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Switchy but not sure what to do about it.


CursedVixen

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Hi there! 

 

I've only ever been in a relationship with men before, but I do know that I'm bisexual and have had feelings for girls before, and also experimented plenty. Lately, since the end of my long-term relationship with my last Daddy, I've been finding myself having something of an identity crisis.

 

I know that, sexually, I enjoy being dominated, but I have never been the one to do the dominating (with a girl. have tried being a dom with a guy and really didn't enjoy it). I have a dominant personality outside of the bedroom, and I have a lot of good ideas about rules and being a caregiver. In fact, I wrote my own rules in my last relationship without any help. Being the "mom" type comes really naturally to me. I like taking care of people. The thought of being a dominant to a girl makes me excited, but it's really hard to tell whether or not it would be something I wanted long-term. And being with another switch doesn't sound very nice to me because having someone who I dominate seeing me in such a vulnerable state isn't something I want.

 

I guess I'm kind of searching for some sort of advice. I'm super lost and I don't know what to do. Being a little has always been part of who I am, and I feel like I'm growing up and losing it. I've never been a switch before, but I assume this is what it's like??

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these personality crisises happen. It happened to me too, well not the bisexual thing, but I thought my sub tendencies were important after a big ending relationship even. it took months for me to recover. Sometimes you need to experiment and ride it out. see what it's like. Indulge your personality crisis enough to help find out who you are but not so much as to hurt someone or push away people in your life. eventually the fog clears and you figure it all out. I'm a pure Dom, it's what I enjoy most, and it's where I feel most safe and comfortable. I don't know if you will find a similar truth for yourself and being a pure sub, but I think it's alright for a pure sub or Dom to have fantasies of switching, but in the end of the day, they are who they are. 

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Guest QueenJellybean

i think the best way to healthily explore this is to be open about the fact that you are exploring, & ... start experimenting! 


i only knew i liked topping girls when i started fooling around with my good friend who was a submissive. 


i only knew i was a switch when i topped my boyfriend for the first time accidentally. 


 


i think that once you get over this hump of "i have to have everything figured out!!!", stop defining less, & just allow yourself to explore & experiment, 


things get a lot easier to manage & see clearly.


 


just make sure you are open, honest & inform your partners! it's not fair to them to be a tool of experimentation, they are still people too!


but don't be so hard on yourself; you aren't supposed to have it all figured out just yet. promise. 


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Guest DaddyDean

Looks like you have gotten some great advice.  Having had a little who also "switched" i can tell you that for her in the beginning she was just as confused as you are.  The confusion was an issue for both of us.  She was conflicted due to her little tenancies and her need to explore a more dominant role with someone.  Eventually she found a little/submissive that she clicked with.  It allowed her to get her "mommy"/Domme side set free while still being able to maintain her inner little.  As a matter of fact i believe the experience helped strengthen her little side and our dd/lg dynamic.  So like those before me said,  go ahead, experiment. Be honest, not just with those you may experiemnt with but also with yourself.  Take that first step and stretch yourself and good luck!

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To clarify i also thought about these things as I'm sure many of us have, but you have to realize that all these sides are a part of you and therefore just be you and everything will be okay
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  • 2 months later...
It's probably best to take some time and figure yourself out. I'm a Switch too, but it took awhile for me to figure out and accept that part of myself. Having my partner ghost me and cheat on me really put me in a bad place so I came here to try and make some friends and get more insight.
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  • 1 month later...

Hello!

I'm a switch too! Me and my boyfriend have discovered lately that we are both switchs. So even if I have been always he's Daddy now he is ny Daddy too.

The thing is that I feel sometimes that Im doing sth wrong -I have been forced to be adult and mature since I was so little, so I feel he is not going to love me if I continue being little, even if he had told me that he loves me to be his little boy.

 

Another issue I have found is that I dont know if it's fine if I have rules as a little or not, or if he should have more control as a Daddy. I mean, I have been always the one in control, the one who was responsible of the well-being of both of us. So I'm a little afraid that it can overwhelmed him to have more responsability or that I could feel bad if we do that. But at the same time, I think it could help me if I have some healthy rules because I always take care of him but I have struggles taking care of myself.

 

Do u feel like u need to know what they expect from u? I have this sort of feeling. Before, I thought I know what he was expecting -a Daddy as the stereotipical one. He tells me plenty of time that he loves me to be me no matter what, but it is hard to me to believe that because before knowing him I had never felt that someones love me being just me.

 

Do u have some advice on these things? I dont even know if I need to face my problems as a little, as a daddy or as a boyfriend because right now it is all so mixed (we have been just a few weeks with these new rols).

 

He is an amazing Daddy and he makes me feel relax and loved. Furthermore, he is a lovely and amazing little and I adore him so much. He is an amazing boyfriend too. I want to be amazing for him also. And I know he believes that I am amazing, but I have struggles with my self-steem so it is difficult to me. Talking about that, what would you do if your little or your Daddy has a bad self-steem to help him?

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