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How to open up again?


Guest SamBAMAAM

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Guest SamBAMAAM

Daddy and I had a fall out where he expressed he didn't want to be a daddy anymore... I was too mean when I didn't get my way and didn't listen enough for rules. Long story short my brattiness and disobedience wasn't welcome and I wore him down with my attitude and he just didn't want to be daddy anymore.

 

The minute he said he didn't want to be my daddy it really hurt me. I cried the moment he said it and I had to go inside and re-evaluate myself and realize that in many ways I was wrong and find out how I could do better. At the same time this caused a lot of inner pain of my own for him to step out of the role. For a few weeks I felt very lost and unsure of myself. (Insight: This was a 24/7, married and living together dynamic- not a sometimes virtual ddlg). I did the inner work to figure out how to replace that hole inside me and no longer felt a need for him to be my daddy after a couple months of borderline complete depression... 

 

A couple of months have gone by and I want my Daddy back. I want to be my little self again and I feel this part of me begging to come back out every single day. The only problem here is that falling back into this has been hard mentally. For me it's the fear of being vulnerable again and then losing my daddy. It really crushed me and I don't want to go through it again. He wants to try again so I guess it's really just a me issue. 

 

I would love to hear from anyone that may have been through something similar or has ideas on opening up again after a painful fall out. Even some activities we could do together maybe... something. 

 

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I wish I had more answers for you. As someone who hates to feel vulnerable I totally understand you being hesitant. Its gonna take a lot of patience from both of you. Maybe start with bath time? He could come in and kinda help you wash up, or play with water toys?
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Sounds like some incompatibility in terms of wants/needs. Seems like he likes the obedient little type, while u are the bratty little type, so I understand how he got worn out. If u want to give things a try again, then I would think about what to do to avoid him getting worn out again (the reason things ended in the first place). Maybe together y'all can come up with rules that u actually like/want and feel that u can do. Perhaps rules isn't ur cup of tea at all? Y'all can also come up with hand gestures or phrases that he can use to let u know when to reel things in and that u are crossing a line. He can come up with punishments as well as other things that truly fits u as a form of discipline. Besides that, I would suggest weekly chats where the two of u can sit down and have in-depth conversations about how things are going in y'all dynamic; can talk about things that happened that u both liked and did not like, and come up with possible fixes. When having any serious conversations, I always suggest having them partner to partner, and not Daddy to little; strip away titles and roles so both ppl can feel like they can talk candidly. It's gonna be trial and error for the both of u as u guys try to figure out how to tame the bratty ways. As long as u both are willing to try then that's a great first step. I understand that it will be hard to trust him again, but now u know where his pressure point is so to speak, so as long as u practice ways to not press it, then I'm sure things will be fine. For actual activities, start slow. Maybe he can read u a story to bed at night, watch cartoons or kid movies with u, or help u pick out cute outfits that make u feel little etc. Perhaps don't call him Daddy until u feel he has earned that title back and u feel comfortable again. There is lots u can do to open up to him, but I feel getting to the root of the issue and finding a way to not let it happen again, will make u feel more secure about opening up to him once more.

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