Disappointed and envious from not finding a daddy yet...

[Guest cloudscloudsclouds]

.

Edited September 6, 2018 by cloudscloudsclouds

[Little Illy]

It is VASTLY common to not find a partner right away. Even more so if you actually care and are trying to find a compatible partner.

 

I searched for a Daddy for 4 years, I searched for a Dom for 8 years. I had to wait and be patient.

 

But you are right. That is the lonely side and nothing anyone says ("Just be you and the right Daddy will come along") is going to take that away.

 

What finally helped me was deciding to work on my identity. I took the time to do a ton of research, to experiment with things on my own (do I really like pacies?) and so on. I threw myself into the community and ended up making some great friends... but I was still alone. Having friends and a support system helped. I actually made really good friends with a Daddy and we supported each other while we each looked for our respective partners. Having friends in this community does, in fact, make it seem a little less lonely.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

The key is to look foremost for a partner, a Daddy second. Not meaning have both necessarily.

 

I mean I was married first for 4-5yrs, and I was just fortunate enough that my husband wanted to be my Daddy.

But I was always quite happy being into the stuff I was into without his involvement. And that seems to be a rare scenario.

 

My heart goes out to all the lonely Littles out there.

If I could clone and distribute mine I would.

But so far they keep coming out with 5 arms and 3 asses.

[xBabydollx]

I think it helps to look at DD/lg just like anything else. It's really no different. Even in the vanilla realm of things it can take a long time to find a 'worthwhile' bf/gf, hubby/wife, love of ur life sort of partner. The average person is not fortunate enough to find those things fast. It often takes years. DD/lg is no exception because creating bonds of any type is all the same, no matter what kind of lifestyle it is. I don't think u should give up. Most ppl won't give up if they didny't meet the love of their life and married by 22, for example lol. Just have to be patient. Things also aren't always as sweet as ppl make it out to be, ijs. A lot of ppl put up a happy front, even if their dynamic could be on the verge of the end. Seen it quite a bit. Best not to focus on others so much or how things appear, tho I completely understand getting jealous at times.

[Little Illy]

 It often takes years. DD/lg is no exception because creating bonds of any type is all the same, no matter what kind of lifestyle it is. I don't think u should give up. 

 

I actually argue CG/L (DDlg) is one of the most intimate bonds. One of. But because of the inherently intimate nature of this dynamic, I reckon a person needs to take even longer creating these bonds because they are literally the foundation of not only this entire dynamic, but will be the base in a relationship.

[xBabydollx]

I personally believe the intimicacy of the bond comes from being free to be one's self (which u can't do really with a vanilla partner). Someone who is a little can finally relish in and reveal their true form to someone who is receptive so ofc it would be a great and special bond. Even if it was a pet who can finally be themselves around a Master. Vanilla ppl are also able to be their true self with their vanilla partner and create a super intimate bond. It is easier to be their true self, since it is the norm (the type of dynamic they enjoy). I don't think one is more special or intimate than the other when both have someone willing to accept who they are completely. I think finally finding that acceptance, which vanilla ppl more easily find, is what makes it (DD/lg or other unique lifestyles) seem superior. The most intimate bonds to me is when u can see a couple finally be able to be their trueselves with each other, with no need for a mask, no matter the lifestyle. It's something very special to see a couple match so well together. Not saying that u did, but I always find it disheartening when I see ppl compare dynamics. I see so many littes and some Daddies that say 'littles are the best kind of sub' or DD/lg is the most intimate relationship because of how vulnerable it is, as if being a pet isn't something extremely vulnerable, or a sub, a slave, or even a vanilla person who find the love of their life who they can always bare all too. I just never quite understood why ppl felt the need to make one seem more special. I was so offended once when a slave girl made it seem like slaves was the only true sub, littles etc wasnt real ones or as special. What resonates best to an individual, will always appear superior.

[Guest Prat]

"So, I guess in ddlg there's a lot of talk about how awesome someone's daddy is, how happy the little is, etc."

 

 

There's a lot of talk, yes, but it's not always like that, even in the seemingly perfect relationships. Also you have to take into account that there's people out there who will legit lie about stuff like that just to make themselves feel better.

 

Either way, don't feel bad about not finding the right partner yet. Like many have told you before, it takes time. In the meantime, maybe you can find something to do to keep your mind occupied so you're not overly focused on your problem. Maybe work on yourself or find a hobby or something.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Prat(Praetorian)

[Chubbydaddy64]

So, I guess in ddlg there's a lot of talk about how awesome someone's daddy is, how happy the little is, etc. But I'm talking about the lonelier side of ddlg where a little doesn't have a daddy. I've searched for 2 years and still haven't come across a daddy yet who'd match well with me, and I dunno if it's something common or rare? I feel really envious when I see littles with amazing daddies, I get really sad and wish I had that. 

 

 

Should I just give up? If i've tried for 2 years and it didn't work, then it must be just my bad luck right?

I’m sure you will eventually find just the right daddy

I know that it’s been a long time but as they say

“Good things come to those who wait”

 

I’m looking for a middle or a little but gotta find the right one. I don’t want to just take one and end up us both being disappointed. I’m new to this so I’m still not sure what I want properly.

Would prefer a middle I think because my work keeps me busy and I’m told that most middles would be more likely to be forgiving if I had to work late or longer

But if I find a little who is ok then I will see how it goes

 

Good luck with your search and hope you find your perfect daddy but don’t give up

[Guest Longlegs]

From my experience, the two most common groups you'll run into are 1) the ones who want a relationship as soon as possible & 2) the ones who want the relationship.
What follows is that both camps spend a considerable amout of time being single.

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Don't forget us poor Daddies without Littles.  Been almost 2 years looking for me.  Keep getting ghosted.

[Guest Avi]

 

From my experience, the two most common groups you'll run into are 1) the ones who want a relationship as soon as possible & 2) the ones who want the relationship.

What follows is that both camps spend a considerable amout of time being single.

This is just painstakingly accurate

[Little Illy]

 

From my experience, the two most common groups you'll run into are 1) the ones who want a relationship as soon as possible & 2) the ones who want the relationship.

What follows is that both camps spend a considerable amout of time being single.

 

 

Everything is relative to perspective. I was single for about 4 years, but it didn't actually start to bother me to the latter half of the 4th year. Being single needs to stop being considered such a negative. I spent 3.5 years finding out who I really was; I found out my little side, I found out my Mommy side, I discovered a side of me that was considering a Mommy that was never even a thought before, I found I was a puppy and most importantly, I found a community to be a part of.

 

Sure there were moments when my favorite couples would come in and I'd have to turn to my friend who happened to be a CG and ask "when is my time?" But honestly, those moments were far and few in between because I focused on the things I could control. I could control how people saw me, and therefore knew what to expect, I staid true to myself, despite the many incompatible offers, I grew as a little instead screaming for a Daddy and so on.

 

I am in the waiting for the one relationship. And I waited for 4-6 years depending on what part you wanna think about. But, frankly, that waiting feels like a million miles away and gave me the confidence to take a chance on a man who was 9134 miles away because I knew we were actually compatible, unlike everyone else. I had spent so much time getting to know my own ins and outs, that after 5 months of knowing him, I was ready to fly to his country and stay with him for 2 months. Because we put the effort into connecting.

 

So maybe if people stop look at being single as the plague, they could really see the usefulness in being single, even just for a year.

 

Oh, and that man? Daddy and I have out 2 year anniversary in 1 month. So I think it was definitely worth being single to find my very best friend.

Edited September 5, 2018 by Little Illy

[PrinzeCharming]

Being single needs to stop being considered such a negative. I spent 3.5 years finding out who I really was; 

 

So maybe if people stop look at being single as the plague, they could really see the usefulness in being single, even just for a year.

 

Unfortunately, society is caught up in being in relationships. It's a big void we must fill. It's like a universal requirement, and now we're in the "Ship Gen" when all couples will receive ship names. There hasn't been much thought into self-discovery because we're pushed to please others. We go to school to please our parents and teachers. We go to church to please our parents and our community. We're all forced into a cookie cutter lifestyle, and part of that is being in a relationship with someone else. The other day my dad yelled at me for not going up to three ladies sitting around a table staring into their phones on a casino cruise ship without any guys nearby. They were around my age, mind you I'm 29 and I just got out of a one year relationship a few months ago. What the hell? Why can't I just enjoy being alone? Why do I have to introduce myself? Growing up, I've seen it. People love each other for a short period of time, and then they have a new relationship. This is why they're still a mess. They don't understand the core values of self-discovery, having a relationship with themselves, and the core values of establishing a friendship with someone before any official commitment. What ever happened to getting to know someone better? 

[xBabydollx]

That's a good point PrinzeCharming. Even my parents always saying, "when are u getting a bf? When are u getting married?" and even say they will arrange it as if it's all a rush lol and I'm still quite young. Society seems to expect everyone to be in a relationship to be valid/accomplished

[Little Illy]

Unfortunately, society is caught up in being in relationships. It's a big void we must fill. It's like a universal requirement, and now we're in the "Ship Gen" when all couples will receive ship names. There hasn't been much thought into self-discovery because we're pushed to please others. We go to school to please our parents and teachers. We go to church to please our parents and our community. We're all forced into a cookie cutter lifestyle, and part of that is being in a relationship with someone else. The other day my dad yelled at me for not going up to three ladies sitting around a table staring into their phones on a casino cruise ship without any guys nearby. They were around my age, mind you I'm 29 and I just got out of a one year relationship a few months ago. What the hell? Why can't I just enjoy being alone? Why do I have to introduce myself? Growing up, I've seen it. People love each other for a short period of time, and then they have a new relationship. This is why they're still a mess. They don't understand the core values of self-discovery, having a relationship with themselves, and the core values of establishing a friendship with someone before any official commitment. What ever happened to getting to know someone better? 

 

I honestly believe it is due to our instant gratification lifestyle the generations are getting used to. On one hand we have to work our asses off to survive but on the other hand, with social media, streaming, and the ease at which we get our first world needs really conditions how we think. And this mentality transfers over to relationships. How many times have you seen 18yo here scream "I am going to die ALONE! My personal has been up for a day and no one has responded!" or "I just can't even sleep without a Daddy, is there any Daddies here?" and again, they are 18.

 

People are putting 1. so much weight on having to have a relationship that most cant even function without even the chase. They spend their entire time looking for a partner because to them, that is the biggest thing to do. No matter how young they are. And 2. due to our instant gratification world, (my full opinion of that here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12827-instant-gratification/ SFW) you combine with the desperate pressure to have a relationship and now you have scores of people jumping head first with people who are nowhere near compatible and *bam* here we are today.

Edited September 6, 2018 by Little Illy

[BabyBird0891]

I actually argue CG/L (DDlg) is one of the most intimate bonds. One of. But because of the inherently intimate nature of this dynamic, I reckon a person needs to take even longer creating these bonds because they are literally the foundation of not only this entire dynamic, but will be the base in a relationship.

I would back Illy on this thought, based on personal experience. My Daddy (future husband) and I were friends for a year, brought together by a mutual interest before we ever started getting close. Over many months after I told him about a particular problem I was having, we developed a very intimate and trusting emotional relationship that eventually turned to sexual topics following mutual disclosures of our interests. Once we were together once, we both kind of knew, and it’s been a tough road at times, with growing pains like any relationship.

But the DDLG dynamic truly does require greater intimacy and transparency, as well as openness for the foundation.

So my two cents, just take it slow and let things develop. Find a friend and partner first, a Daddy second, otherwise the dynamic drives the relationship rather than the underlying friendship. Not a great foundation for something long term.

[Guest Longlegs]

 

I'm not sure where this is coming from, as I never meant to imply being single is somehow a bad thing.

Personally speaking, I'm fine by myself, to the extent I'd rather stay single forever than spend a day in a relationship that's not 120% my thing.

Which is why I don't understand why anyone would rush into a relationship, just for the sake of being in one.

[BabyBird0891]

 

I'm not sure where this is coming from, as I never meant to imply being single is somehow a bad thing.

Personally speaking, I'm fine by myself, to the extent I'd rather stay single forever than spend a day in a relationship that's not 120% my thing.

Which is why I don't understand why anyone would rush into a relationship, just for the sake of being in one.

People do it all the time....and end up getting hurt. It’s a shame.