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    (MDLG relationship) should i break up with my caregiver? :(

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    #1 princess_scarlett

    princess_scarlett

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    Posted 11 January 2019 - 03:50 AM

    I decided to post here for advice cos I have no idea what to do :(

     

    me and my mummy/cg/gf have been together for almost 3 years and we live together...but we've been having problems lately with our dynamic; she is very depressed/in a bad place, but so am I :( recently she struggles with being dom/mummy, and thats okay, but I feel really crap myself atm too and I want to be able to relax in littlespace and interact with positive people to feel better, but she's very negative atm ofc, so it's giving me tons of breakdowns and making my mental state worse...so I worry that we're bad for each other and that we shouldn't be together when we seem to make each other feel bad....but I've been with her for 3 years, I love her very much, we've been through a lot together AND we live together....but should I let that stop me breaking up with her if shes wrong for me and I'm wrong for her?

     

    iI'm not afraid of the idea of us taking time apart, cos I know if we're right for each other we'll get back together, so I'm okay with it, but whenever I mention the idea she has a breakdown and I know she has some suicidal thoughts so I'm really worried something bad will happen....wot should I do any thoughts? :(((

     

    she is an amazing partner, she always tries her best and wants to do so much for me, she is not a bad person, that's not what im trying to say, i just think we're two people that shouldn't be together...i like to try and stay positive and little, cos i have quite a few things wrong with me, and life is short, i like to spend it being as happy as i can! but she's quite a negative and cynical person so it ends up making me feel sad and that i can't be little anymore :( but she doesn't mean to cos she is hone3stly a lovely person to the core, i just fear we're not right for each other, or am i just too sensitve and an overthinker? :(

    I just want to relax in littlespace, and make my partner feel happy and be there for them, but recently I'm finding this very hard and I'm constantly upset abt it :(

     

    thank u to anyone that heard me out and read this long long post!!! ;_:


    Edited by princess_scarlett, 11 January 2019 - 03:52 AM.


    #2 You're adorable

    You're adorable

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    Posted 11 January 2019 - 04:19 AM

    Well,

     

    First of all. You have very sound reasoning and grasp of the situation. And you did come to some viable conclusions.

     

    Being in a relationship with two people that suffer from any kind of mental problems is very hard. In some cases, I would call that relationship self-destructive, but in your case, I see that you are a reasonable and smart person. 

     

    You should understand, as you maybe probably already do, that there is no relationship without hardships. The sad trend today is that whenever a relationship comes to a stalemate, people panic. But you are facing these hardships now, and look at what you wrote. What you wrote clearly states that you want to save this relationship. Because you still love and care about her. And that's very important. Realizing that that what you want out of the relationship with that person is still there. The core is still alive.

     

    So you should re-evaluate what you want more. Relax or save your relationship. Sometimes we have to face the situations head on, even if it's extremely uncomfortable. You should first of all, forget about your dynamic when discussing this. No mommy, no little girl. Just two adults trying to save something they have built over the course of 3 years. Being reasonable when you are depressed and angry and all those emotions is hard. Believe me I know. But ending a relationship with thoughts that it would still be there if you maybe did something more is probably worse.

     

    You have to face the problems head-on. And I know that it requires tremendous courage and determination. But that's the only thing you can do. Sit down and talk about the future of your life together. Depression or not. Dynamic or not. Just the two people that fell in love.


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    #3 princess_scarlett

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    Posted 11 January 2019 - 04:47 AM

    Well,

     

    First of all. You have very sound reasoning and grasp of the situation. And you did come to some viable conclusions.

     

    Being in a relationship with two people that suffer from any kind of mental problems is very hard. In some cases, I would call that relationship self-destructive, but in your case, I see that you are a reasonable and smart person. 

     

    You should understand, as you maybe probably already do, that there is no relationship without hardships. The sad trend today is that whenever a relationship comes to a stalemate, people panic. But you are facing these hardships now, and look at what you wrote. What you wrote clearly states that you want to save this relationship. Because you still love and care about her. And that's very important. Realizing that that what you want out of the relationship with that person is still there. The core is still alive.

     

    So you should re-evaluate what you want more. Relax or save your relationship. Sometimes we have to face the situations head on, even if it's extremely uncomfortable. You should first of all, forget about your dynamic when discussing this. No mommy, no little girl. Just two adults trying to save something they have built over the course of 3 years. Being reasonable when you are depressed and angry and all those emotions is hard. Believe me I know. But ending a relationship with thoughts that it would still be there if you maybe did something more is probably worse.

     

    You have to face the problems head-on. And I know that it requires tremendous courage and determination. But that's the only thing you can do. Sit down and talk about the future of your life together. Depression or not. Dynamic or not. Just the two people that fell in love.

    thank u so much for taking the time to write all this to me <3 that means a lot to me and u are so right!! we actually had a talk last night and she told me that she thinks this isn't working because she does't know how to say what she wants to me and how to be open to me, and then she started mentally beating herself up and saying it's all her fault for not being good enough for me, and then I felt so guilty as if it was my fault for mentioning all this and making her upset, but I suppressed my tears to comfort her and tell her it's not her fault, but I'm often the one who has to be the 'strong one' even though I'm equally upset, but when I tell her that she gets upset too and I feel guilty and it's a mess :( anyway we decided to go on a break right now to both have some time away from that bad dyanamic, but it's awk cos we still live together so it feels weird rn :(



    #4 Alaskan Daddy

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    Posted 11 January 2019 - 08:58 PM

     First of all I want to tell you I am not here to bash your partner. It sounds like your relationship has changed a lot. It seems very one-sided now. It sounds like you are walking on egg shells. Remember YOUR feelings matter as much as hers. Your needs and desires are as important as hers. In any relationship partners need to express their needs, feelings and desires without their partner becoming enraged or upset. It is up to your partner to understand your feelings and needs and desires and be honest if she get meet your needs. 

    I will not tell you what to do but you need to be selfish with your thought and decide if you can continue to live in a relationship where you don't get any fulfillment.

    There is nothing wrong to walk away if you are not getting anything out of your relationship. All you need to be is honest with your partner. It is wrong if she holds any threats of self harm if you decide you need a change.

    I hope this helps

    Good luck with your decision


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    #5 Groon

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    Posted 14 January 2019 - 08:11 PM

    Best I can say is try as you can to insert the idea to her that professional mental health help, maybe with medication, would be of great help for her and you as it could soothe your worry for her. The break sound like a good idea and still living together can be a struggle during this but the benefit for her if she gets help could be what she needs to find her way back to who she is. Also, you have to take care of you during this time. Look for ways to do that, how I do not know of any resources you could take advantage of like a coping group. Sorry your going through a tough time and I truly wish you and your Mommy all the best. Sometimes you go through bad things and people you love turn on you, it's not your fault. People do that. When I cared for a friend who had cancer he was toxic to me when it got really bad but in did not take it personally cause pain, mental, physical or both can make people lash out. It doesn't make it right it just means we are just human and imperfect. Although I do have to say that if she refuses to get help and dives down into her depression, you should distance yourself. Not give up just more space. Good luck!





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