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Is this a bad DDlg relationship


bgGoddess
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I wasn't looking for a relationship. I am married and have young children. I was online on a social site when someone messaged me that sounded nice. I was looking for friends, and he had a lot of things in common with me. We spoke over time a couple of a days and he revealed that he was a DaddyDom. He started to show interest in me and noticed my inner little. I didn't know about that type of relationship at all. I had never felt like an adult, so it was really a relief to know there was a way to be myself and be loved for the child I still am. He helped me see what happened in my past stopped me from growing past that age.

 

I started really becoming attached to him, but told him I didn't want to break up my marriage and family until the kids are all grown in 6 years. He knows that I am being ignored by my spouse and not taken care of. He hates it and He said he would wait 6 years for my children to grow up before we made the relationship a real life one. I never felt so loved, accepted, cherrished, understood. I wanted to please him in every way, but not break up my family. 

 

Now he is getting firm about the timeline. It's been a week and he says he can't wait 6 years. He said he would wait until next year only insisting on divorcing my husband and moving across the country to be with him.. I told that wasn't an option for me. He asked me if I wanted him to die. He is using emotional blackmail to pressure me into doing what he wants. I cry every day because of the way he gets upset with me. He says he is maddly in love with me and can't live without me. He explained that the reason I feel bad is because I am not with him. He is 18 years older than I am and says that he will not live long enough to be with me if I make him wait 6 years. Normal people do not wait, he said.

 

This doesn't feel right, but I'm not familiar with the DDlg lifestyle that much at all. I sent him my address and private pictures. I'm scared he'll ruin my family. I feel stupid for trusting him. I wanted so much for this to work out, but it seems that I am in a bad DDlg relationship. Should I cut ties with him completely and avoid the DDlg lifestyle until I'm single again?

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Guest Miss Braid

I believe that you should cut ties with him absolutely. This is not a healthy relationship and is not good for you at all.

 

If you cannot persue the lifestyle within your marriage, I would say that would be good to continue learning about it, but not pursue it until you are single.

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"It's been a week"... maybe I'm misunderstanding, have you only been talking to him for a week?

 

I understand that your home life isn't ideal and the fact you're craving certain attention and he knows how to give or exploit that makes him seem more desiarable, but the chances of him being geniune are slim to none. He's probably some dirtbag that's trying to exploit your emotional state of mind and he's probably a pretty unstable, controlling person. Even if he's NOT a dirtbag, he's still worried more about getting what HE wants rather than letting you do what YOU feel is necessary in your life. If he honestly cared about you, he wouldn't be trying to force it on you and would wait the 6 years.

 

Which brings me to my next point, if you're honestly planning on staying with your husband for the next 6 years, you shouldn't be looking for something on the side, ESPECIALLY if you're not ready for what "could" happen. The flip-side of that, is do you really want to be in a loveless marriage for the next 6 years of your life? You're the only person that can answer these questions. If your husband does ignore you, have you asked him why or KNOW why he does it? It's not easy, but maybe you just need to tell him you're not happy and why.

 

Cut it off with the daddy, no matter the circumstances or consequences. Stay strong and resolute in your choice, and if worse comes to worse and you have to talk to your husband, maybe he'll change his life to focus more on you. Some times people need a good scare in their life to get them back on track.

 

And not to sound like a jerk, but even if he did something to "ruin your family" just remember that this was a consequences of a choice you made, you can't just put all the blame on him. Sorry if that's harsh sounding, but it was your choice to get involved, wether you want to call it a "relationship" or not. Pleading ignorance to a crime doesn't make you not guilty. Just my two cents of tough love. I also don't know the full story, so don't take that to heart too much.

 

I wish you luck, and if you don't hate me after reading this, I am available to talk to. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk with. Just expect me to be brutally honest.

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Guest buddhagirl

I think you already know that the best thing for you and your family are to cut ties with this abusive person immediately. He is being manipulative. There may be wonderful things about him, and I'm glad he showed you some of the love you deserve, but his current behavior is not okay. I can understand about being afraid that he is going to contact your husband. 

 

Don't worry about ddlg right now. This isn't about that. Deal with cutting this person out of your life and protecting yourself. Once you get through this and things calm down, then you can think about what's next for you with ddlg.

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What you have now simply isn't sustainable and I really think you need out from this guy simply because his approach to you is as a few others have said abusive, controlling and very much centred on meeting his needs first and foremost.

There's nothing wrong continuing to learning more about DDlg and being a little but for now your existing relationship including your family matters and if you are thinking of seperation at some point this needs to be communicated to your partner at a suitable time.

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This man has horrible qualities, but you already know that.

He obviously doesn't have the maturity, respect, or sincerity to be a good partner. You and I and everyone knows that you do not belong with this man.

 

You may be in a less-than-favorable situation with your family, but before you go looking for a better situation with another person, you need to think about the happiness and respect that you deserve.

 

Do you feel like how much love and happiness you get depends on who you find to give it to you?

I hope not!

 

Because you deserve the same love and consideration that you give your children, and you deserve to get it from yourself too.

 

You can research DD/LG at your own leisure, and nurture your own inner child as a way to love yourself.

 

But if you truly want to wait until your children are older, I would suggest not looking for another person, and giving yourself what you need instead of seeking validation from people that don't know you.

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My first thought when I read that was "What is UP with that 'do you want me to die?'" No normal, safe person gets a one week online crush on somebody and then talks to them that way when they won't uproot their lives for them. If you've only spoken to this man for this short of time...it is not a relationship...just an online crush...and one who turned out to be rather scary. I would do the same thing I do anytime I meet any type of person online and realize they are bad news....delete and block.

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Guest Daddy's☆treasure
This is definitely somebody you don't want to get further involved with. i have experienced many manipulative relationships that were emotionally abusive and used the very same blackmail you speak of. This is not going to lead to anything good or healthy if you continue with this man.
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