I prefer LDR, over local relationships... thats because I enjoy putting in the effort to keep the relationship, I enjoy testing waters and testing myself....and over half of my relationships have been LDR. My husband and I was LDR..before dating and we been together for almost 2 years. So they can work you just have to put in effort.
Has LDR worked for any of you?
Posted 23 January 2020 - 02:03 AM
Posted 12 February 2020 - 05:11 AM
I tried LDR but it wasn't for me...
I am a touchy person and need physical contact with my daddy, also I am a much "braver / bratty" little when I am not with my daddy and we just talk online. Daddy and I try to meet up every week so I like the fact that I know there are consequences on my behavior in real life, otherwise I am just a real bratt and daddy is helping me to behave better and follow the rules.
I am just very lucky that I found my awesome daddy here in the Netherlands so I dont need to have a LDR.
bai bai yall
Posted 13 February 2020 - 09:19 PM
I don't know if a 50 mile distance is classed as LDR these days or not, but I've been with my little lady now for 10 months and we see each other (at a minimum) once every 2 weeks - and that visit tends to be for a 4 or 5 day stretch each time! Haha. More often than not she comes to visit me, and more often than not, she "persuades" me she "needs" to see me sooner than planned (I miss her too). We're basically at the point where we're practically living together half the time and the only things preventing us from doing so on a permanent basis are her University course (which is ending soon) and not enough funds (though that is gradually changing now). So, as far as I see it, it won't be long before we're sharing our lives on a more permanent basis, and I guess that means it's working out! There's talk of more than a promise ring being on her finger too.
All that said, my previous relationship was about a year and was over a much longer distance - transatlantic. The main reasons that didn't work out were her trust issues, my changing circumstances, and not enough money to see each other regularly, but crucially, a lack of equal effort. In the span of a year, we had planned to meet up several times but didn't due to anxiety, or money, or work or whatever; there was always something stopping us and it seemed we both made excuses not to. In the end, meeting up became the focal point and it soured the relationship to such an extent there wasn't really a way to continue. We both failed at that one and both could've tried harder, but in my opinion, I think a longer distance makes it easier to be more lazy with things. It gives a reason to not try so hard, and I feel if people aren't as in love as they feel they should be, they do slack off and it tends to unravel.
With my current, much happier and healthier relationship, from day one we both put in 100% effort and neither of us let the other back out of plans or find excuses and we actively encouraged each other to overcome fears and barriers. From the very beginning, we both nurtured each other and helped each other challenge our inner issues for the sake of prospective happiness. Within a month of messaging pretty much non-stop, we both were desperate to meet...
I suffer from social anxiety (among many other things) and so I was fully expecting the meet to go like my other previous meet-ups in years past where the anxiety would get the better of me and I'd either be embarrassingly late, no-show out of worry (amongst other things) or embarrass myself in-person (through physical manifestations of my worries and fears). Somehow, my will to see this girl had me there in reasonable time and before I knew it, I was in her bedroom! I did embarrass myself, but she looked after me and reassured me everything was fine when my head was telling me to run.
10 months later, I'm so grateful for the challenge and so glad she calmed me down and showed me that I was worthy of the love I'd been missing out on for so long. I'm her Daddy, her boyfriend and her equal 100% of the time and we work together each and every day, communicating as best we can to overcome challenges and issues. We never argue but always discuss calmly. We love and support each other and if one feels a little less loved than the other, we immediately reconcile that and both put the required effort in to put things right - and I think that's the key take-away from what I've said here.
Long distance relationships take time, effort, patience and trust. The most important element though, I feel, is effort. If you don't get equal measures of effort on both parts, it's a lot less likely to work out. It's absolutely not easy and we didn't get to where we are overnight. We're not perfect. We have our struggles. But the bottom line is we love each other unconditionally, consistently put effort in, have incredible patience with each other, give each other plenty of time both to be together and to be separate from each other and do our own things, and we 100% must always trust each other. If all those things are in place, there's no reason LDR can't be too dissimilar to any other relationship and no reason why it can't work.
Though all of the above is predicated on there being an intent to physically meet. For some, that may never be the intention, though I feel the same recipe applies, for success!
I'm happy to see so many success stories in this topic. We need more of that, and to those embarking on their LDR journeys, here's hoping we get more of that!
That's the way it is... That's the way it is...
Shine light into darkness... Shine light into darkness...
Posted 23 February 2020 - 04:12 PM
LDR for a year and a half now. It's been wonderful for the most part. The difficult part is obviously the periods of separation but I'm lucky that I can basically fly over any time (as long as I have the funds of course - I'm trying to push myself with work so the financial hit becomes smaller and smaller). The first year was spent mostly video/voice calling (pretty much every single day). We then met twice in the 6 months following which was just amazing. We're planning on meeting possibly another 3 times this year and then want to get married some time within the next two years.
As much as LDR is inconvenient (and expensive!), the test it gives the relationship is like no other. To go through all that an LDR entails, and come through the other side (i.e. close the distance) gives the relationship a unique strength and history that you might not experience meeting someone locally. I'm not saying your seemingly perfect partner can't be found locally, of course they can. But there's something about the trials of LDR that forces you to use even more scrutiny when deciding if this is the right person for you. After all, who would put themselves through all that for just anybody?
What I would say is, at least one partner has to be flexible in terms of being able to travel. Ideally self employed and able to work remotely, or have prolonged periods of time off work. It also helps if the partner who is being visited has their own accommodation and can perhaps help out with travel costs. The more frequently and longer you can meet, the better. That way, you're not stressing so much about syncing up what might be very limited vacation time. You can fly when its cheapest, for example.
So I don't think LDR is for everyone, due to very real practical limitations. But if you or your partner has a good deal of flexibility, there's no reason why it can't work, and it is an amazing adventure.
Edited by daddymind, 23 February 2020 - 04:14 PM.
Posted Yesterday, 02:18 AM
I've been in a LDR since August 2018. There's 1000 miles between us, and honestly, when I first met them I didn't think it would ever turn into a serious relationship because of the distance. With them it developed so naturally, we try to visit each other at least once a month, trading off each month who travels to who. We talk nearly every night and have longer dates over video calls. Sometimes it's been really difficult because it does get lonely, I do miss them a lot. With the right person, communication, and true understanding of each other it can work though.
I think especially with caregiving relationships there's an added level of difficulty. It's harder to feel the closeness and build that special bond. My partner manages to be really good at it, but it depends on an individuals needs.
They asked me to move in with them at Christmas when I was in their town to visit. So I'm moving there in April. It's really exciting and part of the reason I feel so ready for this next step is because of how strong our relationship has become over both time and distance.
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