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    Being "too" open


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    #1 Avi

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    Posted 19 January 2019 - 07:09 AM

    Hey all! Its been a while since i posted, but recently something has kinda been bugging me.

    Whenever i meet someone i vibe with,no matter their gender, i am brutally open. Whenever i say X thing about me, it brings me to Y explenation, because otherwise X may not make sense to them. This probably sounds confusing. I essentially find myself in a loop of explaining/justifying the previous thing i said, in order to not to come off as a complete loon. This is also accompanied with the fact that i tend to go off track and blab on about Y topic. All in all, i talk a lot and love being open. Maybe too open? How would this make you feel? I dont want to hijack the conversation and make the whole thing about me so whenever i catch myself going on a tangent, i try to steer back and ask whoever im talking to more about themselves/their day etc etc.

    Sorry if this all is an incoherent mess and a tough read😅
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    #2 Avi

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    Posted 19 January 2019 - 07:26 AM

    Personally my two closest friends are the exact same so I really don’t mind it as I’m so used to it.❤❤
    But obviously I don’t know about anyone else.


    I could totally understand it when/if someone gets overwhelmed. However, i usually give people a fair warning that im the brutally open type of guy and that i will never take it personally if they preferred me to take it down a notch. As you said, to each their own. (I kinda paraphrased but i think the point still stands)

    #3 liya

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    Posted 19 January 2019 - 08:59 AM

    "I dont want to hijack the conversation and make the whole thing about me so whenever i catch myself going on a tangent, i try to steer back and ask whoever im talking to more about themselves/their day etc etc."

     

    That is wonderful to hear. About being "too" open, it's actually something that makes people very happy to experience and be apart of. Personally, I don't like talking too much about myself because of the past, and thus, when an individual comes up to me and strikes a conversation while telling me about their life -- it's relieving. To the right person, Aes, your frankness would not be considered overwhelming.


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    #4 SamL

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    Posted 19 January 2019 - 05:54 PM

    Aes: would you be willing to take this to PM as I'm about to become too open. :)

     

    Btw, you put something in your status last week.  I responded with a request for you to tell me about the situation.  You misunderstood and thought that I was simply commiserating with you.  Perhaps when I said X thing, I should have said Y thing so you didn't misunderstand....but then, I wouldn't have had this marvelous example to stand next to when I say 'I understand'.



    #5 Avi

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    Posted 19 January 2019 - 06:05 PM

    Aes: would you be willing to take this to PM as I'm about to become too open. :)
     
    Btw, you put something in your status last week.  I responded with a request for you to tell me about the situation.  You misunderstood and thought that I was simply commiserating with you.  Perhaps when I said X thing, I should have said Y thing so you didn't misunderstand....but then, I wouldn't have had this marvelous example to stand next to when I say 'I understand'.


    Aye aye no problem!

    #6 MysticSand

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    Posted 20 January 2019 - 10:44 AM

    I'm recently getting that my being too open is not a good thing. To be clear though, I mean being too open about myself which has led to exploitation. >_o

     

    In terms of being too open about things in general... yes and no. Everyone has hot button issues but it shouldn't prevent you from speaking your mind. I know that you are a mindful person, and so you shouldn't feel the need to censor your honesty. I know that silence can be deafening, but don't feel the need to fill that void because a lot of times it truly is just people taking in and digesting what you've just said - not them freaking out or being bewildered and offended that you just said X. A professor once told me it takes 14 seconds for someone to formulate a complete thought; which doesn't seem like a long time but when it comes to hanging silence, it sure can feel like it!

     

    Conversations should flow organically, no need to ask the others on a different topic unless you feel a topic switch is necessary (due it being a hot button issue or maybe it just doesn't seem to be going in the right direction).

     

    Hopefully this all makes sense and somewhat answered your question. XD


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    #7 Double Side Daddy

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    Posted 20 January 2019 - 11:13 PM

    @AES i think its important to be open, but you should keep somethings to yourself for a little while. Its nice to have a relationship where you dont know everything about someone right at the start, you have to work to find things out about each other. Its a great way you create a bond. Plus you'll seem more mysterious which is hottt (i think). but i think its good for down the line getting to know each other and practicing self control as well. If you feel being to open is a problem try and conserve yourself for a bit, if not just be yourself im sure anyone would be happy to have your company. Just my thoughts hope it helped :3


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    #8 Kos29440

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    Posted 21 January 2019 - 02:47 AM

    Hi, I'm very new to the community and this is my first time posting so forgive me if I sound dumb but..... I felt compelled to comment and say that I used to be amazed at the fact that some people lack the capacity to be "too open" but over the years I realized my opinion had changed to being amazed when I see someone not only have the capability of being "too open" but actually being strong enough to exercise this behavior. I personally find nothing more relaxing and comforting than to have a mutual understanding with whoever I'm talking to, as well as just living life like an open book. It feels to me like the more you get to know someone the deeper or stronger the bond is but the truth is that there are more people willing to take advantage of a "too honest* person than vise versa, so i applaud you and everyone who takes the chance in being "too open"! Cause every time I find myself being "too open" I either get used or put down but I try not to let what other people think or feel change me. So I say don't stop being "too open" just be careful who your open with.
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    #9 Avi

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    Posted 21 January 2019 - 10:58 AM

    @AES i think its important to be open, but you should keep somethings to yourself for a little while. Its nice to have a relationship where you dont know everything about someone right at the start, you have to work to find things out about each other. Its a great way you create a bond. Plus you'll seem more mysterious which is hottt (i think). but i think its good for down the line getting to know each other and practicing self control as well. If you feel being to open is a problem try and conserve yourself for a bit, if not just be yourself im sure anyone would be happy to have your company. Just my thoughts hope it helped :3


    I so 100% agree with mystery being hot. Could not be any more right!

    However,im glad to point out that being "too open" isnt necessarily an issue as much as a thought that just came to mind. Perhaps you could even call it an epiphany. Its kind of my (semi-lousy) attempt to put myself in the shoes of the people i come across and i can totally see the overwhelming aspect of someone that just.. well.. talks a lot luckily for me, i have a looooot of things to talk about so i wouldnt run dry any time soon hahaha

    Thank you for the comment!

    #10 Avi

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    Posted 21 January 2019 - 11:01 AM

    Hi, I'm very new to the community and this is my first time posting so forgive me if I sound dumb but..... I felt compelled to comment and say that I used to be amazed at the fact that some people lack the capacity to be "too open" but over the years I realized my opinion had changed to being amazed when I see someone not only have the capability of being "too open" but actually being strong enough to exercise this behavior. I personally find nothing more relaxing and comforting than to have a mutual understanding with whoever I'm talking to, as well as just living life like an open book. It feels to me like the more you get to know someone the deeper or stronger the bond is but the truth is that there are more people willing to take advantage of a "too honest* person than vise versa, so i applaud you and everyone who takes the chance in being "too open"! Cause every time I find myself being "too open" I either get used or put down but I try not to let what other people think or feel change me. So I say don't stop being "too open" just be careful who your open with.


    I just wanna start by saying hi! Thanks for taking time to comment and i hope you enjoy the community! :D

    Circling back to your comment, its nice to know im not the only one who can blab like their life depends on it! i do agree the openness can be used against you, but at a certain point you can kind of tell when someone attempts to do so and cutting people out becomes easier. Not a thing you wanna be good at, but life doesn't really care. :p

    Anyhoo, thank you again for the comment and i hope you enioy your stay!
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    #11 Guest_Aetherr_*

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    Posted 22 January 2019 - 12:04 AM

    I'm the kind of person who doesent mind telling people a ton of personal Info of course I draw the line ad personal details that would lead to me being approached offline but even then I have given out details like that in the past my experiance has been rather easy I have not been harassed or attacked personally online or offline due to my reclusive lifestyle I don't factor in to people's lives enough for that to be a thing what I'm trying to say is learning to state your views and have history ready is good it shows how gregarious you can be and that melts the ice really well I feel for me I wish I could be like that I feel like I am pretty articulate but I fail when it's one on one or if I'm expected to discuss things in general I can't explain why but I don't see details in things to point them out o state a point nor can I rationalise my views very well, I am not good in facebook arguements haha

    #12 Featheredfaith

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    Posted 24 January 2019 - 05:40 AM

    Hi Aes,

    I relate to this. I had a huge life lesson recently in the difference between Honesty and transparency. You might want to give a think on those concepts and see how that factors in for you. 

     

    To me, I tend to share it all as a type of moat. It's like I'd rather the person know it all NOW and run or walk away then get to like them as a friend or more then have them find out a thing later and decide NAH I'm out! So in a way my brutal honesty is a defense mechanism. Counter intuitive, but true. The second reason is because nothing I am or have been through BOTHERS me. I dont feel like it is anything to HIDE. Yeah, I've had a life if I wrote a book about it you wouldnt believe... but none of it makes me uncomfortable. 

     

    Lastly, I'd rather those around me *understand* me. Associations on surface levels based upon frivolous niceties are .... worthless to me. Friendship and I have a complicated relationship ;) So if someone can't understand me and accept me then honestly, I'd rather not waste either of our time. I'm good at keeping myself company. So to a degree it is vetting as well. 

     

    You aren't alone. It has a purpose. Keep doing you. As long as your methods serve your ends then by all means, keep being open. Only alter your ways when they cease to serve your ends ... and especially if you can't identify what those ends ARE! <<< then worry. 


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    “I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”

    #13 brattynsweet

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    Posted 02 August 2019 - 04:18 AM

    I'm only "too open" with certain people. If they respond kindly and sound genuinely interested in what I have to say, I share more. That's when I over share and then I start freaking out because I over shared. I'm just an honest person. Once I notice a person is only interested in something else, I talk less and less. Do I ghost people sometimes? Guilty. I only do that after I tell a man I don't feel comfortable sharing pictures of me. When they get persistent, I get annoyed. Sometimes I block them.

    I also feel selfish when I only talk about myself but I am nervous to ask people about themselves because I feel it's rude to pry. I have social anxiety folks. It's hard for me, and I hate small talk.

    Edited by brattynsweet, 02 August 2019 - 04:20 AM.





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