LDR, first meetup, ( safety ) tips and stories?

[baby_k]

There seem to be lot of LDR in here, so I'm curious of your stories how your first meetings went, what to expect or not to expect and how to be prepared for to this sort of event

 

My daddy is also interested hearing comments on how to make me ( feel ) safe and at ease.

 

I'm flying to the other side of Europe ( Portugal ) to have a 6 day holiday and meet my daddy. We have chatted and so forward approx 5 months now, will be half year when we meet.

 

Safety measures we have come up so far:

 * checking ID + taking pic of it ( to be sent to cloud service where if all fail, can be seen by my family, same place has also pics of him )

 * meeting in public place with tons of cctv ( airport )

 * regular contact times to my family + "safeword" to tell them meaning "he is gonna murder me, help!"

 * GPS tracking and sharing on ( phone + I save some other means for this, not telling my daddy thou )

 * use of rental car instead of his car -> I have means to move around without him if we don't get along ( he will be put as second driver thou, but means his name is checked and verified at the counter, I think )

 * having own hotel room, not staying with him ( rented from airbnb condo, so even if he stays there, no need to even sleep in same bed or share room. Hotel reservations also have his name which of course is bit double sided sword: he is better linked to me but also "has right to the room" even I assume if I explain the hotel/condo owner the bad situation, would not be an issue to get him out )

 * agreed 'no sex' on first day ( less pressure imo )

 * no BDSM sex stuff ( during my stay, we have all time in the world to get to that )

 * public place touring only the first days

 * having embassy and police contact information with me

 

 

 * he is also going to text certain friend daily

 * that friend has his laptop password, so if I happen to murder him, police can access all pics I have sent, my name and flight details etc.

 

 

We both agree that meeting for first time probably is bit awkward, but also that we don't want to put too much pressure to things and like have some fast-forward all the things we have missed so far in the rel ( so, not immediately jump to bed together, but have the really special moments of first holding hands etcetc ). We also have disgussed how we tell the other person that "actually, I'm not that into you" and at least in the last days of my trip to disguss how it went and if we both are wanting to keep the rel.

 

 

 

Also, some links that seemed to have related stuff:

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33-how-to-safely-meet-people-offline

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33725-ldr-meet-up/

 

 

[Little Illy]

*Waves* Hello! I was in an LDR for 15 months and our locations were Ohio and Australia. I have actually written up a piece about all the dirty stuff of an LDR and I think the biggest thing that I would recommend is one thing no one ever warned me about - and that is the massive sense of separation.

 

You all seem to have worked out quite a bit of safety precautions, and I urge you to just go with your gut. Verify and validate the hell out of every little detail that seems relevant to you and your safety.

 

Below is a section from my LDR piece that explains the sense of separation:

 

"I am only going to briefly touch on this because no one, NO ONE, absolutely not a single person, ever, warned me of this heartache. The ugliest and worst part of my entire LDR was the moment I had to leave Daddy to go to the airport to return back to my country. No one explains how, after learning and loving someone through a screen, that being with them in real life is magical. Even when bickering over stupid things, you are in this surreal world because the reality is, you made that moment happen. And so did he/she. You altered your life, moved the world and you two are now, finally, together.

 

Going back to an LT LDR after visiting Daddy was probably my first breaking point. All my life I had never felt like I was truly home, never felt like the place I was living in was anything other than a house. Until I met Daddy. I learned he was my home - and I hear this from many other LDR couples. But what I never heard was that the moment I was back in my old bedroom again, the world between us… I just wanted to quit. Not quit Daddy, but everything. I didn’t want to do anything that wasn’t linked directly to getting me back. It took me a month to realize how I was acting and how I was pushing my family away, but I couldn’t see anything other than the pain of not even being able to hold his hand.

 

When you leave your partner to return from wherever you came from… that is the single hardest moment in every LDR. And if you visit more than once, it will happen each time. It made me realize what I could have and how I could be living… but it wasn’t my reality, not the right time. And it is an incredibly depressing thought. Having to wait even longer after waiting for a compatible partner, and then finding out… you literally are a perfect fit. But you can’t be together again for awhile (in RL).

 

If you are in an LT LDR, especially if you can rarely visit, I urge you to all prep for this moment. Tell friends and family, tell your partner, prepare a “safe space” (for a horrendous lack of better words) in case you hit that wall. And this is why you must never push real life away, because you actually need that human connection to deal with the isolation from the person you love. I pushed my family away, but it took my younger brother pushing me back to get the picture. Don’t make that same mistake like I did.

 

Have a contingency plan, just in case."

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/35173-ldrs-the-good-the-bad-the-ugly/ (SFW)

 

As for how Daddy and I managed our first visit, I have told that story in another thread as well:

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28277-ddlgforum-success-stories/ (SFW)

[baby_k]

Thank you Little Illy! I was actually trying to find those posts you linked, as I vaguely remember reading them but search+me are not match made in heaven it seems....

 

I think your point on how going back to your own country is really tough, is really important: something at least I would have not thought about without you writing of it. Or would have thinked that 'sure, it is sad to leave' but how it can take longing of the other person to totally new level and be that sort of breaking point as you describe. I luckily have quite busy life with demanding work and hobbies (== many prearranged things that are hard to skip which will force me out of my home and to be social ) but will still need to think that and try to preplan for it. I think when you are at least somehow mentally prepared for your own ( negative ) reactions, you can control/manage and understand them better and not just be on the mercy of random emotions. So, really good point to know/think about PREHAND.

[prince eefy]

hi hi! im in a long distance relationship and have been for almost a year. safety precautions are always very important and make sure you set boundaries and everything and make sure youre both comfy with each other!!

 

when me and my daddy met (we met through mutual friends on facebook) for the first time in person, it was really really nervewracking. felt like my heart was gonna burst out of my chest!! i was shaking so bad. but..when i saw him. i just.. i knew. as nervous as i was, i knew. he was the one for me. he still is. he came and visited me the first time for 2 weeks and it was an incredible an amazing and magical time!! i went on so many dates with him and we did lotsa Little stuff too, like coloring and making puzzles together and he fed me lotsa noms!! :3

 

the second time we met, i went to go visit him cause my actual dad lived in the same state as my daddy! funny i know. but i went to visit him and i stayed for almost a month. it was an amazing time. i got to meet a lot of his family and we went on lotsa cute dates like the aquarium and the lego cafe and store and lots of cute restaurant dates! x3 i had an amazing time

 

but before ya both meet, make sure you set boundaries and talk about whats ok to do and whats not and talk about how it might be awkward at first cause it sure as heck was awkward for me at first but were ok now!! also..the heartache you feel when he leaves. its horrible. im an ugly crier and i couldnt stop crying when he left. it took me about 2 weeks to get over it the first time he left. the second time he left (bc he was moving states and had to leave earlier than me) it took me about 2-3 weeks to get over it as well. its really hard. it hurts. but youre not alone! ya have friends and family to be there for ya! just try not to isolate yourself. thats what i do, an i really shouldnt :/

[baby_k]

Such a cute story littleblueskyee! I can so imagine that I'll be super nervous like you when first seeing him. Did the nervousness go away quickly or was it bit awkward for longer? Before this I have ony bee in real life reals and even in them I think it took quite some time before one gets totally comfortable with the other person ( ah, the butterflies in belly ).

 

Also, was there any specifics that made you relax? (These questions are for anyone who happens to read this post btw )

 

Seems that people really have tendency to isolate themselves after the other person leaves..... And that is somewhat typical behavior for me anyhow as I'm highly introverted. So, really need to keep an eye on that and not let myself to become a hermit o_O

[prince eefy]

for me personally it was awkward a lil while longer!! after a few hours (for me) i got over it and we were comfy around each other! i think just talking to each other and holding his hand and doing fun activities like playin video games helped me relax.

[baby_k]

Hmm, alright, so, I definatey need some activities to sidetrack the nervousness

[prince eefy]

i would suggest it yeah! it'd help a lot and let you get used to each others company.

[Lola Step]

So my Daddy and I were semi long distance for the first few months- Although we lived in the same state we were about 1 hour away from each other which I know is probably nothing compared to different countries but it still was a bit difficult. We spoke online for about 4 months before we agreed to meet, I was SO nervous but we decided to meet in a public place with cameras etc; and we agreed that he would arrive first then text/call so I could approach the building from the back and scope him out first, seeing him sitting there and know he was (at least visually) who he said he was and seeing that he was nervous too was a huge weight off my shoulders. I think one thing that hasn't been adressed here yet is what I experienced is that the first meeting MAY not be all sparks and fireworks and passion, you could part ways the first day thinking "oh my god what am I doing this is so awkard it's nothing like I thought it would be!" and my advice to this is to take your time and give everything a chance (within reason of course). If his jokes are super lame and his hands are sweaty and you're not getting 'The Notebook' vibes just give it a chance to grow and see what happens, it's all about managing expectations. I'm sure you already know all this but I'm just saying it because it's what I needed to hear when my Daddy and I first met, I told my friend about my 'doubts and, for lack of a better word, disappointment' and she immediately advised me to cut things off after only one meeting, all because I wasn't feeling "sparks". This DEFINITELY would've been an awful mistake as my Daddy and I have now been together for almost 6 years and he's a absolutely the most important person ever and treats me like a princess. I really hope your first meeting goes well and I look forward to hearing what happens and I hope my rambling story was somewhat useful

[baby_k]

Lola Step: actually super useful! I seem to find mainly stories where "I was madly in love with him the moment I saw him and all doubts vanished". Of course you easily hear success stories but to hear those which were not perfect rainbows and ponies immediately but still worked out are nice. As means even if things don't go perfectly, there is still maybe hope

 

Like one super weird thing I'm worried: what if I don't like how he smells or vice versa? Not meaning they have not showered but the normal individual smell people have. Really nice go and tell the other person "well, you are really great and all but you stink bad to my nose". One reason I want to meet as early as possible because then you can see that physically things are okay and like none of their mannerism or something annoys you totally. So, not to waste time on person who in theory is like perfect and then huge disapointment as it is not working in real life for some reason. I think the longer you go, the harder it would be to get over something like that.

 

And will post here how it went ( unless i'm found dead in pitch ( sorry for my bad sort of humor )).

[Little Illy]

Of course you easily hear success stories but to hear those which were not perfect rainbows and ponies immediately but still worked out are nice. As means even if things don't go perfectly, there is still maybe hope

 

Daddy and I had an awkward start. When I met him at the airport I almost ran my bags over, I couldn't make eye contact until we got back to the house and I could barely speak with him. We sat apart until we made it to the hotel room and even then we laid on the bed, chatting, but not really coming near one another.

 

We were so happy to see each other but it was more like we didn't believe it was actually happening. It took about 2 weeks for us to finally let the tension out and connect. I wont even lie, we were even worried about out sex life at the beginning. But we found it was because we were in that hotel and neither of us were in a comfy zone. We were so worried, we chatted, tried things, expressed out emotions. But we were somewhat outa sync.

 

So when we got back to the house and Daddy was in his comfy zone, I relaxed and then... it was the beginning of the bestest.

[baby_k]

Little Illy: I know that must have been really awkward for you but I must admit that it also sounds super cute for outsider. Like something you see in a movie <3

 

But yeah: if you can't truly relax and be on your comfortzone, the tension, worry and so can make connecting in deeper level pretty hard and it also can/will make people act in strained way which then probably adds on to the other person's uneasy feelings. Of course personality traits play a part there ( some get comfy in almost any situation fast ) and also coping mechanisms ( like I'm worried I go into 'robot mode', meaning ignoring emotions and just getting through with things that need to be done ).

 

 

Now: how one gets to that somewhat relaxed state as soon as possible ( specially as it is shortish visit )?  Doing stuff as suggested above is probably one key element at least but need to think this still. ....... I start to see my meeting bit too much of a science experiment atm but ou well

[Guest stuffiesprincess]

Seems like you’ve planned this out!

It’s the same in almost every country In Europe but don’t forget that our (Portugal) emergency number is 112

The airport (assuming that you’ll be coming to Lisbon) is quite good security wise

Can’t share any story cause the closest I had was meeting my best friend for the first time and he lives 4h away, o was at a competition and was so nervous that I couldn’t sleep the night before and completely screwed up during the comp

 

Anyways, good luck and share your story after you meet!

[Guest Avi]

Oh man all these stories made me smile like an idiot and even made me want to share mine, so here goes! (It was vanilla for anyone who wants to know)

 

Ive known her for 10 months before we met and practically talked every single day during those 10 months. I always wanted to come over but i just didnt have the money. Then, suddenly in december, (we first started talking in February) i had an opportunity. I had extra cash so i told her i wanted to come over. Finally. She was just flabbergasted and tears came into her eyes. I booked the tickets on while we were skyping with cameras on and seeing her face, as she saw me completing the transaction. The realisation i actually was willing to go to a whole other country just for her. That blew her away. She was so happy and it was amazing.

 

Fast forward 2 weeks. I was on the plane. We agreed we would meet in a flower garden. My best friend at the time was gonna pick me up at the airport. (They happened to live in the same town) as he stood up and we did the worst handshake but awesome brohug (known eachother for3 years) he stepped aside. There. She. Was. I just.. what? I didnt know what to do or what the hell to say?? I was smiling and just letting it sink in and all that came out of my mouth was "..hey there!" She slowly walked up to me. She's about20 cm shorter. Badass leather jacket (we were both wearing leather jackets omg) beautiful, long, black hair. PIERCING big eyes.. Just a perfect face. She buried her face into my chest. I was so in awe!! I finally had her in my arms. I did it!! It didnt last more than a few seconds and then we went on our way to my friends car. Her cheeks were burning red and i didnt want to initiate contact because we discussed that she would when she was comfortable. I was totally okay with that. Not even halfway to my friends car she twirls her arm around mine and lays her head on it and FBJDKSHSHDH the butterflies!! This was so muchbetter than i expected!!

 

It was a 2 hour drive in the car and she was quiet most of the drive. We were inthe backseat and she held my hand. Her tiny hand just disappeared in mine it was so cute! I then chatted away with my friend. (I dont shut up) and tried to involve her intothe conversation but she was way too shy so i shifted my attention onto her and we had some really nice moments.

 

The following hours my friend was a total buzzkill. The 3 of us took a walk and after about an hour and a half we started giving him signs we wanted to have a moment withthe 2 of us but hes notthe brightest so i ended up leading us to his house and just whispered "dude can you do me a favor and go home so we can have a moment thank you i love you"

 

And so we went on a walk. Just the 2 of us. Letting the reality sink in. Having amazing conversations. Throwbacks to funny moments. We stopped underneath a streetlight on a hill. I had this funny little challenge pop in my mind. I asked her to look me in the eyes as long as she could (my intention was to see her improve over time)

 

So she accepted and we looked into eachothers eyes. No more than 4 hours after first meeting. Her eyes were on fire. Im telling you, it waslike an animal was inside ! She then moved closer to me and tip toed (I KNOW HOW CUTE) and we kissed. You know that drawing of a couple kissing and the guys brains splatter? That! We were in sync. Perfectly. Its like we had always known eachother. She leads me to a more isolated space where its a little darker and whoowie that was spectacular! (NSFW) she is veeery sensitive on about 14 spots and i knew about 10 (she wanted me to find out) i put her against a fence and we had the best damn makeout session. I picked her up and she twirled her legs around my waist and kissed her neck and i could feel her breath tremble. I think this lasted a good 15 minutes. When we were done, i had to hold her up bc she couldn't stand on her own legs and we just watched the stars. From that moment on all the nerves were gone and we were like any other couple but with so much more appreciation.

 

Putting so much effort into someone and when it works, its the best feeling there is.

[baby_k]

@Stuffiesprincess: relieving comment about the Lisbon airport as yes, landing there

Hoping atm that the heat you are having would disappear..... I will die if over 25C Other than that, I'm pretty excited to see Portugal for have only been there as child ( and don't remember a thing ). Without the hugh temperatures, I probably would have visited sooner but I was worried that I just suffer from heat and get cranky, so not the best situation to be meeting "physically new" person.

 

@Aesthetically pleasing: thank you for sharing your story, sounds like you had quite the time together The "staring contest" sounds pretty fun and highly intense!

[Littlekitten5432]

Hai! I just recently met my daddy about 3 months ago after knowing him for FIVE YEARS! The first few hours were awkward, and not exactly fun. Once we settled down in our hotel room and he took my stuffies away (he was playing) was when i got used to him and after that I knew we were meant to be together. And yes the heart break when you separate is oh my god... horrible. Lucky for me i was going to visit him in 2 weeks for 2 months. That was amazing being together for 2 months (he is in college but in the summer when i visited he was at his family house and thats where i stayed) being together for two months was the best thing it was a dream come true. A dream that had to end, and now being apart again meant i had to go home (an abusive home) that was the hardest thing 2 nights before i left i couldn't sleep. Getting home was a disaster and heart break. I new we would make it. You have to remember that it took hard work to meet for the first time and it takes even harder work to finaly live together.

[baby_k]

Okay, so reporting here now

 

Our situation changed quite a lot because we found major difference in how we were thinking about values just before the trip ( https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/35926-priorities-and-theoretical-question/ ). However it maybe was quite good thing in the end.

 

So, we had sort of given up on having a relationsip as our worlds seemed million miles away from each other but decided to meet anyhow. Lisbon was so hot, so I was near fainting when I got off the plane. Meaning I was super sweaty and not thinking anything else than how to walk.... Great first impression to give while being sweating like pig and being all red. Luckily he did not ran away.

 

I felt safe with him immediately even he says I looked nervous as hell. I also did not allow him to carry my bags ( I deal with my own crap thank you very much, not forcing anyone else to do it for me ) and tell him no as he asked can he give me kisses on cheeks ( instant rejection from me as you don't do that stuff here in north....). I didn't even notice that but did not make things too easy on him.

 

We had quite the hassle with car rental and then getting to the hotel. I still have no clue why but my normal paranoia was gone and I was practically just following him with no worries of the world ( the heat may play a part in this ).

 

In the hotel he gave me a moment by myself by taking a walk. I think this was a good thing, specially as it is easier to ask if all okay with text.

 

After that we went sightseeing and I was taking pictures + playing pokemon with him. I think doing stuff helped a lot as one could focus on taht stuff and not the weirdness the meeting was causing. As yes, it was super weird to see the other person in live. Like i could easily recognise him but.... somehow still so different. And honestly speaking taking his look in took a while ( I'm not great with any changes ). So, there definately was some initial shock that wore off after some days.

 

We had pretty fully booked days which was good as we avoided talking of the serious matters ( meaning I was thinking that I would not see him again after the trip which definately did put strain on me as I had to constantly keep emotional distance and sort of try to pick fault in him/us ). This allowed him to see how we were and I guess get hooked as we work pretty well together: share interest, sense of humor and some values ( we for example enjoyed bashing random people who acted "wrong" ).

 

In the end: we had lot of fun. I also had mental melt down in the last days of the trip because of our issues but we were then able to finally talk things through in a way that he understood my view point ( this btw took two evenings and lot of processing, specially from his part ). And he actually thinks that it would be possible to valuate partner over family now. We are not there yet but for now I can settle for him thinking that is possibility in future where as before my trip it was "never gonna happen". To be seen what future holds of course as I'm not willing to have partner to whom I'm not first priority always. But at least we are about on the same page now with this.

 

We also went to a beach with scary waves ( awesome 'excuse' to cling to the other person, feel protected and so on <3 ) and he made me drive over magnetic distortion which was amazingly cool but bit scary in same time. And we had the most fun date ever in science museum where we could play and fool around like kids.

 

 

Soo, protips:

* die with heat, so meeting the other is not as nerve wracking for you can't think

* have fight just before, so there is no expectations or pressure

* don't talk about the elephant in the room

* fall asleep on sofa, so he needs to carry you to bed while you drool in the most charming way

 

( *sarcasm* )

 

 

Things that actually worked:

*  give each other time to process

* communicate in a way that is natural to you (so also texting!)

* have lot of activities, so focus is on those

* have excuses like foot massage and watching movies on sofa to get physically closer and getting used to that

* be considerate of the other and try to ease their mind when things don't go too perfectly

* laugh a lot

* do relaxing things  ( like we spent time in nature because relaxed calm person is more open person )

[PrincessMuhree]

Thanks peeeps!

this topic is SUPER helpful!

currently tryna find conventions or something specified to DD / lg, and having little to no luck 🥺

my girl @orangesurvivorand I are thinking we need to create our own at this point Lmao 

[PrincessMuhree]

Just now, PrincessMuhree said:

Thanks peeeps!

this topic is SUPER helpful!

currently tryna find conventions or something specified to DD / lg, and having little to no luck 🥺

my girl @orangesurvivorand I are thinking we need to create our own at this point Lmao 

Btw I’m in PA , USA 

[PrettyinPinkxx22]

I love this! So helpful! 💟