Struggling to find the right partner in the kink community

[KinkDaddy1971]

I am a 47 year old Daddy, who has been single for 12 years. I have asked 5 women with kink tendencies out for dates, however we didn't work out. I have great friends in the vanilla world,  a pretty active social life, interesting hobbies, a professional career, and am financially stable. I can honestly say I am somewhat happy with my life. However, I do feel lonely and would love to meet a Little Girl of DD and/or ABDL girl. However, I prefer a woman with ASL (American Sign Language) skills to communicate with me. Personally, I am deaf... I miss a partner to share things with and I really miss sexual intimacy. I would also like to have a child, however I know that is probably not realistic, and I have accepted it probably won't happen. I have tried online dating including ABDLmatch.com, Alt.com, and DailyDiapers.com. Plus, I have met approximately 75 ABs/DLs/LGs/Ageplayers in person at ageplay munches, private residences, and outings in the Pacific Northwest since 2011. I am having no luck!

 

I don't know whether to persevere with online dating, with all its pitfalls, or just live my life and hope love comes along. I don't want to give up meeting someone, however 12 years is a very long time and I am starting to lose hope. Will I be single forever? I don't think so. I am starting to find the right partner in the vanilla world, which might be easier than the kink community.

 

 

 

 

[baby_k]

I think when we have specific requirements ( like "be into ddlg.... in the way I am!" ), it obviously makes our dating pool smaller.

 

If you are having no luck at all, maybe consider what are the actual "musts" for you, things you don't want to live without. What are things that maybe can be growing in the rel?

Like I consider that maybe someone vanilla might fit me if they just would have interest to try dominating me in bed as that is my need for good sex life. My likes also are not too extreme, so probably some "vanilla person" could maybe pick up the absolute musts I have there. So, I could resort to "normal" dating too. It is not ideal but growing your dating pool might still help you find your perfect match. Like I wouldn't mind partner with no experience of bdsm as long as they are good fit with me otherwise. BDSM ( or whatever you are into ) is still sort of small part of life unless you want to have some really extreme 24/7 relationship. Finding someone who fits with your values, likes...having same sense of humor and vies of life. Those are the important parts in the person.

 

Like the sign language: not sure of the numbers but I would guess it is rare to know that language unless you need it yourself or your family menber does. But it is bit like learning any foreign language: if the person is right, they will do it. I'm not native English speaker and finding someone from my own country is not super likely to happen -> I have needed to get into terms that either me or my partner needs to learn the language of the other because I do want to live with them, meaning needing to change country.

 

Maybe I'm bit of a man eater but your numbers sound really small when you count the people who you have met or dated I think we need to kiss quite many frogs normally before finding the right, and meet a LOT of people before the one comes across with us. So, I would encourage you to just keep searching but also trying to keep open mind: sometimes our best fit does not come in the form we think they should come. I know it can be sometimes depressing when seem like you never find anyone but just think that when you do, it will be worth the wait

[Tinka]

just saying i had spent 7 years singe (absolutely no sex...!)

i had made up my mind, i wanted to find my One.

If not, then all the rest for me had no meaning. 

And the person i found had been single for 5 years (again no sex).

We found each other from videogames, since none of us was going out to actually meet people

Just saying, keep doing what you do and if its in your cards, it will come

[Guest Avi]

focus on the things you enjoy most. personally, i believe life has a funny way of not giving you what you want when youre actively looking for it, but when you just do you and live your best life, you are bound to attract the right person for you. its a mixture of so many things but i believe attitude, confidence and a general sense of happiness are the most attractive attributes anyone can have.

[SamL]

just saying i had spent 7 years singe (absolutely no sex...!)

 

OMG, you poor thing!  And while I mean that sincerely, you haven't been alive as Iong as I've been waiting (w/ absolutely no sex) for the right one.  Hang in there girl!

 

OP, I'm with baby_k on this, in my opinion, you've got a needs and wants list that is disproportionate to the number of actual dates you've 'sampled'.  

[Tinka]

OMG, you poor thing!  And while I mean that sincerely, you haven't been alive as Iong as I've been waiting (w/ absolutely no sex) for the right one.  Hang in there girl!

 

 

oh you dont understand, i really didn`t mind at all. 

Maybe i just dont give a fuck about it (literally ) as other people do . 

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

This thread appeared in amongst more recent threads, not sure if it was bumped or what happened. But assuming you're still looking for advice, I thought I'd chime in.

 

You basically have two options as someone with a kink or someone looking for a non-vanilla relationship. Option 1 is you go online, like you have been doing, and seek a partner within the fetish, kink, or other alternative community/lifestyle that you're attracted to. Option 2 is that you find a person locally and introduce them to your kink/fetish/etc. I've known people who have had successes and failures with both methods, and honestly I don't know you so I can't recommend one over the other.

 

The advantage of option 1 is that you know your partner shares your desires, at least to a certain extent, so you have more compatibility in that area. However, it greatly narrows your dating pool and reduces your potential partners. Option 2 gives you a much broader range of people to meet and date, but you have the anxiety of how and when to tell them about your kink and the worry that they may react badly to it. My best friend is actually a little, and she had a string of online daddies who didn't work out for various reasons, so she chose to find a partner outside of the scene and introduce him to it. They've been together a long time now, and he's a happy participant who loves her and gives her what she needs from a dom/caregiver. You shouldn't see the idea of finding a partner outside of CG/L as somehow "giving up", because all you've done is change direction. There is still scope to have the kind of relationship you want even if it means finding a partner outside of the community. I don't want to say the stereotypical "if they love you they'll participate in all your kinks", because frankly that isn't true of everyone and you have to accept that people have hard limits. You mentioned AB/DL and it's true that for some people outside that community, wearing and especially using diapers is a hard limit. Whether that's a deal-breaker for you if your partner is willing to try other aspects of CG/L is something only you can answer, but if you've found it difficult to meet people within the community then meeting people from your local area or other places online might not be a terrible idea.

 

If you meet someone and you strike up a good relationship with them, discuss openly and honestly your kinks and see how they react. Don't ask them to join in during your first conversation about it, though. Explain what CG/L is, what you like about it, and let them do their own research. I definitely wouldn't suggest trying to hide it from a non-CG/L partner, as keeping secrets really can doom relationships. You might find that they have desires of their own, and you may be able to come to a quid pro quo kind of arrangement. Final point I'd say is that the AB/DL sites you mentioned, at least in my recollection tend to have significantly more male members than female members so finding someone there, especially considering you have additional requirements, does seem like kind of a long shot currently. There's no reason why you can't keep talking to CG/L people while at the same time talking to potential partners outside the community.