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Practical tips for communication?


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Many threads here include some sort of issue with communication, so a lot of time responses are along the lines of "you need to talk to him/her", "just communicate with him/her", "you need to express your needs to him/her".


Communication is probably the number one issue in relationships, thing people try to learn in couples counselling. But what would be actually good ways to communicate? And how to communicate well even in heated or strained relationship/situation? How to avoid arguing or things getting out of control? And how not to miscommunicate?



I take these from other post ( https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/36948-i-cant-decide-if-im-sexually-attracted-to-my-little-or-not/ NSFW ):


My own post:

"One thing you could try ( if you both are willing to co-operate! ) is that you talk in turns. First person A talks, then person B repeats with their own words what the other one said. This helps to really listen and understand the other persons point of view AND the person who was talking will feel heard ( hopefully ). After that obviously person B talks and A listens and then repeats what they heard."




Chamomile Tea:

"I used to do something I'd call the SHOP talk. Safe Honest Open Place

It is one of the few things I got that was ok out of my previous relationship...
Either way, SHOP was a designated time where my ex and I would dump. Any and all feelings/thoughts/concerns could be spoken about without starting a fight. It was a discussion and interruptions were not done as a rule. Then we would go
"Okay, I understand your view" or "I do not understand x, y, z" and then we would speak about how we felt via brain barf. If it is hard to explain, just word vomit."



Would you have any other tips or ideas? Things you have learned over the years?

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Guest Aetherr
set aside atleast an hour a week maybe more just to talk about how things are, never get angry or upset if you get upset or annoyed by what your partner said, tell them and work it out instead of shouting/crying.
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If there is an issue you seem to be telling your partner again and again but nothing ever changes:


Go through things with paper: write what is the issue ( in your opinion, then ask if he agrees it to be a problem ) and what it causes. Ask from him what you should do now.



If you seem to be let down often by your partner:


Write together with your partner "rules" for each other that include what you expect from each other and also limits. Try to get into the main issues first as huge list of things is hard to remember and take into action. Little by little learn this new dynamic you wish to have and keep you both happy.



( These were stolen and modified from https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/37046-why-do-they-lie/ NSFW )

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