Anxiety after first DDLG experience?

[flamingo320]

I'm a female submissive and am actually not very familiar with the ddlg community. I came here as I'm kinda desperate at the moment and I hope this is the right place to find some advice.

I met this guy online and we got along great, he is very sweet. Yesterday we had our first date together. He told me beforehand, that he liked being called daddy, but I didn't think that was necessarily linked to him being into ddlg. After our date it felt like we knew each other for years, so we had sex and while we were at it he was very protective, calling me his little girl and really made me feel safe. I have never had this experience before and I was very surprised how much I liked it. I let go completely, which is pretty unusual for me. The whole thing was so intense and intimate. We fell asleep and the next day he left after a short period of time, which kinda threw me off course. He wasn't trying to get away from me, just busy, but I had opened up to him so intimately and it felt like that was way too fast. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Thats when my anxiety came back.

I have had a horrible past battling depression and anxiety and it's actually been a year since I started to grow very independent, happy and carefree. I knew how to take care of myself and I loved it. I had gained control over my life. But after sleeping with that guy, I feel like I destroyed it all. It was like all my abandonment issues and my fears of not getting through life by my own had suddenly came back to me. It's the most horrible feeling I have ever experienced. I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. 

 

I like him and I can see myself doing that again with him, but I don't know if I should. Maybe it's just not for me? I was into the whole thing, but I don't wanna depend on someone like that. Is anxiety a common thing in this community? If yes, how do you cope with it? What is your experience? Please be nice, as I have no clue about all of this. Thanks a lot.
 

[Guest Aetherr]

anxiety is fairly common, my first ddlg experience left me feeling raw also, that is typical it sounds like it was much more intense than what you expected which is not out of the norm for ddlg

but you need to be smart, does this guy sound like he would be something that you can count on or is he just a bit of fun, if he is a bit of fun you may need to manage your emotions a bit better if you can, if not i would suggest telling him why and avoiding a situation like that until you can cope if he likes you he may want to support you which is good but also recognise that if you need space and he does care he would/should respect that but you need to know what you want and i wouldn't rush that, if he is more serious i would outright tell him how you feel and ask him to help you if that is what you want to do the raw emotions do get more manageable over time but it never really goes away so you do indeed need to work on coping mechanisms or pick your partner wisely so they do not use it to their own ends

[Guest Prat]

A Daddy - little dynamic revolves heavily around trust. Little space is probably the most vulnerable mental state you can be in. It's not surprising that you are freaking out now after having engaged in a sexual Daddy-little play after your first date with a guy, especially with the little amount of aftercare you received after the fact.

 

I'm not sure what you're asking but..

 

Yes, anxiety is common in the community.

 

You need to figure out exactly what kind of a dynamic you want. My guess is that the anxiety you felt was because you got involved further than you thought you would or were comfortable with at that time.(consciously or subconsciously).

 

I don't think you should avoid further interaction with him based purely on this event, let him know how you felt and try building up some trust if that's where you want to go.

 

Coping is best done through communication with your partner, if that's not possible then.. try doing something relaxing to help you vent it out.

[Tinka]

i wanna write to you something but i dont know what to say...

 

did he ghost you (=disappear)?

 

is there a way you can find out why did he do that?

maybe he was scared that he freaked you out, maybe it was his anxiety that got stuck between you too in the morning?

send to him. dont wonder. no one will answer to it better than himself i think :/

 

yes we do suffer from anxiety.

 

btw what you experienced is my dream  

[Guest DaddyDN]

Do you still talk to him?

 

Have you had any dates after that haven't ended in sex?

 

Have you had therapy before?

 

I want to gauge how serious he is about you and if you're truly on your way to recovery from anxiety. I'm curious. I'm not judging you.

Edited November 26, 2018 by DaddyDN

[neworder]

first date = sex? calling each other little girl/daddy first date? To me, that devalues ddlg down to monopoly money, if it's that easy. perhaps the root of your anxiety is rushing into things?

[flamingo320]

First of all, thanks a lot for the support <3 I appreciate it! Especially as a kind of "stranger" on here
 

i wanna write to you something but i dont know what to say...

 

did he ghost you (=disappear)?

 

is there a way you can find out why did he do that?

maybe he was scared that he freaked you out, maybe it was his anxiety that got stuck between you too in the morning?

send to him. dont wonder. no one will answer to it better than himself i think :/

 

yes we do suffer from anxiety.

 

btw what you experienced is my dream

 

He's not ghosting me or anything, I think he would be more than willing to talk to me, but I am very hesitant, because it took me all night to calm down properly and I'm afraid my anxiety will come back if I confront him. I wanna get somewhat stable, maybe get some space and sort my thoughts out before I do that. Your answers really helped me and I feel less alone knowing what you guys think now. 

May I ask what exactly is your dream? Are you reffering to it being the first date or? Because I would have actually liked getting to know him better before that build up trust and stuff.

 

Do you still talk to him?

Have you had any dates after that haven't ended in sex?

Have you had therapy before?

I want to gauge how serious he is about you and if you're truly on your way to recovery from anxiety. I'm curious. I'm not judging you.

In fact we haven't met after that, because it happened literally yesterday. Due to my state I panicked and was looking for a solution asap. It got to a point where I actually started dissociating. I have been in therapy for a year and before that I was in a day-unit (I don't know if that's the proper word in english) for 12 weeks. It really helped me a lot but I gotta say it takes years to recover anxiety. It's baby steps really, but I think I have improved so much, I really learned self care and skills to make myself feel safe. That's why I was so shocked to experience these kind of feelings again.

I will however talk to him, about how serious he is. We are just getting to know each other and I think none of us knows how far we wanna take this.

 

 

First and foremost, sorry to hear that you had a poor experience, not only with a DDLG related situation, but a confusing dating situation.

 

Honestly, if you feel that you have a clingy, needy personality, it's best to not fight it. More so, I would specifically try to find someone whom appreciates that type of mindset, rather then someone that thinks they won't mind.

Being within the right DDLG community, you'll notice that many of the little's here more or less, have the same clingyness about them. Perhaps it would be best to find friends over a Daddy at this moment. Learn from them, ask about their own past experiences (if they are willing to share them) and how they've dealt with similar situations.

 

Having a group of people behind you to catch you is always a big plus in life.

I have been a clingy lover in the past and I was trying to get away from it, because I felt it hurt me a lot. I'm not judging anyone that's clingy tho, because I really think, that can be a beautiful thing, with the right partner, just like you said. I'm still not sure if ddlg is the right thing for me, because I feel like it would make me lose control over my life. But I'm very interested in this community, because this way of coping with your needs is very unusual to me. It's good to see another view on that. 

[flamingo320]

first date = sex? calling each other little girl/daddy first date? To me, that devalues ddlg down to monopoly money, if it's that easy. perhaps the root of your anxiety is rushing into things?

Sex on the first date is nothing bad I think, but the ddlg part? I thought it was really strange too. I don't get how that is something he would want on the first date. I think it's way too intimate and romantic. Maybe he was surprised also, maybe we both rushed it, kinda accidentally, since we got along way better than we thought. I think I will gather my courage and just ask him about it. 

[Tinka]

flamingo320

my dream was to experience such a loving carrying daddy in sexual experience.

 

btw i thought of some really funny but legit reason.

He left because he wanted to go to the bathroom and he was embarrassed since he doesnt know you :D  

[flamingo320]

flamingo320

my dream was to experience such a loving carrying daddy in sexual experience.

 

btw i thought of some really funny but legit reason.

He left because he wanted to go to the bathroom and he was embarrassed since he doesnt know you :D

 

Oh, is that uncommon in this context?

 

Well, I would feel sorry for him if that's the truth, because he drove 2 hours to see me hahah. But that kinda cheers me up anyways