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Talking turn offs?


AngelLove
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So I’m not sure if it’s just me but something that really turns me away when I’m getting to know someone is when I reply slow or or say I’m going to be busy or something, they’ll reply like “oh you just don’t wanna talk right? It’s because I’m ugly right” “ I knew this would happen, no one ever likes me, blah blah blah” like. That kind of attitude just majorly turns me away, like don’t talk so down about yourself like that?

 

Anyway does anyone else understand or feel like this? Or do you guys have other “talking turn offs” ? Idk where I was really going with this

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Guest Aetherr

probably not a specific one but 1-3 word responses and hours between replies for no reason even when you politely ask "what you upto?" and get back "nm u?" like 3 hours later is just guaranteed to get me to die of boredom before any icebreaking happens

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Guest stuffiesprincess

When I’m talking to someone that I really enjoy talking to and they leave sometimes I feel like that to be completely honest, I don’t say it to that person but I think it.

It also happens when the other person just stops answering or takes a long time to answer

The rational part of my brain knows that the other person is busy but the other part ignores that completely.

Most people say it as a joke and just to mess around but some actually feel that way ‍♀

I usually try to make them understand that I’m just busy and I’m not ignoring them

I do understand how that could be a turn off to most people though

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We're living in a society of entitlement, instant gratification, and narcissism. People want attention for their own satisfaction. You could be assisting an elderly woman cross the street, but they demand that response sooner than you'll safely cross the street. These are the same people who believe talking is attention, and attention is interest. Therefore, when you suddenly have to live your life to the fullest, they take it personally. This is a sign of insecurities, and they're clearly not over rejection yet. What better way to blame their appearance? Since you're obviously not interested in how engaging (or lack thereof) they are, then it must be their appearance. I feel the same way. I am that guy who deals with the girls claiming that they're lucky a guy like me is talking to them. What does that even mean? It's one of my pet peeves. The second one is when they say I could do better because they're obviously not good enough. 

Edited by PrinzeCharming
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I completely understand this! I hate it too because even if it's not the motivation behind it... I hate feeling pressured through guilt into giving up other things to talk to someone and keep them happy.

 

I was with a guy once who would always use "fine I'll just go away since I'm not wanted here" and it took me far, far too long to learn not to buy into it. I gave up so much to keep him happy because I hate people feeling down and I wanted to help. 

 

I'm sure some people genuinely feel like that, and I know I've felt like that myself.... but saying things like that puts pressure on people to stay even when they are busy. It's not fair, even if their motivation isn't to guilt trip you ._. 

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My biggest text turn off is actually the person who just stops responding in the middle of a conversation. I find it rude. It honestly isn't hard to type "Be right back", or even "BRB". To clarify, this is only with conversations that are moving along at a rapid pace, and no indication of them being otherwise occupied is given.

I try very hard to say something like "I'm eating, so I may be slow.", or "I'm watching a show, so I might not answer right away.". I feel like its just common courtesy.

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I hatehatehate when the other person doesn't latch onto the CLEAR conversation points I bring up. It's not hard to ask me about my interests or expand on yours! 

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My biggest 'talking turn offs' are when people are so self-absorbed in their own life that they won't even engage in your interests, yet you are engaging in conversation about their interests.

 

When people don't ask you "How are you?" when you ask how they are.

 

When their grammar sucks.

 

When people selectively read to either get pissy about one thing I said vs the whole picture I painted for them, or only read things that have to do with them.

 

Overly whiny people. Now, not to say I won't help support a friend in need, but if it's all day every day whinging mixed in with point 1 and 2 I made, I get fucked off really fast.

 

I'm unsure if this counts as a 'talking' peeve, but I had this friend who would only talk to me when she had a Daddy (she needed a Daddy to be happy, essentially) and if she wasn't with someone, she would ignore me and lowkey hate my relationship.

 

When people say "hi" and then don't even wait 5 minutes for me to say "hi" back before throwing a strop.

 

The whole "hey" "hru" "nm u" "nm" conversations.... ¬_¬

 

People who ALWAYS ask for help/advice/guidance on every single thing they do, but never give back when it's needed.

 

Passive aggression, that also ties into petty jabs.
 

Edited by Maids
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Guest Bunnyblossom

Passive aggression via text convos annoys the ever-loving-shit out of me.

Say what you mean, don’t be so cowardly or purposefully bitchy.

That’s a one way ticket to hatedom for me.

Ain’t nobody got time for that pathetic drama.

 

I’m mad already just thinking about it, can you tell? ☺️

I’m not a mega blunt person, I’m just not a dickweed about communicating either.

 

OH AND-

“K” as a response.

And the murdery looking :) smiley face. It looks like you lowkey wanna skin a fool and wear it to your favourite restaurant, no matter what you say alongside it.

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Oh boy... oh man... don't judge me guys... I do have OCD, diagnosed... don't judge...

 

 

Turn Offs I Can't Live With - Ever

 

1. WRITING IN TEXT SPEECH! My brain literally cannot handle text speech. I have had friends stop texting me because they knew it would freak me out to read when they didn't type everything out. I cannot replace letters and numbers for words and all of these little acronyms "smh" "FFS" and so on are too much for me. When I am little I can adapt to the little nature, but otherwise it makes it almost impossible for me to read.

 

2. Being Unhygienic - I am that person that has a pack of baby wipes by her bed, in the bathroom, by the sink and in the office. I have handi-wipes for surfaces in every other room. When a person is unclean, and there is no excuse for it, they immediately leave a dark, black, stain of themselves in my mind. I understand sweat happens and a dirty day does as well. What I am talking about are people who just do not groom nor clean themselves.

 

3. BEING PETTY! - I don't play games, I don't mince words and I don't do hints. Especially if I am with a man, if he starts doing any of that or what have you, I am done. I understand if it happens during an argument and then yall make up, but if it is in your nature to be a petty fuck, I will destroy you and leave. Relationships aren't sports to me, they are legit.

 

4. The 'Mommy' Syndrome - This has absolutely nothing to do with the CG/L dynamic. What I am talking about are full grown men who expect their partners to do everything their mother did for them growing up. Think of Howard W. from Big Bang Theory. Those men who basically cannot function without their biological mother caring for them, and thus when you get with them, you become the stand in. ​[Again, nothing to do with MD/lb dynamic, I am not devaluing them in any way. This is a person who just doesn't care for himself, nothing else.]

 

5. Refusing Ownership - This is when a person has the tendency to never own up to their mistakes, to not take responsibility for when they have hurt you or crossed a line. Those who turn it around and make it your fault because they literally don't get how they did anything wrong. 

 

6. NOT COMMUNICATING - This list is in no particular order, but this one is a MASSIVE biggie for me. I can be with a total fuck up of a partner (thankfully, I am not) but I will work with them as long as they are working on themselves and communicating. Because communication is literally everything, it is the key, the foundation and the base of any and all relationships. I refuse to even entertain the idea of being with someone who doesn't communicate. It is childish and immature in my opinion, especially if you have someone helping and working with them on it.

 

7. Not Supporting Your Partner's Identity - I have been in a relationship where my now ex said 'Don't ever talk about being bi, I don't want to hear it.' So I had to surpress that part of me for awhile. I have so many parts of my identity that when I see people who censor others just because they don't agree, don't want or don't like that identity, it really puts my teeth on edge. It is brutish and downright horribly immature. And can be abusive in relationships. Its a nasty trait and a flat out "get out" of my life.

 

8. Nose and Feet Picking - When a person picks at their feet or picks their nose it makes my stomach turn. Your feet are the sweatiest part of your body due to its design. I hate feet, they freak me out and are dirty on everyone. Even just in socks. Feet funk. And picking your nose is just the same. Your nose is designed to keep out dust, dirt and debris from your body. So all of you out there who pick your nose and eat it? You are eating dust and grime. Congrats. *pukes*

 

9. How A Person Treats Waitstaff - I worked in the food industry for 12 years. I have been every position you can think of, but primarily a waitress. I will literally never even be friends with someone who treats waitstaff like trash. You belittle them, mock them, run them off their feet, don't tip and then just act like an entitled piece of trash? We aren't even friends, guy. How you treat those who 'work for you' truly speaks, in volumes, about who you are as a person.

 

10. How A Person Treats Animals - I have tackled a man after he kicked his dog in the face. I have punched a woman for dragging a dog around by its ears. I have screamed at a couple for leaving their puppy in their hot car with less than an inch of one window cracked (I was able to pour water in the crack for the puppy). I have almost got into a van while a dude explained how he was new to the area and his puppy ran off and just needed my help (I was almost in, my friend pulled me back by my backpack). I don't care, I will always help a puppy. If you abuse animals, I will abuse you. [Not really, but seriously, don't be dicks and be nice to animals. None of us deserve them anyways.]

 

These are just the few I can think of off the top of my head. I haven't slept so I am sure I am missing a ton. But *meeps* oh well.

Edited by Little Illy
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Oh boy... oh man... don't judge me guys... I do have OCD, diagnosed... don't judge...

 

 

 

Turn Offs I Can't Live With - Ever

1. WRITING IN TEXT SPEECH! My brain literally cannot handle text speech. I have had friends stop texting me because they knew it would freak me out to read when they didn't type everything out. I cannot replace letters and numbers for words and all of these little acronyms "smh" "FFS" and so on are too much for me. When I am little I can adapt to the little nature, but otherwise it makes it almost impossible for me to read.

 

2. Being Unhygienic - I am that person that has a pack of baby wipes by her bed, in the bathroom, by the sink and in the office. I have handi-wipes for surfaces in every other room. When a person is unclean, and there is no excuse for it, they immediately leave a dark, black, stain of themselves in my mind. I understand sweat happens and a dirty day does as well. What I am talking about are people who just do not groom nor clean themselves.

 

3. BEING PETTY! - I don't play games, I don't mince words and I don't do hints. Especially if I am with a man, if he starts doing any of that or what have you, I am done. I understand if it happens during an argument and then yall make up, but if it is in your nature to be a petty fuck, I will destroy you and leave. Relationships aren't sports to me, they are legit.

 

4. The 'Mommy' Syndrome - This has absolutely nothing to do with the CG/L dynamic. What I am talking about are full grown men who expect their partners to do everything their mother did for them growing up. Think of Howard W. from Big Bang Theory. Those men who basically cannot function without their biological mother caring for them, and thus when you get with them, you become the stand in. ​[Again, nothing to do with MD/lb dynamic, I am not devaluing them in any way. This is a person who just doesn't care for himself, nothing else.]

 

5. Refusing Ownership - This is when a person has the tendency to never own up to their mistakes, to not take responsibility for when they have hurt you or crossed a line. Those who turn it around and make it your fault because they literally don't get how they did anything wrong.

 

6. NOT COMMUNICATING - This list is in no particular order, but this one is a MASSIVE biggie for me. I can be with a total fuck up of a partner (thankfully, I am not) but I will work with them as long as they are working on themselves and communicating. Because communication is literally everything, it is the key, the foundation and the base of any and all relationships. I refuse to even entertain the idea of being with someone who doesn't communicate. It is childish and immature in my opinion, especially if you have someone helping and working with them on it.

 

7. Not Supporting Your Partner's Identity - I have been in a relationship where my now ex said 'Don't ever talk about being bi, I don't want to hear it.' So I had to surpress that part of me for awhile. I have so many parts of my identity that when I see people who censor others just because they don't agree, don't want or don't like that identity, it really puts my teeth on edge. It is brutish and downright horribly immature. And can be abusive in relationships. Its a nasty trait and a flat out "get out" of my life.

 

8. Nose and Feet Picking - When a person picks at their feet or picks their nose it makes my stomach turn. Your feet are the sweatiest part of your body due to its design. I hate feet, they freak me out and are dirty on everyone. Even just in socks. Feet funk. And picking your nose is just the same. Your nose is designed to keep out dust, dirt and debris from your body. So all of you out there who pick your nose and eat it? You are eating dust and grime. Congrats. *pukes*

 

9. How A Person Treats Waitstaff - I worked in the food industry for 12 years. I have been every position you can think of, but primarily a waitress. I will literally never even be friends with someone who treats waitstaff like trash. You belittle them, mock them, run them off their feet, don't tip and then just act like an entitled piece of trash? We aren't even friends, guy. How you treat those who 'work for you' truly speaks, in volumes, about who you are as a person.

 

10. How A Person Treats Animals - I have tackled a man after he kicked his dog in the face. I have punched a woman for dragging a dog around by its ears. I have screamed at a couple for leaving their puppy in their hot car with less than an inch of one window cracked (I was able to pour water in the crack for the puppy). I have almost got into a van while a dude explained how he was new to the area and his puppy ran off and just needed my help (I was almost in, my friend pulled me back by my backpack). I don't care, I will always help a puppy. If you abuse animals, I will abuse you. [Not really, but seriously, don't be dicks and be nice to animals. None of us deserve them anyways.]

 

These are just the few I can think of off the top of my head. I haven't slept so I am sure I am missing a ton. But *meeps* oh well.

Yes, text speech!!! I had forgotten until you said something. That drives me bonkers.

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Text speech.... depends on what it is for me. Things like bbl/omg/lol are okay. But things like u, ur, r, etc are annoying to me. We live in a time where we have full keyboards and can send messages without a character limit so there's no need. ><

 

Anyway I thought of another! When someone tells you one thing and then posts another elsewhere. Like today I had a friend say they were busy packing and couldn't talk, and then half an hour later make a post on facebook saying how they're doing all this other stuff because they packed last night and have so much spare time. It put me off talking to them for now tbh. It's not hard to be honest!  ._.

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Oh I love this thread. 

 

I don't think I can add anything that has not already been said; but I do dislike it when people use asterisks; so they'll go *bops your nose* randomly, or *hugs*. It drives me up the wall! I know it's common when you are role playing, but if we are just having a conversation and we have just met please, please, pleaaaase, do not *hug* me. 

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I'm afraid to admit I use asterisks for actions. Do you prefer than nothing is used, and actions are obvious?

 

Oh I love this thread. 

 

I don't think I can add anything that has not already been said; but I do dislike it when people use asterisks; so they'll go *bops your nose* randomly, or *hugs*. It drives me up the wall! I know it's common when you are role playing, but if we are just having a conversation and we have just met please, please, pleaaaase, do not *hug* me. 

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Oh I love this thread. 

 

I don't think I can add anything that has not already been said; but I do dislike it when people use asterisks; so they'll go *bops your nose* randomly, or *hugs*. It drives me up the wall! I know it's common when you are role playing, but if we are just having a conversation and we have just met please, please, pleaaaase, do not *hug* me.

 

When i first start talking to someone my response is so similar. Its kinda awkward bc.. i dont know you! I also pretty much exclusively use them with sarcasm or actions that dont involve others (reactions to something dumb )

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I'm afraid to admit I use asterisks for actions. Do you prefer than nothing is used, and actions are obvious?

 

Oh, I know they are used and even I have used them; I'm not saying to not use them ever. But when you don't know the person I think they're really awkward and cringe inducing.  I've had people start a chat with me and then go "*hugs you*" and, I just really really hate it. I don't like being hugged by strangers in RL and that certainly transfers to online. 

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I can relate to that so much! I very recently had an actual friend of mine blow up at me because I had to go to a doctor in the morning and didn't have time to spend chatting with them, and they actually blew up on me, saying how I don't care about them, calling me a bitch and so on...

Though I have to admit I am guilty of doing this in the past as well, because I can be rather insecure at times, but I still don't think making accusations or causing a "scene" is appropriate. 

 

Other turn offs I could definately relate to is the text speech, and someone who just doesn't want to just put in any effort in texting. You could write them an entire paragraph of a conversation, but all they reply is a "Hahaa agreed" and it drives me NUTS.  Even more so if they pretend to try and reply back, but they don't even bother to punctuate, or spell basic words right, and all in all make themselves completely understandable. Your messages don't have to be perfect, but at least try!

 

 

 

 

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Still Me!

I absolutely hate when I’m the one who is totally carrying the conversation and the other person is almost not there. When I look back on the chat all I see are sentences and sentences which are from me and the other person is giving those ridiculous one and two word answers. And girls (Littles), you seem to be much worse about this than the guys (Daddys) are! And to make it even more ridiculous, you can’t say that maybe I’m the one who really wants the conversation and the other person is not really interested. No, this happens a lot with someone who has been whining about “nobody wants to chat and I am lonely” or “I just can’t find anyone who is good at chatting”, etc. What!?!?

 

Here’s a suggestion to anyone after you’ve been in a conversation for a while. While reviewing and looking back at the past hour of conversation, if all you see are sentences and sentences from the other person and only “giggles”, “oh”, “teehee”, “gimme” “me too”, “smiles” “wow”, etc, etc from yourself, then it’s quite obvious that you haven’t been holding your part of the discussion. And if you’re not a good typist and are not able to quickly type sentences, then simply use the silly voice-to-text feature and say something out loud.

 

“Grrrrr”!

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  • 3 years later...
On 9/7/2018 at 7:05 PM, Maids said:

 

My biggest 'talking turn offs' are when people are so self-absorbed in their own life that they won't even engage in your interests, yet you are engaging in conversation about their interests.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know the feeling! im not much of a talker though so people take advantage of that and talk incessantly about themselves, opinions and even deride others to my face and i learned quickly that some of the conversations, or even arguments, are signs of narcissism (im not diagnosing). I unfortunately have a history of attracting narcissists and its a dark part of my life, so i have a tendency to be hyper aware of the signs. Im sorry you have to deal with that. i know its not fun.

 

For me its that, and people who interrupt me or use opinions to define me. I get really triggered by that and honestly, i wish i knew how to respond or cope with that. 

other turn offs include: 

poor grooming, not brushing teeth, alcoholism, overdoing drugs (Weed is ok, meth is not) people who brag too much, littering, people neglecting, abusing or not training their pets, disrespecting boundaries, misogamy, DISGUSTING HOMES! if you live in filth and you invite me over, i will gag and walk out, fuck that. ablism, queerphobia, smoking, tobacco and those e-cigarettes,  i have more im sure. 

Edited by DaddiesLilSpooper
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I have a few things!! I try to look past it but I do see that a person’s text style gives off some of the way they are with communication!!

 

One that I have complained about is people who give short replies and offers nothing to carry on a conversation! I am socially awkward and have difficulties carrying in conversations without feeling weird about it. I am awful with social cues and I am a million times worse over text! When I get a short reply and nothing but a quick answer it makes me feel awkward and bored. It doesn’t hurt to send a long text and to chat a bit!!

 

People who immediately start calling you pet names!! I don’t mind being called some like sweetheart or something that is a bit normal. I know some people do it as a formality type of thing. However when I just start talking with someone and they start calling me baby girl, cutie, and so forth it really makes me uncomfortable!

 

I saw asterisks which I completely agree with! I am down for roleplaying but the texting is just something that makes me uncomfortable. Even on phone calls I can’t really vibe with it. I see that there is a time and place for certain things and I think if you constantly use that form then it makes the conversation odd. I don’t judge if that is what you enjoy! I person Just can’t role with it.

 

Everyone has definitely added some really good ones and I can say that this is definitely an important topic! Everyone has ways of communicating and sometimes those things just don’t click with others! I feel like some people focus so much on other things that they forget to be themselves in the process! It takes away from them and making some amazing friendships! Hopefully people can review this to better understand those around them!!

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I feel like one of the biggest turn-offs for me personally is having no drive or ambition. I don't judge any of my friends for what they choose to do with their lives, but if I am going to have a partner, I need somebody who is willing to take the bull by the horns and keep up with me in terms of pursuing whatever it is that they want to do.

 

Another turn-off for me is extreme clinginess. I love to chat with my partner daily, but one of the reasons I don't do long distance relationships is because it really stresses me out to be pressured to be constantly checking my phone or else they might get upset or think I'm ignoring them. This ties in to my unwillingness to voice chat online without having anything relevant to say- it feels forced for me, awkward, and makes me dread even talking to a person.

 

A lot of my turn offs have already been mentioned here, but the ones that resonate with me most aside from what I've already mentioned are the inability to communicate, unwillingness to take ownership of mistakes, and a big one is answering any question that I give with "I'm easy", "It's up to you", "Anything works", etc.

 

Bro. If I'm asking you where you want to eat, where you want to go, what you want to do,  when you want to do something or how we are going to do it, that means that I am asking for your opinion. It means that I want more insight into you, your thoughts, and your wants. You may genuinely have no opinion now and then and that's fine, but if you want me to make all of the decisions on everything we do then that's exactly what it's like at work and I am not going into a relationship for it to be another workplace. 

 

Oh, yeah. And don't put words into my mouth! Phrases like, "You don't want.." "You can't do..." or anything involving how I feel about a person, place, or thing unless I have already expressed it? Do not start throwing a pity party for yourself, just communicate. If you feel like I am being unfair, rude, or if I won't like or do something, just ask. I might surprise you. I don't know how many times people have been passive aggressive about things like that to me, but every single time it happens it's a negative outcome. Just don't. If we aren't getting along and I seem unbothered, it's probably because I don't have a clue that something is going wrong, and that means I need to be informed something is upsetting you. 

 

I am legitimately so high strung because I have immense levels of pressure on me all the time, I don't always see everything. Please. Just talk to me. That's all I ask.

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