Always sex?

[Guest ignav]

I have a question... I notice that the most of the daddys who are looking for a little the most of the times talk a little and they start with the sexual part whithout even know each other first? What does it mean? That sexual is the most of the relation? 

 

I have this doubt from a looooooooooong ago 

[xBabydollx]

DD/lg is no different than the vanilla world. A lot of ppl are only interested in sex, or may even pretend to be into u just so they can eventually make sexual advances. DD/lg essentially have nothing to do with it, it's just part of human nature and the dating scene overall. To answer ur question, yes, for some ppl sex is the biggest part of their goal and there is nothing wrong with that. There is also lots of ppl out there who want more than sex/want something more serious, u just have to he patient and find them if that's what u are looking for. Try to communicate ur expectations from the beginning. Let them know if u want something serious, committed, or want to go slow. Ask questions. Find out what is their wants, needs, and expectations when it comes to getting involved with u. Overall, DD/lg or vanilla, most ppl are only looking for a good time, but not everyone.

[AntonioF47]

I am sorry to hear about your experiences and I can reassure you not all Daddies are like that. I always prefer to get to know a little and discover who she is, what she wants and what she needs. If exploring her sexuality is something she would like to explore together with me, then we talk openly about it and find a way to achieve what she needs in an environment that is comfortable for her and safe for her to express herself. Sexual conversation is not something a Daddy should push on to a little, in my opinion, since it shows a possible misunderstanding of the DDlg dynamic on the part of the 'Daddy' in your examples...

[Guest Nocent]

I have a question... I notice that the most of the daddys who are looking for a little the most of the times talk a little and they start with the sexual part whithout even know each other first? What does it mean? That sexual is the most of the relation? 

 

I have this doubt from a looooooooooong ago 

There is something to be said that each and every person moves at a different pace over all though not taking the wonderful opportunity to get to know you before revving the engine so to speak can be cause for concern, but it is important to note that you are not at fault. 

[Guest You're adorable.]

I think that to answer this question, we should look at it from both points of view.

 

From the first point of view, this may indeed seem, indicate the old, the useful "Men are only interested in sex" thingy. But as was said previously, there is nothing inherently wrong with being sexual or maybe even overly sexual (if there is even such a thing), as long as both of you are on the same note. For example, while to you it might seem like the daddies you are talking to are only interested in sex (and don't get me wrong, people like that exist of course), but for most, and as it seems mostly for men, the sex is an important part of relationship and they may want to assure that you are sexually compatible, share the same "interestes" and so on. This might maybe sound harsh (for the lack of a better word), but it may be frustrating to spend time talking to each other, getting to know each other for longer period of time only to find out that it just doesn't work in bed. To sum this up, I think some of them are just making sure that investing time in the relationship will not be for naught.

 

From the second point of view, and mainly from mine, sexual part shouldn't, let's say, dominate the relationship, but rather, complement it. Make it more full, more enjoyable. So this second point of view should be for you. You ought to make it clear to any potential daddy what you are looking for to avoid the thing that you are experiencing. If you are open to being sexual after a short of period of time, make it clear to them that you are. If you are not comfortable with being sexual without a romantic involvement, make it clear too. Most of those things stems from both parties having different expectations. In simpler terms, if you are not looking for a hook-up, make it clear, so both of you don't waste any time.

 

To somehow close this, we can't say if being sexual after a short period of time is good or bad thing since it's very individual. We also can't say that sex is or should be a dominant part of relationship, since it's different for everyone. Judging from my experience, there were times when I wanted to be sexual with a person right away because I felt this 'spark' between us, this thing that makes our heart race. Other times, I didn't experience any kind of sexual attraction until much later. It's from large part a chemistry thing and making sure that both of you feel the same way about both, sexual and non-sexual part of a relationship is vital.

[Guest SUeB]

Most adults in relationships want sex. Simple as that. But on the other hand, those that start talking dirty and asking sexual questions right away are usually not looking for a relationship, just online wank fodder.

[Guest Arc]

I personally think it's normal for a person to want and seek sexual things, however jumping straight into sexual conversation gives you a pretty good idea of what they're after. And it's totally okay for them to want a sexual based relationship with little or nothing more, however if that is not what you are after make that clear to them. 

 

I prefer to get to know people as people first, before getting to know them as daddies. Or before I even think of them as daddies. I like to know that we're compatible as friends first before even thinking of them in the role they would take should we go further. I do this because I'm not just here for sex and want to find someone who likes and wants what I want, both just as people and as a potential relationship. It helps you to work out how compatible they might be too. If people genuinely like you and want what you do then they won't mind taking things at your pace.  

 

When you're interacting with people just be clear what you want. If you don't want to jump straight into something completely sexual then tell them that and move on to look for someone who shares the same wants you do. ^^

[Totoro83]

Me personally ask sexual questions as part of finding out if a potential little and me are compatible (ddlg is just one of my kinks) because otherwise it might lead to trouble later on.

Also in the beginning of any BDSM relationship you talk in detail about the others sexual preferences, experiences, desires and limits

[LittleCelticLass]

There is a huge difference between discussing likes, desires, kinks an so on, and forcing the conversation into a sexual, or "sexting", vein.

I personally don't mind having a frank, honest discussion about sex early on in a conversation, because as stated before not doing so can lead to trouble later on. That said, I am not comfortable having a conversation become intensely sexual (ie sexting, phone sex, on line roll play, sexy photos) before actually getting to know the other person as fellow human being first.

Just like in "real life", it's okay to say no. If they don't listen, and keep pressing, use the block and delete method. That's not the kind of person I think you want to spend time with anyway.

[Guest Kerjin]

Tuff one.

 

Bottom line, IMNSHO, is that a relationship started here should be no different than a relationship started in other traditional environments. What would you do if you met someone at, let's say a bar, and within 30 minutes of meeting you, they started asking which sexual position you preferred, if you were clean shaven or bushy, etc., etc., etc. You'd not put up with it and you shouldn't here.

 

I believe that we are at a disadvantage here. First off, we are members of a group of people who have indicated that they partake of a particular kink. One that has sexual connotations. Secondly, we have no way of knowing who really is on the other side of the pixels until we Video Chat with them, and even then, we really don't know until we can see then IRL, in my opinion. Thirdly, because of the Internet, anyone can find our communities and can join. Unfortunately, it seems that more lumps of coal than diamonds join. And, since it's a community of kinksters AND basically anonymous, they feel as if they can act any way that they want to.

 

So, my recommendation is to shake them vigorously to separate the wheat from the chaff and then vet them deeply before committing to anything. And, if they say or do anything repeatedly that you've asked them not to, Block/delete and move on.  There are a few good ones out there.