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Daddy wants to give up DDLG?


`PreciousLittle`

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I feel close to tears right now. I've been in a long distance relationship with my daddy for just over 5 months now. Recently he gave a new rule to masturbate every hour for a short time (without cumming) and then text him about how it was. I agreed, thinking it would be fun but now I'm constantly edging.

 

That isn't the problem though. The problem is that sometimes I forget to tell him how it was and sometimes I would forget to do it altogether. The way he got around it was to give me points. If I forgot to tell him, I would get a point. If I got 10 points I would be punished. But it has been 2 days and I got 7 points. He wants to punish me now because I'm failing so badly in less than a week. He didn't expect this.

 

He sees it as being bratty but I tried to tell him that it's difficult to do something like that EVERY hour but he doesn't want to listen. I don't know what to do without being disrespectful. Then just now he said he's getting sick of me not behaving and if I don't obey, he'll end the dd/lg part of the relationship but I don't want to be adult all the time. I tried to talk but he was so mad and told me we'll talk in the evening since he doesn't want me to ruin his good mood. I feel like such a burden.

 

I don't mean to misbehave, but he also refuses to give me rules. I don't even know what I've done wrong most of the time. Every time I ask, he says he's lazy and he'll do it later. If I persist, he'll get mad and tell me remember my place.

 

Anyway, the point is, how do I make him understand I'm not intentionally misbehaving and what he's asked me to do is a huge inconvenience and something I simply can't do?

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Guest Dulci

I mean, edging once every hour just sounds mean. Once or twice a day, fair enough. 

 

BUT, you need to talk to him; adult to adult (because you are one at the end of the day) and tell him how it makes you feel/how it's just not possible. Just honestly talk to him. 

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Thanks for the advice c: I think it'll help to just talk it out.

 

I mean, edging once every hour just sounds mean. Once or twice a day, fair enough. 

 

BUT, you need to talk to him; adult to adult (because you are one at the end of the day) and tell him how it makes you feel/how it's just not possible. Just honestly talk to him.

 

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I dont think he's being nice and honestly its to much of a task to put on you.you have a life and you cant be gettinf your hands down there all the time its not possible. You will also eventually start to lose excitement " orgasim" feeling if this goes on for to long
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i. Like Ducli / Kittybubblespop have mentioned, it's not reasonable to expect you to do it every hour. Perhaps this was a good 'trial week' that you two can discuss and amend the rule. It does need to be a mutually agreed rule after all, not just a "my way or the highway" type of deal.

 

ii. Not fulfilling a request (there should be no demands in my book) isn't immediate cause to take something away. A daddy should promote a healthy little lifestyle, a 'challenge' is just that, something for you to TRY and see if you like it.

 

iii. If he's refusing to give you rules or is too lazy, why is your 'lazyness' in not edging yourself every hour any different?

 

As others have said, more communication. FIRST ensure that he's NOT in his dom headspace, that he's in rational human headspace, then broach it with him.

 

Good luck!

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That sucks but it's all going to come down to communication. A power exchange is not a dictatorship unless otherwise agreed upon. As such you have a right to your opinions as much as your partner does. It's your responsibility to express what is making you uncomfortable and what is not working which it seems that you have tried to do.

 

You might ask to discuss the topic and speak as two adults and if he's not receptive or gets angry because things are not going his way then you have a bigger problem. During this discussion it would also be a great time to revisit the goals of your relationship and check that you two are still compatible with each other.

 

Most importantly however you identify being on the right side of a power exchange does not equal you being a doormat.

Edited by TwilightSparklez
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I think that he's rude. It's not possible sometimes to do it that often! He should understand it. If he doesn't... Idk, I would leave him but I'm not you and I understand that it can be difficult for you to do. 5 months isn't that long time.... You know....

Kisses :heart:

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Guest ~*~Sachita~*~

I don't mean to misbehave, but he also refuses to give me rules. I don't even know what I've done wrong most of the time. Every time I ask, he says he's lazy and he'll do it later. If I persist, he'll get mad and tell me remember my place.

 

Anyway, the point is, how do I make him understand I'm not intentionally misbehaving and what he's asked me to do is a huge inconvenience and something I simply can't do?

You can't make him understand anything. You can only control your own actions.

 

If I was with a guy who didn't explain things clearly or got mad when I asked questions, I would change my number and move to the other side of the country.

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This is seriously becoming an option,

I'm really getting irritated by his attitude.

 

 

If I was with a guy who didn't explain things clearly or got mad when I asked questions, I would change my number and move to the other side of the country.

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I think leaving him is the best choice since I've tried talking to him as an adult. He doesn't take me seriously and if I get mad he finds it funny. Even though I don't feel happy like I was before, it's going to be so difficult to leave him because he's my first dom ever.

 

I think that he's rude. It's not possible sometimes to do it that often! He should understand it. If he doesn't... Idk, I would leave him but I'm not you and I understand that it can be difficult for you to do. 5 months isn't that long time.... You know....

Kisses :heart:

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So it turns out I have a bigger problem. He doesn't take me seriously and finds me being mature funny. Is the solution to leave?

 

You might ask to discuss the topic and speak as two adults and if he's not receptive or gets angry because things are not going his way then you have a bigger problem. During this discussion it would also be a great time to revisit the goals of your relationship and check that you two are still compatible with each other.

Edited by `PreciousLittle`
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Anybody who doesn't take you seriously when you are trying to be serious (as long as yoy are doing so in a respectful and mature manner which I'm sure you are) is incredibly toxic. Are you voicing your concerns to him over message/text or phone/video call? If the case is text perhaps you could try video chat/phone so he can hear in your voice just how serious you are, if that doesn't work that I would suggest getting rid of him ASAP.
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He is not your Dom. Being a Dom is an incredible amount of work and responsibility. One simply cannot be "lazy" and be a Dom.

 

Second, a Little/Sub is a Dom's most prized "posession." I like the car analogy. It's like owning a Ferrari or a classic car. You know how "car people" obsess over their fancy car? They're always outside cleaning it and waxing it and keeping it in tip-top shape? You know how they take up two parking spots to ensure no one accidentally dings or scratches their precious car? You know how they freak out if someone causes even the smallest amount of damage to their car? They love that car and treat it like it is the last car on Earth. Your Dom should care about you MORE than that person cares about their car.

 

He's your first Dom. My first Doms weren't so nice, either. They took advantage of my inexperience, and I fear that you're dealing with the same issue. If something was hurting me, they would say things like, "Littles are supposed to like these things." I know now how wrong that is. Even so, even my less-than-nice Doms understood and acknowledged the fact that I get veto power if a rule makes me uncomfortable.

 

Moving forward, just know that in a healthy dynamic, a Dom expects, sometimes even demands, that you tell them immediately if something makes you uncomfortable.

 

Side note, if any partner tried to tell me to "remember my place" when I'm talking about something that bothers me...that in itself would be enough for me to drop them.

Edited by PrincessKittenCupcake
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So it turns out I have a bigger problem. He doesn't take me seriously and finds me being mature funny. Is the solution to leave?

So it turns out I have a bigger problem. He doesn't take me seriously and finds me being mature funny. Is the solution to leave?
 

 

 

If you are being disrespected and demeaned, and not in the good way, then yes. Any Dom worth his salt treasures his little/submissive because she is his most prized possession. And like any valuable treasure he is going to want to take care of you, make sure your functioning well by addressing your emotional and physical needs, and being you're rock when things get difficult. A Dom should never mock, belittle, insult, or humiliate you if that is not a part of your agreement, you are not a doormat to be purchased at Walmart your opinions, feelings and thoughts are valid. Submission and littlespace are very vulnerable places and a Dom will do all he can to encourage your growth, mental well-being, and appreciate and treasure being allowed into such a  vulnerable space.

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it's a disgrace this guy considers himself a daddy when it's just some perverted ahole

 

with all these horror stories, I threw getting a little, on the back burner long ago. rather not do it than have to work past her having been screwed over by her last 10 ahole daddys... 

 

once an hour? that's not a punishment, that's a red flag telling you need to gtfo 

 

dominance is an illusion. ironically, dominance requires your consent...other wise it's not dominance, it's abuse.

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I'm sorry but what he asked you to do is sexual training, you shouldn't be with this person

 

sorry if i'm coming off harsh, i say this with love. R U N !!!!

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Guest SenpaiPleaseNoticeMe

It’s rather apparent that you care about the relationship you’ve built for just about half the year. You’re trying your best to see how you can resolve the issues in your relationship but he also needs to put in the effort. From the given information, your Daddy is lacking in effort and communication. Any good Dominant knows when to switch things up when something isn’t working instead of not being constructive in finding a solution. It could just be that the amount of energy and effort it takes to be a good Dominant is too much for him and it’s not for everyone. It could just be that he’s someone you is kinky but not necessarily right for caring for a little.

 

I’m sorry to say this but perhaps it’s best to let the relationship dissolve. There are a few things here that alarms me. He isn’t taking the time to understand what you are and aren’t capable of and taking action to help you achieve what he wants. He also told you to know your place. Unless you have a Master/slave relationship or agreed to a power exchange relationship in which you don’t have a say then I understand where he’s coming from. Although if that’s not the case, he seems to have decided what your relationship looks like without consulting you in which you both are EQUAL partners of.

 

If you’re really looking to make things work, bring up the idea of doing a reward system instead of punishments. If you remember to tell him 10 times, you get a reward. You can also suggest that every hour isn’t possible anymore and come up with a new time increment.

 

Lastly, it’s always best to listen to what your GUT is telling you. Follow it even when it’s the hard thing to do because most of the time its right.

 

Edit: was rereading this old post and notice I wrote “guy” and not “gut”!!!!! All the other grammar mistakes can suck it. (This is what happens when I decide to write a long post on my phone.)

Edited by SenpaiPleaseNoticeMe
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