how to break the verbal barrier

[manicpixidream]

i have a mounting problem with my Daddy. not like i'm going to break up with Him for it, but i really need something to change. i really need Him to talk to me and scold me while being punished. like last night He put me in the corner for 5 minutes because i was being a brat, but didn't say ANYTHING about exactly why it was happening. was it the poking or the open defiance. what EXACTLY am i being punished for?

or even (also yesterday. yesterday was a rough day for pixi) when i get a specific punishment for a specific thing, like smoking or not taking my pills or whatever, i already know why i'm being punished, but without the verbal scolding or reminder of why it's happening, the punishment is nowhere near as effective as it could be. my Daddy says He just feels hokey when He tries to talk or scold me or whatever, but i really can't learn from just being punished physically.

so how do i broach this topic with my Daddy without making Him uncomfortable or feel like He's doing a bad job while also communicating that i really need the verbal reprimand for actual behavioral change?

[vivian]

Could the reason he's feeling "hokey" be a lack of confidence?  Maybe he's a little unsure of exactly what to say?  You've communicated, before a punishment is due, what is effective for you?  (Phrases, words, being really clear that..when you say A it makes me feel

 

This might be an unpopular opinion as well, but I mean it with a lot of love: When two people mesh up both of their ideas of what the relationship dynamics work, somethings might have to be compromised more than others.  Is it something you're willing to compromise on?

 

 Please don't think I'm telling you your needs aren't important, I totally understand where you're coming from, as verbage/lectures is really effective for me as well.  

 

Good Luck

Vivie

[quothkitten]

I'm not sure if you've tried this, but what about turning to him and saying "Daddy, I don't understand. What did I do wrong exactly?" He may not lecture you but it gives him the chance to clarify what you've done and may help build his confidence if you accept the reason and take the discipline.

 

Just a suggestion.

[LB Chris]

I think this needs a Communication ticket opening between both of you. One key thing in a punishment is the behaviour you displayed to cause it needs to be understood by you and you don't appear to see how the Corner Time connects with how he sees that which undermines its effectiveness ultimately.

[Guest LaidBackDaddy]

I am wondering if he is having a hard time getting into Daddy space. The hokey comment makes me wonder.

 

I don't feel silly when I scold a baby girl. I feel strong and confident and good. I feel special because I know I care enough to give her what she wants and what she needs to be the best She that she can be. To the outside observer it may look just like a scolding/punishment, but on the inside, its a grand act of love. 

 

As far as how to talk to him... Are you 24/7? If so do you take regular timeouts to discuss how the dynamic is going? Even if you are not 24/7 I think this is a good plan for anyone. I really believe that anyone in this dynamic, to be safe and give it the best effort, needs to have a regular time where the two consenting adults stop and talk as adults and review the relationship and renegotiate things that are not working for one or the other if those pop up

 

Good luck

[Guest LaidBackDaddy]

Another question: Does he see this as a lifestyle or just role play? Is he really into being a Daddy or just doing it for you? How new is he?