. They easily get into their little space, and I find it easy to be a caregiver for them. While with others, it takes a little more effort, and is a little more awkward, for lack of a better word. Have any of you found this to be true for you, and how did you proceed with the relationship? Did you take it as an indication whether the relationship was right for you or not, or did you try to make things work hoping things will start to feel more natural with time?

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Guest SUeB
For some it's role play. It's less natural because it's NOT entirely natural. It's an escape, or a bit of kinky fun, for example. For others it's soul deep. It's who they are. It's absolutely not a role or a game. And for others it's somewhere in between. That might have something to do with your varying experiences with different people.
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Guest aphroditelaughs

In my own experience the awkwardness came from not clicking with the other person in just the right way and/or not having established trust.

 

There were definitely some weird feelings with my Daddy at first. It took the better part of a year for us to get our dynamic just right. Trying to work past awkwardness can be worth it, but that depends on all the other stuff too (shared interests, communication styles, overall chemistry, etc). Plus some people are just getting their sea-legs within their own role (so to speak).

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I think SUeB hit the nail on the head with this. People come to this for all different reasons, from kink fulfillment to just naturally falling into the dynamic like you suggested.

 

No reason is inherently more right than any other, provided it makes those involved happy. I personally fell into this kind of relationship dynamic naturally - I like being affectionate and reciprocating clinginess with positive attention. Clinginess is the best thing ever. Could this kind of thing work with a partner who was into it for more deliberate reasons, like as an escape? Yeah, absolutely.

 

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think what you might really be asking is whether or not it's okay to speed things along instead of taking your time and letting the dynamic just unfold. Like everything else in this post, it all depends on what your partner wants. I will say, though, that I think it won't be as easy to find someone who wants that than it would be to find someone who wants to let things happen organically.

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Guest Professor Optics

I think SUeB hit the nail on the head with this. People come to this for all different reasons, from kink fulfillment to just naturally falling into the dynamic like you suggested.

 

No reason is inherently more right than any other, provided it makes those involved happy. I personally fell into this kind of relationship dynamic naturally - I like being affectionate and reciprocating clinginess with positive attention. Clinginess is the best thing ever. Could this kind of thing work with a partner who was into it for more deliberate reasons, like as an escape? Yeah, absolutely.

 

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think what you might really be asking is whether or not it's okay to speed things along instead of taking your time and letting the dynamic just unfold. Like everything else in this post, it all depends on what your partner wants. I will say, though, that I think it won't be as easy to find someone who wants that than it would be to find someone who wants to let things happen organically.

It's not about speeding things up. I find anything interesting from a psychological point of view, and I find this phenomena fascinating.

 

I mean, everyone has their own pace with things. What I'm stating is that I find talking to some, or being a caregiver for some, more natural than being a caregiver for others. I could talk to two completely different people, with almost identical views and interests, and still find it more natural to speak to one than to speak to the other.

 

I was curious about whether this is a tell tale that we may not be a great match for each other, or whether it's something I should push through in the hopes that things become more natural later on down the line. Personally, I prefer the more natural and organic interactions. They require significantly less effort to maintain.

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Guest Looby-Lou

Interesting questions! 

I notice from some of your other posts that you like to have clear signals from someone and that otherwise you might get confused about what's appropriate or expected (and please correct me if I've described that wrongly).  So maybe you're naturally more comfortable with someone who is easily Little, because they are giving you clear cues to be a Daddy?

I tend to feel Little very easily, but that doesn't mean there'd never be some awkwardness with a new partner.  But if someone showed some Daddy-ness, it would help me to show my Littleness, because I would respond to the Daddy vibe almost automatically.  

If I felt awkward would I take it as a sign that the relationship "wasn't right for me"? Not necessarily, at the beginning, but if it didn't get comfortable fairly quickly then I probably would question things, yes.  And discuss it with the other person.

It's not clear to me what you mean by "trying to make things work".  Do you mean trying to be more of a Daddy? Trying to like the same things as the other person? Anything that feels false to you, is not a good idea, in my opinion.  

Each person is different. There's no recipe for success. The main thing IMO is to make sure you don't do anything you're not comfortable with, and discuss with your partner what she is comfortable with too.

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SUeB couldn't have said it better. For some it's just rp fun and for others it's more than that. For me, and a lot of ppl, being in 'little mode' or 'Mommy/Daddy mode' can be valunerable, so it can require a good length of trust to fully show it to someone. When I just meet someone, I'm very much so 'Big'. I need 'big' me to be paying attention to red flags, and generally like to spend time getting to know a person for who they are overall, without my judegement being clouded because I'm deep in littlespace. I don't go deep into little mode when I first meet someone because I have to protect little me. It can grow super attached after exposing that side, and if things don't work out/end after a few days or weeks, little me can be crushed. So I put it behind a wall until 'big me' vets the person. Its like this for a lot of ppl. For others they have no problem going deep into littlespace right away and being able to recover when things quickly end. When it comes to littlespace with strangers; some ppl keep the door shut, others are willing to crack the door a bit, while some can open theirs wide open right away. It's like how some ppl can sleep with others on date 1, or the first few weeks, while others will make u wait months or a year+. No way is 'right' or 'wrong' its just figuring out what's right for u and finding someone compatible. If u do not have the patience or interest to wait around a long time for someone to open up their little side to u, then there is nothing wrong with that, but perhaps now u know why some littles hold off.
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I have found with some littles, that the lifestyle comes more naturally. They easily get into their little space, and I find it easy to be a caregiver for them. While with others, it takes a little more effort, and is a little more awkward, for lack of a better word.

 

 

While I can't speak for other littles, I can tell you that for me, being little is not a lifestyle or a choice. It's an entirely organic thing. It's been there my whole life. It makes up a 'part' of me, if that makes sense? It's like a screen full of Tetris blocks that all fit and align to make me who I am as a complete person, and being little is simply one of those blocks. It squeezes right in between my cheeky sense of humour and my hypersensitivity   :D  I didn't even know there was a label for it up until two years ago - I've just always had a young, cutesy, quirky side and I never thought anything of it, because it has never been treated as strange. I don’t age regress, I simply have this other ‘side’. It's just another layer of my personality.

 

I don't live my life as a little. I incorporate being little into life in general. Therefore, it is not a lifestyle for me. I’ve also been a practicing submissive for quite a long time now. Again, not a lifestyle. They’re more like toys I take out of the toy box to play with as and when I have the time to indulge. Does this make me any less little than others? No. Does this make me any less of a submissive? No. Does this make either side of myself less natural? Absolutely not. They come as naturally as breathing. They're fused with my DNA. But they aren’t always present and I certainly don’t reveal them easily.

 

As a submissive, am I about to kneel and start taking orders from just anybody? Nope.

 

As a little, am I about to invite a relative stranger into what is incredibly private, intimate and vulnerable headspace for me, before I know and trust them? Nope.

 

It has nothing to do with things coming more or less naturally to me, and everything to do with building trust in a relationship. I’m not personally interested in cutting corners and rushing head first into something. If a Daddy figure I was in contact with expressed annoyance, frustration or a lack of patience over my hesitancy to share something so precious and private to me before I was ready, if they questioned my naturalness as a little because of that, I would treat that as a red flag and start pulling back. Experience has taught me to treat such behaviour with caution. That’s just me, of course. I cannot emphasise that strongly enough. My learned experiences are not those of every other being on the planet.

 

 

I mean, everyone has their own pace with things. What I'm stating is that I find talking to some, or being a caregiver for some, more natural than being a caregiver for others. I could talk to two completely different people, with almost identical views and interests, and still find it more natural to speak to one than to speak to the other.

 

 

This could be said of any relationship. This is not DDlg specific. The fact is you will ‘click’ more with some people than with others. This will happen throughout your entire life.

 

Try not to do a compare and contrast with littles you are speaking to. It won’t get you anywhere. People are snowflakes – we are all of us unique. We have our own ways and means of approaching things, depending on what is right for us as individuals. Nobody has identical views and interests. Nobody. Speaking to two littles who have similar interests as littles does not make them the same. They are completely different people with totally different: natures, backgrounds, upbringings, values, problems, personal lives, feelings, beliefs, etc. People do not begin and end with being little, just as being a Daddy or CG does not make up an entire person’s existence. People are multifaceted – they come with many layers. There will always be external influences outside of DDlg that affect compatibility within a DDlg dynamic. People are more than a title or a kink or a role play session. DDlg may be the thing that brings you together, but the longevity of a relationship will usually be determined by your compatibility as people.

 

 

I was curious about whether this is a tell tale that we may not be a great match for each other, or whether it's something I should push through in the hopes that things become more natural later on down the line. Personally, I prefer the more natural and organic interactions. They require significantly less effort to maintain.

 

We can't tell you that. Only you can say if somebody is right for you. Only you can know if somebody is worth pursuing. It is your call. What I will say is all relationships are hard work. They all require effort. To make a relationship 'stick', you have to be prepared to put in the graft. As with life, there will be ups and downs, twists and turns, good times and bad times. It's just how it goes. Just because things seems 'easy' or 'hard' right now, doesn't mean they always will be. I think all any of us can do is advise you to keep talking and keep getting to know one another, and wish you the very best of luck!  :)  

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Guest Professor Optics

I think I've created a little misunderstanding...

 

What i'm talking about here, has not so much to do with the people i'm talking with, but more about myself and how i feel when talking with them. I don't really know how to explain it. With some, I feel more natural talking to and the whole interaction just comes naturally, wheras with others it kinda feels like i'm having to "make" things work, if that makes sense. I'm not comparing other littles, it's more about comparing how I feel when I'm interacting with one little over another.

 

I'm not very self-aware when it comes to emotions and whatnot, so a lot of this is all rather new to me :)

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Guest SUeB
So with your update, it's simply that we connect with some people, and we don't connect with others. Nothing complicated, just that we react differently to different people. That's about as basic as it gets.
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I think sometimes it can also have a lot to do with how comfortable people are with themselves. If they're still unsure of themselves or feel any guilt for being little they're not likely to be as open and that may make things feel unnatural. People who are happy to talk openly don't require much work to interact with. :)

 

But other than that some people just connect with us better than others. There's not much you can do about that. 

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It is very natural for me to go into little space.  However I did feel awkward around Papa at first, because I was afraid I was going to annoy him by being too little.

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