should a little EVER deny talking to her Papi?

[Big Papi Cuddles]

I have a new little. She has absolutely no reason not to talk to me on video chat but she has dented me. She doesnt mind texting but she also knows I have a disability that is extremely painful when texting.

 

I am her Papi and when she denies me this, she is no longer a sub in my mind, therefore I am no longer a Papi.Am I wrong?

Edited October 27, 2018 by Big Papi Cuddles

[Guest Avi]

kinda,no.. totally depends on why she doesn't want to. Video calling can be a pretty big step. maybe start with voice notes and build it up from there.

 

Its also kind of worrisome that her reluctance to video call is so threatening to you. its like you see it as some kind of disobedience which is.. all types of wrong, buddy. I think you gotta take a step back and really think about what youre demanding. it sucks to hear abour your disability but that doesnt justify making demands. ever.

Edited October 27, 2018 by Aes

[MysticSand]

I think it depends. It can be a red flag if people don't want to talk/video chat if you've known them for awhile and there's implicit trust.

 

Have you video chatted before? Does she give you a reason for not video chatting? And is it consistent that she says 'no'?

 

I would also say, there's another connotation with video chatting then there is with text-only chat. It's a delve deeper into the relationship, and though not knowing how long or close your relationship is, it could also be a factor on why she doesn't want to video chat. Not to paint either in the wrong, but think of it from both sides and then try to break down those 'reasons' for/against video chatting.

 

Hopefully that makes sense. ><

Edited October 27, 2018 by MysticSand

[Guest Arc]

There is ALWAYS a reason when someone doesn't want to do something. Video chat is seriously intimidating and my guess would be that she's nervous or scared. Which is normal and takes time and trust to get comfortable with it. 

 

Have you actually tried talking to her about why she doesn't want to or are you making assumptions that there's "no reason?" If she's scared just go slow. When I first started skyping my old hypnotist I was terrified and he offered to just talk at me so I could hear his voice. He'd tell me about his day, his work, his life and whatever. The very first time was just listening to his voice. Then I was able to type and he could talk back. Over time I built trust and felt comfortable enough to come on voice, and then with more time I trusted him enough to go on video. Video chat is super intimidating and you need to be a bit more patient and reasonable imo. 

 

I don't think when she denies this she is no longer your sub and you're no longer her papi. What I do think is that when she denies you this she is scared and you should try to be understanding and try work with her and help her as a good papi would. You're making the assumption that she's saying no because she doesn't want to obey when chances are she's scared. 

[WhysperKit]

I have a new little. She has absolutely no reason not to talk to me on video chat but she has denied me. She doesnt mind texting but she also knows I have a disability that is extremely painful when texting.

 

I am her Papi and when she denies me this, she is no longer a sub in my mind, therefore I am no longer a Papi.Am I wrong?

 

She has absolutely no reason that you know of or you're just assuming she has no reason? 

 

Personally, I find video extremely intimidating and anxiety-ridden. I prefer texting. I'd talk to her if you don't know why she's not up for video chatting because otherwise, you're just assuming and we all know what assumptions mean.

[Orlisk]

First off, this is all out of wack. Video chatting is a huge thing, even I don't like video chatting for quite a while. There is speech to text that can help you text easier so I'd recommend using that, the fact you claim she's no longer a sub because of that is a huge warning sign. I wish the best of luck to both of you.

[SamL]

Well, it may be that my DDlg relationship beliefs are different than yours.  Also, you may have agreed with yours to incorporate DDlg without a focus on domination and submission or you could be anywhere along the continuum.  As an example, my normal expectation - even for a nominally experienced kajira (Dlkx93 might want to speak to this point) would be much higher than a nominally experienced sub.  Anyway, it's further complicated by the many discussions you two have had regarding likes/dislikes, fears/phobias, physical/psychological issues, etc., etc.  So I can't tell you anything about what you should do in your relationship but this my experience:

 

First, I would have to expand the options to:

1. She has no reason.

2. You don't know what her reason is.

3. She has a reason but SHE doesn't know what it is.

 

With most subs (save the...most accomplished of the brats, and desperate pain sluts) the answer is most often going to be number three.  Yes, you're still her Papi.  As such it's my job as her Papi to be be sensitive to her fears, hopefully growing together until I can anticipate her fears before she does and take action before she knows anything happened.  It was Lao Tzu who said, "When a great king finishes his work, the people say that it happened naturally."  

[PrincessKittenCupcake]

I'd be curious to know what kind of age gap may or may not exist between you and your Little. If she's under the age of 30, I would totally expect texting to be her preferred method of communication. I get freaked out when a guy wants to speak over the phone too quickly, let alone video chat. That being said, I do think she needs to be a little more respectful of your disability, and I second the idea of a one-way video chat until she gets more comfortable. 

 

Side note, I read that you were in a DDLG marriage. I wonder if that experience may be coloring your perception of things? I only mention this because my Daddy was my "person" for over a decade before becoming my caregiver. We are planning on getting married. It's a completely different dynamic. I'm wondering if you're accustomed to blind or almost-blind obedience due to the depth/length/stability of your previous relationship? 

[Guest Arc]

It's already been said, but voice to text could be really helpful. Or even if she sent text and you sent voice recordings back so you didn't have to type. You should still sort out the bigger problems and work on those but there are also some ways around the texting problems. ^^

[Big Papi Cuddles]

We have video chatted several times already. Her denial to me is more of a submissive insult. I would never deny my little her need to have her Papi when she needs me.

[Big Papi Cuddles]

kinda,no.. totally depends on why she doesn't want to. Video calling can be a pretty big step. maybe start with voice notes and build it up from there.

 

Its also kind of worrisome that her reluctance to video call is so threatening to you. its like you see it as some kind of disobedience which is.. all types of wrong, buddy. I think you gotta take a step back and really think about what youre demanding. it sucks to hear abour your disability but that doesnt justify making demands. ever.

[Big Papi Cuddles]

There is a 28 year agegap. But she does adult shows on snapchat so video chatting she does for a living. That's why I find it so insulting.

[Guest Aetherr]

There is a 28 year agegap. But she does adult shows on snapchat so video chatting she does for a living. That's why I find it so insulting.

 

 

believe it or not but there is a big difference between adult shows where you put on a mask and make money or whatever, and opening yourself up and being real and vulnerable with someone you care about..

 

you should talk to her and tell her the struggles you have but also be ready to accept she may not be ready to help you break that wall, it sounds to me if all you want is ease of communication voice chatting would be more than enough

 

also there are chat programs out there that allow you to send voice messages there are alot of ways around your physical limitations

 

honestly just talk to her if she doesent want to video call all the time you need to either accept that or find a way to ease her into it without putting pressure on or come to a compromise

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

First of all I have no idea why anyone would have an online "relationship" I find that shit weird. Secondly, are people that detatched from the real world that they have to hide behind text, forums, and personas that aren't even close to reality?

 

So why the hell would you get invested in anything like that in the first place?

 

I get anxiety and nervousness but you're never going to get over it unless you try and put yourself out there. Yes, you will fail, it will suck, but now you are stronger.

 

So my point is the other person either needs to shit or get off the pot if that is what you're expecting. It is your responsibility to accept it or move on.

[baby_k]

We have video chatted several times already. Her denial to me is more of a submissive insult. I would never deny my little her need to have her Papi when she needs me.

 

There are several things that could be reasons for this:

 

 * she tries to insult you, but WHY she wants to do that? WHAT has happened that she suddenly feels doing that?

 * she has some anxiety or other issue, but WHAT issue is that? WHAT has happened that she suddenly feels anxious or so?

 * she is not interested spending time with you anymore as she has grown tired with your rel

 

You need to talk with her and figure out what is going on. None of us can do that.

Even if you are correct with the insult, she will have reason for it, you just need to figure it out. Maybe you have insulted her or she feels lack of attention or whatever but people don't really act random just because of it.

[Angel24]

Maybe she's afraid of being her personal/intimate self on video chat because she thinks she might do something to turn you away, or that you might not like her as much for whatever reason (I say this because I'm like this - it's only a possibility/suggestion) the thing is that you need to talk to her about it...communication is necessary in any relationship but even more so in a D/s relationship. There must be something happening to her that's making her nervous about videochatting and I would bet anything that knowing that you feel like she's insulting you as a sub would not help the situation at all, that it would upset her more. Obviously I don't know her, I don't know if she has any mental health issues, but if she truly cares about you she wouldn't be avoiding videochat for no reason at all. You need to be open and honest with her and in return she should show you the same honesty and tell you her reasons.

[LittleBunnyCici]

See, I've been trying to not open my big mouth as usual since I don't really have all the details on your situation.  But this:

 

But she does adult shows on snapchat so video chatting she does for a living. That's why I find it so insulting.

 

Is a huge red flag.  This is super weird and uncomfortable to me.  If she's a sex worker, she still doesn't owe you her body.  Not even looking at her body if she isn't comfortable.  Period.  Full stop.  No DDlg dynamics override that.

 

[WhysperKit]

See, I've been trying to not open my big mouth as usual since I don't really have all the details on your situation.  But this:

 

 

Is a huge red flag.  This is super weird and uncomfortable to me.  If she's a sex worker, she still doesn't owe you her body.  Not even looking at her body if she isn't comfortable.  Period.  Full stop.  No DDlg dynamics override that.

 

 

This.

[Guest Aetherr]

See, I've been trying to not open my big mouth as usual since I don't really have all the details on your situation.  But this:

 

 

Is a huge red flag.  This is super weird and uncomfortable to me.  If she's a sex worker, she still doesn't owe you her body.  Not even looking at her body if she isn't comfortable.  Period.  Full stop.  No DDlg dynamics override that.

 

 

 

i dont think that is even remotely close to what he was trying to say.. almost to the point where i have to wonder if we are reading the same post.. at what point did he think he was entitled to see her naked whenever he wanted?? because what i read was "she does adult shows but cant video call with me which seems insulting" like i said, i am confused as to how you could take away that he is demanding to see her naked??

 

going into a video call with a person you are in a LDR with is a perfectly reasonable request and he is in the right to feel insulted that she can do that for strangers but not him but he also need to understand like i said above there is a difference between putting a show on for money and being real and vulnerable with someone you care about..... can we please not make this some male entitlement thing?? yeah?? ok.. cool!

[SamL]

 there is a difference between putting a show on for money and being real and vulnerable with someone you care about..... 

 

Absolutely.  100%.

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

See, I've been trying to not open my big mouth as usual since I don't really have all the details on your situation.  But this:

 

 

 

Is a huge red flag.  This is super weird and uncomfortable to me.  If she's a sex worker, she still doesn't owe you her body.  Not even looking at her body if she isn't comfortable.  Period.  Full stop.  No DDlg dynamics override that.

 

Now here is a prime example of everything wrong with the campus liberal mindset today. "I'm a whore but don't look at me in a sexual way."

[Knoxdom]

Now here is a prime example of everything wrong with the campus liberal mindset today. "I'm a whore but don't look at me in a sexual way."

Whoa whoa whoa, where the hell are you getting *that* out of this?

Nobody is trying to police your internal thoughts, and sex worker does not mean "whore".

The statement there is not "I want to get naked for money but don't you dare notice my butt without paying" it's closer to "No, just because I do this for money does not mean you get it for free"

To put it in another context, some painters only paint for money, some people like painting for free just to brighten someone's day. Some painters do a mix. You are not, however, entitled to demand a free painting, or even just a sketch, just because of how an artist chooses to present and regulate who receives their work.

 

And to get back on topic, it very strongly depends on the root cause. It is conceivable that it's a poorly executed brat tactic intended to be a bit frustrating but not this problematic, but personally I find it more likely she has a reason but she either doesn't know it entirely herself or there is a reason she feels she cannot or should not tell you why she doesn't want to video chat. A paid sex show is different from a personal, free time call. Part of my job, for example, is performing up to 6 stage falls a shift. I'm good at them, they don't hurt and they're not all that inconvenient to do, but that does not mean I want to take falls all the time for my friends or even a significant other. I'd say the best thing you can do would be ensure lines of communication are open, and make sure that she knows she can speak freely in situations like that. If she's worried you'll get mad or try to punish her for her honest feelings then you have a serious communication issue that needs to be worked on.

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

Sort of glanced over all of this and am going to weigh in, 

It seems to me that there is very little point in being in a relationship such as this if you can't speak to or see each other face to face. A lack of that means that the relationship loses a lot. 

True, she does not owe you her body or to see her (or however one wants to phrase this). On the flip side however, you don't owe her your time. 

At the end of the day, if she can do shows for strangers then she can speak to you. If she won't, find someone else. You're worth more man. 

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

Sort of glanced over all of this and am going to weigh in, 

It seems to me that there is very little point in being in a relationship such as this if you can't speak to or see each other face to face. A lack of that means that the relationship loses a lot. 

True, she does not owe you her body or to see her (or however one wants to phrase this). On the flip side however, you don't owe her your time. 

At the end of the day, if she can do shows for strangers then she can speak to you. If she won't, find someone else. You're worth more man.

 

Too bad I can only like this once!

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

Too bad I can only like this once!

Haha cheers bud!

Lobster lives do indeed matter