how would i tell my mom about this lifestyle

[prince eefy]

so i have a little bit of an odd question. if i wanted to tell my real mom that i live with about this lifestyle that i live, how would i tell her? ive sorta told her before just a teeny bit and she thought it was odd, but i wanna ease her into it more. does anyone have any good tips or resources to let my mom know about the lifestyle and how it works in a way that explains it that is simple and not.. like.. over complicated, if that makes sense?

[Guest Dulci]

I don't really get why... It's not something that you need to tell your mum/family about. It's not like "coming out". 

 

Why does your mum need to know? 

 

For me, my family know I like things that are cute, I love plushies, disney ect ect. But it's part of my personality to them, they don't need to know the real detail that I get up to in my personal life. 

[prince eefy]

idk i guess its bc im really close with my mom. i wouldnt tell her about the sexual part. just the part where i act small and go into little space.

[Guest AMS23]

My family knows about my lifestyle. I found it freeing. I can be myself 100 percent around them. For a while my mom lived with me in one of the houses my family owns. She is mentally ill and has some issues with depression and stuff. I was full on little with her around. My family respects me for my lifestyle and I respect them for theirs.

 

I told my family one holiday when they were over and found my playroom. It wasn’t an awkward convo it was more they were curious and I was happy to share.

[prince eefy]

how did you tell her about it?

[Guest AMS23]

My mom? It all started one holiday years back when I was married they all came over and accidentally found our kink room. Everything on display ect. They always asked why they weren’t allowed in the basement haha it wasn’t bound to happen. They just asked what things were. How you use them. Why? Lots of why?

After that I divorced (not my choice to divorce) my mom and I lived together for a short time and I just did my own thing. She asked questions sometimes.

Edited September 3, 2018 by AMS23

[sullenDaddybones]

Talked to a lot of Kinksters over the years and DDLG is usually classified as that type of lifestyle = something you would find on Fet Life...

 

I don't think my mother would want to know. I wouldn't tell her how a great blow job I had got was like and I don't think I will ever tell her about about this. TMI

 

411: My ex called me Daddy and treated me like one and everyone saw it as normal after a very short while. Though they called it "Creepy," the odd thing was is the really old fashioned people saw it as normal. I found that oddest of all. The modern progressive people saw it as a degrading relationship. The old farts saw it as Sweet and similar to their own...

[Guest AMS23]

I agree with the public view of ddlg sullendsddybones~ I think it all depends on the people you are telling. The audience. I know some people take it well and others are creeped out and don’t understand.

I guess it’s important to ask why do you want to tell her? Did she ask? Do you want that open relationship with her?

 

 

To each their own but I think no matter what if you tell her or not just keep being yourself.

[Guest Arc]

I personally don't understand the need to come out to parents. I'd never tell my family as it's my private life and there's no actual reason for them to know. Plus I know they'd not be comfortable with or accepting of it. .-. 

 

However... if you do need to and you know they're not going to react in a way that is upsetting or harmful to you... just go slow. Make it clear that they can ask any and all questions and will receive an honest answer, and also that if at any point they can stop the conversation if they are uncomfortable. There are plenty of resources out there but everyone does things differently so imo it would be best to explain it how you see it. Think about it, write it out if you have to, and just find a way to say it simply in your own words. Explain what it means to you, what is does for you, and how important it is to you. Don't overcomplicate it and go slow. Good luck ^^

[Little Illy]

I wrote a thread exactly about this:

 

"People frequently ask about coming out to their family as a CG and as a little, and its great they get the support they want! However, I have been seeing many times (here and elsewhere) when a CG or Little (specifically littles) want to come out to their family when they know, without a doubt, their family will react negatively or even abusively. I understand their desire for their family to accept them for who they are, but at the same time I find it incredibly closed minded to do so when their family is openly opposed to this lifestyle. Don't hate me yet, hear me out.

 

I don't understand why a lot of the community feels this dire need to 'come out' to their parents because to me coming out to parents who hate this lifestyle is nothing more than gaining a title for yourself. I am NOT saying they are wrong for wanting to! I am simply stating I don't feel that way and therefore it is very hard for me to understand this specific need.

 

When I think of this side of myself, I know I desire friends and close ones to interact with my identity. I want to be able to freely squeal at the sight of Beauty and the Beast, or puppies, or any number of Little triggers I have. But I have absolutely no desire to include someone in on this part of me who;

 

1. Isn't supportive

2. I know would want nothing to do with it. 

3. I know this lifestyle goes directly against any beliefs they have

4. Are incredibly narrow-minded

 

And, regardless of what we all want to happen, most of the time we know what will happen. And if any of the above are the case, I will argue that talking about who you are versus being who you are appropriately is not the way to go.

 

For me, this lifestyle is equal to "bedroom" discussion for the outside world. I know a lot of people aren't sexual as a little, but what I mean is that this lifestyle makes people so uncomfortable it can be equivalent to discussing private, sexual details. Am I saying what anyone is doing in their dynamic should be something to be ashamed of? Absolutely not. But what I am talking about here is respecting the boundaries and limits of those around you.

 

We all have normalized this dynamic, and we all want to be accepted. There is nothing wrong with that. That is actually what every single person wants: to be accepted of who they are. HOWEVER, I don't think we have the right to force it upon people who are made uncomfortable by it. If we are a member of this dynamic we have to be mature enough to realize that this dynamic freaks people out! We can wish that wasn't true all we want, but it is. Our lifestyle is still very much considered taboo, or worse, and so we have a responsibility to our own mental health to truly evaluate what we are divulging. And we can do our best to try to educate someone, but that doesn't mean we should be forceful and have expectations.

 

I met someone who was pissed that their parents had a volatile reaction. Yet when I asked about it, I found out she knew her parents would react that way. So... why do that? Why do that to yourself, why torment yourself further now having your family against you? And why do that TO THEM?! Do your parents know that you love giving oral, or how about wearing crotchless panties? What about telling them you go to raves or have benders? How about if you like licking ass or love deep throating or any number of things? You wouldn't (normally) discuss these things with family because there is this boundary that isn't crossed (again, normally). So... why do they NEED to know you use diapers, onesies, pacis, etc? They really don't - if they are going to be distraught and treat you negatively, then they REALLY do not NEED to know.

 

Now before anyone gets angry: Yes I know people want their family to accept them for who they are. I am one of them. Yes I understand some family will be totally accepting. My siblings would probably be some of them. Yes I understand that some family just need to hear the explanation and then they will get it. My best friend was like this. These are NOT the situations I am addressing. I am focusing on when a person know's their family would be distraught and decides to do it anyways. 

 

The biggest reason why I disagree with coming out so candidly is because of the risks it can cause the dynamic:

 

- What if you come out because you need support? Now all you have is hostility. How is that helpful?

 

- What if you come out because you want to freely express yourself? Well, now you have gained an unsavory reputation that can possibly affect your future.

 

- What if you came out because you want your parents to accept you and your partner? Now your partner is at risk for slander.

 

- What if you come out because you're having anxiety of hiding this new found identity? Now you feel like it wrong it with it and you?

 

- What if you come out for acceptance? Now your parents or family are throwing you out because they believe this is "disgusting"?

 

And so on. I use those examples as I have seen every single one of them happen, and some of them more than a few times.

 

There are SO MANY GOOD reasons why to come out. But at the same time, I hate to be a bitch, but there is a time place. And 8 times out of 10, you know (general You) how your parents would react. And during those 8 times out of 10, I think it is silly, and almost selfish, to expect something different.

 

You can BE yourself around your parents without OUTING yourself. I watch Disney with my father, he watches me geek out over "kid things" and yet I have never come out to him. Would I ever wear a diaper or use a paci or call my partner 'Daddy' in front of him? Absolutely not! But he has ACCEPTED me for who I am because I am MYSELF when around my parents. But like lingerie, I don't "dress up" my identity. And I don't feel the need to.

 

I could be wrong, but I feel there are many ways to get your family's approval without coming out. But I could be wrong as I honestly don't feel this need for people to have a label (little) for me. Most of your family accepts these quirks of yours already; playful, loves childish things, loves bright pink or bows or puppies, or they know you like control or enjoy leading the group. Family members aren't stupid, they already see these things in you, they just don't know the title nor the depth. And I challenge here: do they really need to know how deeply you like control or love childish things? 

 

Just be who you are, start opening up a bit more each time about the "accepted" social behavior; geek out over cute things, enjoy those candies, wear your pigtails - these are all things with which you identify as, and they are easily accepted in society. That is You being You. There are always ways to show your identity even when you don't think there isn't any; I bought a professional-style leather purse. It is navy blue with a single, tiny golden bow on it. It is professional yet the bow and color make me feel like I can express myself, even just a bit, in a suit and tie environment. 

 

These are easy babysteps to get your family used to the idea instead of just going "TA-DAH! IM A LITTLE!"

 

Get creative, but we need to make sure we aren't hurting people needlessly. And yes, I know nothing ventured nothing gained, but reality is, we know what will be gained in most situations. And we should be mindful for them and, most importantly, for your own mental health.

 

Again... 

 

This is all my opinion and my opinion only. I AM NOT SAYING I AM CORRECT AND ANYONE ELSE IS WRONG. This is simply how I view this whole issue. Please do not take offense to what works for me!

Edited September 3, 2018 by Little Illy

[prince eefy]

little lily, thats very true and i see your point in that post. now that i think about it my real mom or real dad might not take it as well as i thought. maybe "coming out" as a Little is not for the best. i just hate feeling like i have a secret part or secret life from them.