babygirl'xo Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 (edited) Hi everyone My Daddy and I have been in the ddlg dynamic for just over 2 years. It didn't come easy to him and there were lots of compromises to make things work. To make things work I would communicate with him and let him know how things could be better to satisfy our ddlg relationship. The problem was that whenever I would tell him that he would really struggle to follow through that on many occasions I had to let go of my wants. Recently when we are not together I realised that I feel distant and I told him 3 things that I would like him to follow through, he also gave me 3 things that are important to him. They are little things; some of the things that were included were calling me more affectionate nicknames and a good morning and goodnight message everyday. I didn't want to nag and waited almost 2 weeks to see how things were going and it wasn't going well. He didn't seem to follow through and I nudged him and told him how he hasn't been keeping to his words. Almost a week later since I told him, nothing much has changed and I just feel like I'm not important as he isn't listening to me. I've been trying my best to give it time and communicate with him. He keeps telling me he will keep to his words and stop arguing about the same things but it just keeps going in a circle and I'm so exhausted of this. He is only like this when we are not together, when we spend time together I couldn't be a happier little and it's only like this when we are apart. Short version My Daddy has a hard time following through on his promises when we are not together. I've already communicated and told him how I feel about this but I don't see much change. I'm tired of constantly telling him that he isn't sticking to his words. When we do spend time together everything is perfectly fine and he is the most affectionate person I know. What do I do? Edited July 29, 2018 by little-sunshine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest little_ballerina Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 If it were me, since things are great when together, I'd be looking at how much longer I have to be apart and work out for myself whether it's worth it to lower my expectations (on wants) during that time, taking comfort in the fact that it's only temporary. If it wasn't temporary, I'd be less flexible. That said, I don't think you should put up with needs not being met like not feeling cared for (I mean overall -- I wouldn't hinge that feeling to one single behaviour of his in the short term, that's unfair in a 2 year relationship when he obviously must care). Try to keep in mind that just bc you want X behavior from him doesn't mean your SO is obliged to do X. Of course, feeling like your SO is utterly unresponsive ('doesn't care') isn't good either. I suggest you keep trying to communicate in a way that doesn't seem like nagging or arguing and focus on you BOTH getting your biggest needs met while apart. Allow it to be a dialogue, find out how he wants to show he cares (rather than say 'here's how I want it done') -- afterall, it is his relationship too. It sounds like your frustrating situation requires more ongoing patience, non-combative communication and compromise (until you can be together again). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kerjin Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 -----SNIP----- Short version My Daddy has a hard time following through on his promises when we are not together. I've already communicated and told him how I feel about this but I don't see much change. I'm tired of constantly telling him that he isn't sticking to his words. When we do spend time together everything is perfectly fine and he is the most affectionate person I know. What do I do? I'm not sure of the dynamic of your relationship. It sounds like a partial LDR mixed in with IRL. With that being assumed, and I am sorry if I am assuming incorrectly, LDR is a very, very, very hard thing to do correctly. While I'm not saying that your daddy falls into this category, I find that a lot of people find it very hard to keep on top of things that are not in front of them. An, out of sight, out of mind, thing, if you will. In my case, all that I have right now is LDR. I don't get the luxury of being with my little girl 24/7. So I go out of my way to make sure that she knows I am thinking about her, that I love her and that I'm there for her. I send her little gifts from time to time. I send her a song every morning. I say good morning when I wake up and good night before I go to sleep. But that's what I do. I'm not saying that your daddy is good or bad. However, that being said, as a Daddy, he needs to be better than just a common vanilla boyfriend/husband/partner, in my not so humble opinion. He needs to step up and make sure that his little knows he is thinking of her, that he cares for her and that he misses her. I hope that you can find a solution to this little-sunshine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siphy Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 (edited) In my experience long distance is what's most telling of a persons genuine and actual personality. Most people can put on an act for visits even if they are over several weeks, but it's super hard to keep up pretences with someone that's not in front of you, over long time. That being said I don't want to assume too much as while your post is a longer one, it doesn't include any explanation of if you're in a LDR, how often you're together in person, or how close you are you living together. Maybe try to have a few sessions with him where you only listen and/or ask questions about how he experience what you two have together, what he wants with the dynamic, and how highly he values the things that he himself wants. Giving an opportunity to tell what he feels without the chance of being yelled at or interrupted, and also questions to help get across what he means when it's hard to understand. This really shouldn't be done as a way to pressure information out of him, but as a nicer calm way for you to understand why he's saying he'll do things but can't follow through. It could be something as simple as the fact that he doesn't quite understand the need to keep up too intensively while at a distance. Edited July 29, 2018 by Siphy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mossy Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 (edited) Deleted Edited September 13, 2018 by Mossy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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