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Tips for transitioning into an LDR


jellicle baby

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my daddy and I are both entering college this fall, and I helped him move in this week. He's been gone for barely any time, and I'm already in shambles. I know that we can do it, and that we have to start creating and maintaining some new rituals for communication, intimacy, and togetherness. I already have rabb.it and discord dinner dates and care packages down in my mind, but does anyone else have any long-distance tips, about college or just ldrs in general? ways we can communicate and stay close?

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I am copying and pasting this from another thread - this was my reply for entering into a new LDR with a current RL partner:

 

 

I was in an LDR for 15 months where he was 9134 miles away.

 

The BIGGEST thing you need to remember is this: do NOT let your doubt and your insecurity ruin the relationship.

 

LIFE happens - he may not be able to be reached right now and again. Which means in the future, prepare for that. Prepare for missed nights, prepare for unexpected plan changes and most importantly... remember that all of his time should not be spent pining after you. THAT would be unhealthy. Don't get me wrong, he should and he will miss you. But don't be upset if he has a guys' night, or has a late luncheon for work, etc.

 

Real Life is harder to ignore than LDR. THAT is what no one tells you. You can easily text "hey, I cant chat right now, love you  :heart: " .... yet if a person was to just show up, it is a lot harder to put them aside because they are literally right there. That was the hardest thing I had to get accustom to, being second to RL. 

 

Daddy never put me second, not at all. But RL takes priority. And it did for me too! When I was at home and my baby brother came into the room, I instantly slammed the Skype window shut and saw what was up with my brother, because... who knows what is going on?! So Daddy and I had to come up with a shorthand system and then we had to understand that we would not be as reachable as we like because we are officially LDR.

 

Its okay to be afraid, and you know what? Its EVEN BETTER if you let your Daddy know. That way he can make more of an effort to reassure you and validate your concerns and liberate you from your fears. You need to keep communicating with him until now to November and DO NOT EVER STOP the communication. In an LDR, once the communication stops, the relationship is dead. So never be afraid to communicate these things, they mean you still care.

 

At the end of the day, you two need to be prepared to put everything in to being as honest and upcoming with information with each other. Otherwise doubts, insecurities, accusations, imaginations, etc all run amok and wild. IF you two remain realistic and remain true to seeing all of the LDR through to the end, then the communication will be easier. If you two stop communicating, get out of the dynamic and speak partner to partner as to why it may happen. And be prepared for the dynamic to take a back burner - a lot of people cannot portray this dynamic in an LDR because they need more of a physical presence to do so.

 

You two might find out one or both of you are like this. Focus on the fact that you two are PARTNERS first and foremost, you are people who care deeply about one another. And if you focus on that, if things happen badly (say, no longer in the dynamic while in an LDR) then at least you two know you are still there for one another and for YOU not just a kink.

 

I really wish you both the very best!  :heart:

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Guest QueenJellybean

Since Bree basically said everything above, I'll just add some apps & more tactile suggestions of things that help my LDR with my Dominant! 


 


- Avocado/Couple. Both are apps geared towards LDRs. I prefer Couple because it has Thumbkiss! Check it out and you'll see.


It also has a shared calendar which is really useful, shared lists, and a joint coloring screen. 


Rabbit. You probably already know about the Forum's Rabbit account, but get one of your own so you and your partner can stream movies or watch shows together. 


- Togethertube. Similar idea, but geared towards Youtube, and allows you to create a queue of videos to play. Great for watching funny stuff, or sharing music. 


- Spotify. If you both have premium accounts, you can collab on a long-standing playlist. 


 


Don't underestimate the power of date nights -- even if it's eating dinner together on Skype -- and ritual phone calls. 


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