Has LDR worked for any of you?

[Garren]

I've never dated in person before. I'm a shy and reclusive person and I have difficulties holding conversations. But online my personality really shines. I can speak my mind much more clearly and am much more outgoing. It's due to this that I've been able to connect with my previous relationships. They've all been LD, and personally, for the right person I know I can wait, but as I get older I wonder if I'm wasting my time with trying LDR anymore. Honestly, I feel more comfortable with being introduced online because I can express who I am so much better, and my partner can see my personality at its fullest. But none of them have worked out yet, and I feel I might be wasting my time. I'm told constantly that LDR never work out, but I also feel like I'll never find someone who I can really connect with by traditional dating. I don't know. Has it worked for any of you?

[Guest Aetherr]

if both parties are willing to put in the effort, which is no different to regular relationships making plans and talking about meeting irl someday also helps both of you work to something mutually beneficial

[Guest Dulci]

I think they can work out - I've heard of quite a few success stories on here. 

 

I was in a LDR for 4 yrs, the reason we broke up was not to do with the distance, there were other things at play. So! I don't think they're a bad thing, and if both parties want to make it work, then it will. Just about finding the right person ! 

[HelaBum]

I have been in a three yo LDR and we just finished it because we wasn't feeling just like before, but we are cool now. I know how you feel about meeting people online, it feels easier and you don't have the same preassure.

If I were you, I'll keep trying, and if you find someone IRL that you want to be to, you can try to chat as much as possible at first so they can see who you are.

[Cloverworked]

My fiancee and I were LDR for the first 10 years of our relationship.  The distance was never a deal-breaker for us.

 

Like everything else when it comes to relationships, there is no "One Size Fits All" solution.  There just isn't.  Anybody who tells you LDR can't ever work, or that people who can't handle it just aren't trying hard enough - they're both full of crap and trying to sell you something.  And there's no shame in it for those who can't be happy with distance.  It's just a part of how they approach relationships.

 

Some people can handle the distance easier than others, some people can't.  Just like any relationship, though, the only thing that can make it work is open, honest and regular communication.  This is true no matter what kind of relationship you have, whether it be vanilla, DD/lg, M/s, TPE, or anything else.

Edited September 15, 2018 by budding_clover

[SleepyKitten]

I also get told that my current LDR won't work out or that its not 'real love' blah blah blah, but just as Aetherr said, if both parties really want to commit to the relationship and one another then they will. And it will hopefully work out for them if they persevere a little until they can reduce the distance.

That is what I am doing at least, me and my DD are in a situation where I am home in England studying, and he has a specific dream job/course that is only in Denmark (his home). So for now I am waiting 3 years to finish my studies and to then move over to him (which my family is skeptical about I admit) because I don't want to take that dream away from him. That is my sacrifice for the distance of this relationship, leaving 'home'. His sacrifice for us is helping pay expenses to visit each other in the mean time (I do help but I don't work as full time as he does so I earn less).

But yeah, effort. We know we are going to be together so we put all of ourselves into achieving that.

I'm sure you will find someone right for you, but just because you feel more comfortable with LDR, doesn't mean you should close yourself off to IRL ones, because there might be someone you can open up to in person.

[Guest Arc]

I was in an LDR for two years and it was the most amazing relationship I've had. Sadly it ended due to reasons that weren't distance related, but I'm still

happy to say long distance can work if you make it work. It's not easy but for the right person you will do anything lol. Having regular communication, a plan to meet, and a plan to live closer one day can really help. In my LDR we saw each other every 3-4 weeks minimum, and had a set plan for when I finish university to move to him. I was obviously lucky that my boyfriend was only an hour flight away and not in another country, however lol. It wasn't ideal but we talked as much as we could every day, did small activities like watching things online together, and always had plans to see each other soon and plans to move to be together. 

 

We have this post over in our resources which I like because of how concise it is. When you're learning and considering something you don't want to read a small novel because that can be intimidating. ^^ https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12332-long-distance-relationships/

 

This post has links to a bunch of previous posts about DDLG. Have a look at what others have said in previous posts as well ^^ https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/26129-ldr/?p=134742

[prince eefy]

if you're willing to put in the effort and can deal with the distance, than most of the time ldr will work out. i am in a long distance relationship currently. it is tough because my daddy is 2 hours behind me, but we make it work. we have met twice irl and i am going to go see him for christmas. if you are willing to put in the effort and time in a long distance relationship then it can definitely work.

 

in my opinion ldrs are sometimes better than irl ones because u get to know the person for them and who they are personality wise an dont just base it off their looks. most of the time, ldrs dont work out but thats usually cause of personal reasons on the side or one or even both parties are not willing to put in the effort to be loyal and communicate well in the relationship, causing it to crumble.

[Little Illy]

My Daddy and I are a success story, I was in the states and he was in Australia and that is 9134 miles away. 15 hour time difference.

 

This is our story - https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28277-ddlgforum-success-stories/ (SFW)

 

Daddy and I were in an LDR for a collective 15 months and had 1 visit for 2 months. 

 

During the duration of our LDR either of us or both of us experienced: college graduation, moving, surgery, broken bones, new employment, death in the family, a round of holidays, abuse from someone outside our relationship, we almost broke up due to some circumstantial events, depression, insecurities, and much, much more than I care to go into. 

 

However, what we also experienced as an LDR: Communication was priority, we made time for each other, we validated the dynamic to the best we could with what we had, we found support in each other when our lives were crashing around us, after the visit to meet him, we found our best friend, our home, the person we opened up to way more than anyone else, we found a person who understood and actually loved us for our flaws, we found a reason someone we could hold onto as we plummeted into mental illness. We found we were each other's other half.

 

If it hadn't been for an LDR I would not be sitting next to Daddy right now discussing what we need to do with the new house we just moved into. If it hadn't had been for the LDR, I would not have broken completely in 2017, I would not have realized my worth as I do now, and I would never have experienced true happiness with a partner like I have with Daddy. He is my Forever Daddy. We have gone through just about every hurdle you can think of. It wasn't easy. We almost broke it off for the sake of the other a few times. But no matter how much we screamed or cried or discussed or communicated, we always became stronger after every issue.

 

LDRs fail on principal because people do not put in the effort to 1. find a compatible partner that is worth the effort of an LDR and 2. Opening your eyes to what an LDR actually takes. I wrote an entire piece on LDRs - https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/35173-ldrs-the-good-the-bad-the-ugly/ (SFW) and to this day I hate them. But, if you are willing to put in the added effort and control and commitment, then yes... I do not only just believe LDRs can be successful, I am  grateful that I live in an age (technology) that I could have one. Otherwise I never would have met the man I have now.

Edited September 16, 2018 by Little Illy

[UpstateNewYorkDaddy]

Heck to the no 

Edited September 16, 2018 by UpstateNewYorkDaddy

[Guest cutelittlealice]

I have had luck in LDRs before. I don’t think there’s much of an issue as long as both parties put in the effort & communication. They can be really difficult at times especially during periods where you just want to be in their arms or vice verse. I believe if both are willing to put the time, effort, and communication into a relationship — especially an LDR it can definitely work. As a disclaimer however, LDRs are not for everyone, they can be extremely tough sometimes, however please do not be discouraged because you’ll never know, Edited September 16, 2018 by cutelittlealice

[Guest DuckDaddy66]

I am still in a LDR and they duck.  My relationship started as LDR however we have plans to be married and together. 

 

1) Communication is important and use what ever tool you can grab 

2) Trust that they are there even though your message had not been read

3) Give the time and space to do the adult and little things in their lives on their own

4) As much as possible be there for the other

5) Do visit in person

 

See what works and what makes you comfortable. 

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

My babygirl and I started out as a ldr, in total we've been together about 2 years and 10 months, the last 14 months have been in person/living together. We found out last Saturday that we are having a baby together. Dreams can come true!

[Little Illy]

My babygirl and I started out as a ldr, in total we've been together about 2 years and 10 months, the last 14 months have been in person/living together. We found out last Saturday that we are having a baby together. Dreams can come true!

 

I am so happy for you two!!!!! It is so inspiring to see LDRs work out so well! I wish you and yours the very best with your new family!

[Guest Arc]

My babygirl and I started out as a ldr, in total we've been together about 2 years and 10 months, the last 14 months have been in person/living together. We found out last Saturday that we are having a baby together. Dreams can come true!

 

Aww. Congratulations! That's so exciting ^^ 

[SmartAssLittle]

I've never dated in person before. I'm a shy and reclusive person and I have difficulties holding conversations. But online my personality really shines. I can speak my mind much more clearly and am much more outgoing. It's due to this that I've been able to connect with my previous relationships. They've all been LD, and personally, for the right person I know I can wait, but as I get older I wonder if I'm wasting my time with trying LDR anymore. Honestly, I feel more comfortable with being introduced online because I can express who I am so much better, and my partner can see my personality at its fullest. But none of them have worked out yet, and I feel I might be wasting my time. I'm told constantly that LDR never work out, but I also feel like I'll never find someone who I can really connect with by traditional dating. I don't know. Has it worked for any of you?

Aww. Congratulations! That's so exciting ^^

 

I am total opposite.

 

I dont see the point of LDR.

 

And... 99% people i meet online, they where completely different persons in RL... just like you sad you are. And that's sucks.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

for me, ldr are completely about how you approach them, both as a couple & individually. 

 

as a polya person, i've had a lot of online, or long distance, relationships. 

i've met folks online who lived locally that, like SAL said above, were completely different once i met them for coffee.

i've had people who i connected with that lived across the country who i'd known for years before meeting in person, & it was like meeting an old friend for tea. 

 

in my current relationships, i'm dating someone who lives on the other side of the country & it's difficult. 

we see each other when we can, & we have to make time for phone calls & texts. 

we're very understanding about our lives outside of our relationship, irl so to speak, having to continue going on. 

having multiple relationships help there. 

similarly, my girlfriend & i were long distance for years, just crushin' on each other, writing letters.

she moved here this spring & we've been happily together ever since. 

 

two completely different experiences that started as ldrs.

 

my best advice to you would be to make sure that you make in person interaction happen. 

whether it's consistent visits, or a plan to live together someday. 

people are always a little different online, even if it's not a drastic change.

[Dominari]

I was in a LDR for over 3 years. We spent so much time together on Skype throughout the day, then we would do TeamViewer at night and talk. It worked out fine. We both have vivid imagination so the role play and making up sessions was always a lot of fun. Listening to her pleasure and delivering multiple O's make me feel so good. 

 

But the relationship was more than sex. I would read DD/lg erotica, compatibility articles for the Zodiac, browse Tumblr together, share pictures of our past (when younger) and talk about that.

 

I think the most difficult part was not being able to always be there for her when she needed guidance or attention. As a result we started to allow her to speak to other guys. The rule was no BDSM or she couldn't do anything related to submission. She also had to tell me about the encounters. I found that it was very arousing and we would relive the scenarios she had together, once again creating dialogue.

 

We ended up splitting because of RL getting in the way. It was pretty mutual in that aspect. We both started to get busier. Finally, the straw broke. I feel a bit lonely now. She has reached out trying to get back together. But what happened was painful, plus someone started texting me calling me horrible names and telling me to get out of her life. I don't know who that was (could have been her). I have told myself not to go back and that eventually, with patience, the right little will come into my life. 

 

Stay strong, figure out ways to send her things that will tell her you are on her mind.  

[LittleGoddess]

My husband and I did long distance from when we met online in August 2000 through May 2001 when I moved to his city and moved in with him. We're still together. Long distance was tough, we'd leave each other at the end of a trip and I'd want to hide his keys so he couldn't leave or cling to him physically so he couldn't move. The entire time, we were working towards being together in the same city. I looked for all kinds of work so I could live there. I actually moved in with him while still unemployed and that was equally hard since I knew if I didn't find work soon, I'd have to move back to a city that would hire me. But we made it through that tough time and many other tough times since. If you want a relationship to work, you will do anything to make sure it does.

Edited October 10, 2018 by LittleGoddess

[NicholasAyy]

Of course it all depends on both parties attitude and if they're truly dedicated to the LDR. The longest LDR I've had was 2-3 years but ended due to getting tired of being part of the LDR. This was obvious because we were both still teenagers and wouldn't have met each other until we were both 18 and just fell apart from this. 

 

 

But like I know, if you're dedicated to it and the other partner is as well then yes, it can work out. 

[Guest Lightofmylife]

Before I knew about DDLG, all of my relationships has been long distance. I was shy in person and didn't talk to a lot of people. I felt more comfortable dating online than in person.

Sadly, my past relationships didn't work out. It still didn't keep me from wanting to meet people online because you just don't know how you will meet the love of life.

I think it depends on the person. Some people can do long distance, while others can't.

 

I'm sure you will find the love of life online or in person, just have faith. 

[Nymph]

Like pretty much everyone else said, it depends on the person.

 

I was a bit like you, all my relationships stared online because I just couldn't click in person, the rare few I was attracted to would make me feel so shy and nervous I could never actually get to know them. The couple I got a deep connection in person I couldn't help to see them as brothers... I loved them but there was no attraction.

 

That being said I did end up wasting time online because sometimes the guy would not be honest, too many married guys or just plain lonely who are not interested in ever meeting in person even if they won't admit it to themselves. So I changed my approach and it made a world of difference! I would give them basically 3 months to meet me in person, starting to mention it after the first month of so. If by month 3 they didn't have a date not too far off then I would either dump them or start talking to someone else so I could start to convince myself to let go. It saved me a lot of heartache but also gave me plenty of time so they knew the real me and I could get comfortable around them more easily when we met.

 

Funny enough Daddy (hubby) and I were acquaintances online for 3 years before we really became friends online, our friendship lasted a few weeks until it went to flirting and by the month mark we were thinking about meeting, everything moved pretty fast from there. He didn't fit into my little schedule since I never thought he was an option but the timing ended up being about the same. We both agree if we had started flirting from day 1 neither of us would have been ready for a relationship, my biggest worry when we met in person was lack of chemistry because of my weird adopting/friend-zoning habit with guys I had a connection before, but there was fireworks at first sight.

 

So yeah, I say don't put all your eggs in one basket, if a guy is not ready it's ok to be friends but don't commit until you meet in person. I have been there and it's super awkward if there is no chemistry and you already planned your life together!!!

[PrincessShannon]

As long as you both put in the effort to make it work your relationship has a good chance. But always remember eventually someone will have to move so you can be in person.

[Funeral]

Long distance works for me, but you obviously have to end up making plans to meet. There's nothing more annoying then keeping something online and never making the plans to make more out of it all. 

The only down side to LDR is the fact that you can't be physical when you want to be. 

[SmartAssLittle]

Relation without sex is called friendship.