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I broke up with my Master and now I regret it


Little Adri

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My master is on vacation with his kids (he's a divorced dad) and mother. One day he was very distant in his texts and when I mentioned to him that we are going to have an anniversary, he didn't react at all.. I felt sad about it and I told him that I don't feel appreciated by him. I love to please him and serve him and to push my limit, so I can satisfy all his needs, but at the same time I'd like to feel cared about and even spoiled.. He responded that he doesn't want to talk about it while he's on vacation and that we will discuss once he's back, because he wants to be with his family and disconnect from work obligations. I felt really abandoned and in that mood I sent him following message:

 

"Honestly, I was expecting flowers yesterday or at least a phone call to tell me how great this month was. It seems you are not ready for something meaningful and I hate to let you go, but I do care for you and wish you  to enjoy your holiday and lots of success in your work." Two days passed and he didn't answer..

 

I told him many times that I need more care, reassurance and affections and he always admitted that this is his shortcoming and that he will learn how to respond to my needs. However I don't see any actions and just one flower he would send me would prove that he cares about dates that are important to me..

 

What should I do now?

Edited by Little Adri
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Guest Yourspoopylilmonster

You only have been dating a month? I was like you at one point but.. you can't do that to someone.. you can't expect something every month or expect someone to remember every month that you have been together.. The chances of that happening are unrealistic. I understand it be nice and all plus he is with family and his kids and i can understand why he may have forgotten.

 

You should enjoy the rare momments he does show you effection and such.

 

There are many guys who are distant and it is just who they are.

 

You should have waited to have a serious talk when he got back

 

He is probably upset

 

I hope maybe you can work things out

 

Communication is always important

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You only have been dating a month? I was like you at one point but.. you can't do that to someone.. you can't expect something every month or expect someone to remember every month that you have been together.. The chances of that happening are unrealistic. I understand it be nice and all plus he is with family and his kids and i can understand why he may have forgotten.

 

You should enjoy the rare momments he does show you effection and such.

 

There are many guys who are distant and it is just who they are.

 

You should have waited to have a serious talk when he got back

 

He is probably upset

 

I hope maybe you can work things out

 

Communication is always important

Do you think that I can fix this? I'm worried to text him while he's on vacations.. but I don't want to lose him

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You broke it off and he didn't answer.

 

You've literally gotten what you wanted with the break up.

 

Failing to see the problem here....

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I think you need to find a better fit. It isn’t unreasonable to expect a one month anniversary to be celebrated, or to get a call back in less than 2 days, or to be lumped in with “work.” If those are things you need, find someone who can offer them.

 

Just my two cents!

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Actions have consequences. You broke up with him and now this is what you get. I'm sorry but I think break ups are a pretty serious thing and you should think properly about it before doing it because there's no going back. You knew what you were doing when you broke it off so I'm not sure what you expect to happen now.

 

It sounds like you weren't having your needs met and he wasn't exactly trying hard to meet them. I understand breaking up sucks and it's weird to suddenly be alone, and it's probably natural to want a relationship again so you're not alone. But it must have been pretty bad for you to feel you had to break up with him over it so maybe it was for the best. Not everyone is compatible even when we're desperate for them to be.

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My master is on vacation with his kids (he's a divorced dad) and mother. One day he was very distant in his texts and when I mentioned to him that we are going to have an anniversary, he didn't react at all.. I felt sad about it and I told him that I don't feel appreciated by him. I love to please him and serve him and to push my limit, so I can satisfy all his needs, but at the same time I'd like to feel cared about and even spoiled.. He responded that he doesn't want to talk about it while he's on vacation and that we will discuss once he's back, because he wants to be with his family and disconnect from work obligations. I felt really abandoned and in that mood I sent him following message:

 

"Honestly, I was expecting flowers yesterday or at least a phone call to tell me how great this month was. It seems you are not ready for something meaningful and I hate to let you go, but I do care for you and wish you  to enjoy your holiday and lots of success in your work." Two days passed and he didn't answer..

 

I told him many times that I need more care, reassurance and affections and he always admitted that this is his shortcoming and that he will learn how to respond to my needs. However I don't see any actions and just one flower he would send me would prove that he cares about dates that are important to me..

 

What should I do now?

 

IMO you deserve much better. A little should never come second to any other female except his kids. You should never be ignored and important things like any anniversaries shouldn't be ignored.

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Guest little_ballerina

One month is not an anniversary by everyone's standard.

 

Creating drama while someone is busy isn't fair (wait for the right time to talk).

 

Couples are not meant to introduce the idea of breaking up unless it's really that time (it's cruel and emotionally manipulative otherwise). You don't decide to break up on a whim. It should be well thought through and problems discussed first. Given the investment a relationship is, anything less than that is unfair (unless something egregious happened like cheating, of course).

 

What's done is done here. At this point you should probably work out what kind of Master is right for you. Perhaps do some journaling: What are your needs? How are they different from your wants? What can you compromise on? What will you give? Who do you want to be in control? What does that mean in a practical way? Are all your expectations realistic? From there you can work out whether to find someone more attentive/affectionate/caring from the outset or whether to apologize to your ex for acting rashly and hope he'll give you another chance and make good on his promise to work on being more overtly caring.

 

It's easier to be with someone highly compatible, who meets your needs (and vice versa), from the outset. Wants and preferences can be discussed and worked out. It's possible that although this wasn't done well, the break up was the right move for you. Perhaps you only feel unsure now bc you didn't put the thinking into it beforehand. 

Edited by little_ballerina
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I can understand why you felt the way you did, and those feeling are completely valid however I do think they could have been expressed in a different way (without the threat of a break up). Sidenote, I have been on alot of holidays and I LOVE holidays so I'm usually out first thing of a morning and back last thing at night with no contact with Daddy until then because I'm just busy busy and having so much fun, perhaps your Master was just waiting for a better time to discuss things with you? Or maybe he was planning something for when he got back? If you want to make things right (not saying you should do anything, it's up to you alone but from your post I'm assuming you do) I would start by apologising profusely (as stated- calling break up is serious) and focusing on how you FELT, not attacking what he did or didn't do, just voicing your feelings in a calm manner and addressing things you could have done better, then if he DOES decide to take you back maybe come up with an attack plan so this kind of thing doesn't happen again (state how much anniversarys mean to you, agree that he will always do his best to celebrate them and you will do your best to work on insecrurities, you will BOTH work on communication etc;) good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for with him or anybody else :)
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Dude he was with his kids. I hate to be blunt, but... grow up a bit. Most adults don’t take monthly anniversaries as serious as annual ones. And for great reasons. You sent a very passive aggressive message and you got what you got. He said he wanted to discuss it with you but that wasn’t the time and place. He didn’t ignore you, he explained a better time and place and explained he wanted to be with his family. Yet... you didn’t understand that.

 

HE WAS WITH HIS CHILDREN! No woman should feel badly about being put second to a man’s children...

 

When is this unrealistic expectation of men going to come to a stop? They are human. They have work, a social life, family, mental health issues, health issues and more. Littles need to start treating DDs and Masters as the humans they are and not the Build-A-Dom they want them to be.

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Dude he was with his kids. I hate to be blunt, but... grow up a bit. Most adults don’t take monthly anniversaries as serious as annual ones. And for great reasons. You sent a very passive aggressive message and you got what you got. He said he wanted to discuss it with you but that wasn’t the time and place. He didn’t ignore you, he explained a better time and place and explained he wanted to be with his family. Yet... you didn’t understand that.

 

HE WAS WITH HIS CHILDREN! No woman should feel badly about being put second to a man’s children...

 

When is this unrealistic expectation of men going to come to a stop? They are human. They have work, a social life, family, mental health issues, health issues and more. Littles need to start treating DDs and Masters as the humans they are and not the Build-A-Dom they want them to be.

I can honestly say this is one my favourite responses to anything ever here. It is truth and logic plain and simple, keep up the good work Illy!

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Guest LittleMapleBear

If I read this correctly, you have been together a month - is that correct?

 

I think it would be very difficult to have a very strong dynamic or bond worked out inside of a month.  There's a reason why many folks have long engagements - like at least a year or so.  It takes time to get to know someone, to build trust, to feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable.

 

I must agree with other posters, bothering your partner when he/she is on vacation with family is very selfish, and intruding on his/her privacy.  Just because we are in a dynamic with someone doesn't mean they don't have a right to privacy.

 

As for how to fix it, from what you said, it doesn't sound like you're very compatible to begin with, so it's probably best to leave things as they are.  I would personally question why you are so in need of the reassurance of another - and I would suggest that you might want to look at being satisfied with being alone.  If you can't sit comfortably with yourself, if you constantly need reassurance or stimulation from another person, that will not serve you very well in life.  Also, using this type of emotional blackmail/abuse in a relationship, it is just not in keeping with building a healthy, sustainable relationship.

 

I think you should take this as a lesson learned, and do better next time.

 

Best of luck to you.

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Littles need to start treating DDs and Masters as the humans they are and not the Build-A-Dom they want them to be.

 

I love this so much. It would be amazing if things could be exactly how you want and you can get unlimited attention, but that's not how life works. A lot of people don't seem to realise that things don't always work as we want. They just don't have a realistic view on things and they seem to think the world revolves around them and others don't have lives and other things that need their attention. 

 

If I had someone so dependant on me that I didn't have time to take care of myself before I took care of them I would end up resenting them. My life could not consist only of someone else's life. I have my own things and own needs and own interests, and if someone cared about me they'd respect that. Same goes for this topic. If you cared about your Master you'd allow him to have time with his kids. Family is super important and kids don't stay kids forever. It's selfish to try take that limited time away from him. :/ 

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Also I realise I probably didn’t give you advice you’d consider helpful, OP.

 

Here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/index.php?app=core&module=search&do=user_activity&search_app=forums&mid=16246&sid=3a1ac23229f38166748fbb0071f373dc&search_app_filters%5Bforums%5D%5BsearchInKey%5D=&userMode=title

 

Hopefully that linked worked and took you to my Contet-Topics Page. I suggest you read the first 5-6 threads. They are all relevant here. And I’m too “shook” by the whole one month and kids thing that I’m too lazy to copy and paste them individually.

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A youtube Little by the name of "milkwebs" said it best in one of her tweets that I randomly came across whilst looking for images for my page lol:

 

"There's no such thing as too clingy. But there is such a thing as "incompatible."

 

Not saying that he thinks you're being too clingy or that you are too clingy, it's just that the idea at large applies. Meaning, simply put, you two are just incompatible!

 

There are plenty of daddies out there who would find you remembering your 1 month anniversary ADORABLE, even if they forgot it. And there are daddies who, even when they're out with their kids and ex-wives, will find time to get away to call you for a few mins or at the very least send you a sweet text saying, "sorry babe. I'm thinking about you, wish you were here, but my schedule's crazy right now. Call you in a few days."

 

But the fact that he's lumping you into "work obligations" and is cold and dismissive with you is a bad sign from a subjective point of view. Msg me if you want more of my opinion on that.

 

And to offer a rebuttal to the "you've only been dating for only 1 month" argument in some of these answers, me and my boo are in a poly relationship and have been dating for 1 month and he's also a divorced dad on vacation with his 3 kids and his primary. And he has been texting me every chance he gets, and we're going to be scheduling a time to video chat soon when he has some free time.

 

From some of the commenters point of view, he has every right to ignore me until his primary girlfriend and kids leave in a few days, but he's making an effort to keep in touch with me anyway because of his personality. Which is compatible to mine as I need lots of attention :)

 

From an objective point of view, your Master is just not the one for you. Our first instincts are usually the right ones, so I would trust your first instinct to break it off with him. Find someone who wants exactly what you want. It's possible.

 

 

x

 

 

The way the OP put it into context is that he is on vacation with his kids, and his mother.

 

Not the mother of his kids.

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Guest littlefaerieprincess

Yea I caught that after I typed it, but I didn't think it'd matter in the grand scheme of the central idea of my post so I didn't think it'd be necessary to edit it out.

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Yea I caught that after I typed it, but I didn't think it'd matter in the grand scheme of the central idea of my post so I didn't think it'd be necessary to edit it out.

No. Actually, it is critically important in the grand scheme. This guy isn't off messing around with his ex.

Edited by Kaiser
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Guest littlefaerieprincess

The central idea of the post was 'find someone with similar communication standards as you.' Whether he was there with his ex-wive, mom, or baked potato, that main idea remains.

 

Further, if she knows he was there with his mom, she probably looked over my mis-type with the full knowledge it was a mistake and thus most likely discarded that erroneous detail in her head. Why would I feel the need to edit something out that I'm sure the recipient knows is a mistake and has no effect on the central idea of my post. After all, I wrote the post to her and for her, an actual living breathing woman who has the capabilities of speaking up to correct others on her own, and actually has to deal with the very real situation that inspired the post in the first place. With her needs in mind, I felt getting my central idea across to the intended recipient was more important than making my post troll-proof.

 

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The central idea of the post was 'find someone with similar communication standards as you.' Whether he was there with his ex-wive, mom, or baked potato, that main idea remains.

 

Further, if she knows he was there with his mom, she probably looked over my mis-type with the full knowledge it was a mistake and thus most likely discarded that erroneous detail in her head. Why would I feel the need to edit something out that I'm sure the recipient knows is a mistake and has no effect on the central idea of my post. After all, I wrote the post to her and for her, an actual living breathing woman who has the capabilities of speaking up to correct others on her own, and actually has to deal with the very real situation that inspired the post in the first place. With her needs in mind, I felt getting my central idea across to the intended recipient was more important than making my post troll-proof.

 

 

No need to be passive/aggressive. If you feel I am a troll for speaking the truth, then say I'm a troll.

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Guest littlefaerieprincess

To me, 'to troll' means derailing a thread by commenting on something in a post that is inconsequential to the central idea of said post (MY post), thereby starting a conservation that distracts from the 'original post'. If you would like to continue this private conversation, I ask that you friend and private message me so we can do that without distracting from the original post. I feel for Little Adri and for that reason I would like this thread to remain about her.

 

Little Adri: Please let us know how it works out. Please feel free to friend and msg me, too. I support whatever decision your heart decides <3

 

x

Edited by littlefaerieprincess
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If it was inconsequential, it wouldn't have been mentioned by either the OP (which it wasn't on that context), or you.

 

If you have something to say to me in private, then the onus is on you to reach out, not me.

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He sees you as a work obligation? Wow. And he doesn't want to talk to you while with his family.....after only a month? Yeah, pretty sure you made the right decision here.
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