need some advice as a caregiver..

[aristarchus_stars]

Some background: I've currently been in a completely platonic mdlb relationship for a couple months now, with me as the caregiver role. It's my first time ever being involved in the community, and I absolutely adore my little, as he's a complete angel.

The thing is, he was in a romantic/sexual relationship with a daddy before me, and he was quite torn up about it when it broke up. I became their mommy quite soon after the relationship ended. We had been good friends for years before that, so after a discussion about caregiver/little dynamics, I decided to give it a try, for their sake. The relationship has been going smoothly for a while now, and both of us have really enjoyed any time we spend with him in little space! It's usually a relaxing, nice experience for both of us and I couldn't love it more.

 

However, today, when he went into little space, he mentioned daddy and how much he missed him, and it ended up almost breaking the scenario entirely because they got really upset. I have only just started to really enjoy being a caretaker, and I don't know when, but somewhere along the way I started doing it for my enjoyment instead of just to humour him. And that comment just... threw me for a loop, I suppose. It was as if I was inadequate compared to their daddy, which I suppose makes sense, considering I've never been romantically involved with them, but it still hurt.

 

So what I would like advice on mostly, since I'm still new to the community and rather oblivious to most things:

Is it normal for littles to compare you to past caregivers? If so, how can I improve myself to be a better caregiver for them? Or am I just a sort of platonic rebound for them after the break-up? Is it even normal or healthy for me to be doubtful of my caretaker skills because of a comment like that, or am I blowing things out of proportion?

 

I'm honestly just a bit confused and lost right now, so hopefully someone out there will be able to offer me some guidance! Thanks you for reading!

[Alaskan Daddy]

Hi

My first little said something like that to me also. It hurt, but I asked her how I can be a better caregiver and she showed me some messages her other daddy would send her. Those messages helped understand the kind of care she wanted and needed from me. It helped me grow as a daddy and I have taken that growth with other littles I have had.

My advice is to talk to your little and have him to be selfish tell you how you can be a better caregiver to him. Remember what he tells you are his feelings and his feelings matter. The one thing you can not do is be defensive. Maybe you can not give him what he needs or desires and there is nothing wrong if you can't. I would just suggest for you to be open minded, I hope this helps. 

[baby_k]

Comparing is never nice or too appropriate. However, done is done and try not to take it too personally. As Alaskan Daddy said: there might be a lot to learn, and unfortunately sometimes it is easiest to describe what someone else did to make one happy. This doesn't mean you are any worse caregiver, just that there is stuff you can learn about their likes. Just came in bit awkward package.

 

But it also could be that if the break up happened just while ago, that they really miss that other person and have their heart still bit broken. As you are not in romatic rel, I would hope this doesn't upset you as much as it otherwise would. Also, I think anyone can have longing for romatic partner every now and then, so might be cause too.

 

Main point: I don't think this is about you at all or that you would not be enough.

 

You should talk with your little and figure this out. He is the only person who can give real answer to you. You could also ask if you can help them in anyway ( breakup, possible messy feelings still? ) or how to be better caregiver for them. That is of course lot to ask but at least I as little would appreciate such thing a LOT and would see how you can overcome nasty thing in really mature way.

 

You should also consider what YOU want. If you had romantic rel, what your little said would be really upsetting, now.... what you really look for the relationship you two have? It seems that it has started to change compared to the beginning. It might be good to talk about this too with your little.

[Guest Vintage Daddy]

My guidance would be to reevaluate your role.

 

Being a real caretaker should not be based on either of the reasons you gave IMHO