Distressed Daddy

[Melsie Welsie]

My little and I get along very well, we've had a very healthy relationship up until this point, but I have been miffed recently by the fact that she remains in contact with other people she role plays with in her various group chats. They are DDLG chats, and everyone knows she is a little, and there are some Daddy's in those chats. I mean, none of them get the real thing, but doesn't the behavior of her role playing in little space with others feel a little cheaty on her behalf? Note: (she is very sexual when in littlespace)

I dont know if I should be jealous, mad, or just ignore my falsely placed frustrations. She would never cheat on me, we are very close, but I feel like asking her about this is somehow wrong of me. We ageplay often, and we know our boundaries, but I mean, I guess I have never noticed that throughout the entire time we've been going out (many years) she has also been continuing her roleplay littlespace sessions with others.

Am I wrong to feel the way I feel?

[BabyBeans]

Try to have a thorough adult-to-adult conversation with her about where you both think the line is between cheating and not. It's perfectly fine and okay to want to make sure, and it may help you understand more, and/or help her understand what you may be and may not be okay with. Ask her about where the line is for her in that aspect, and ask yourself where you think the line is for you and make sure you both make it clear to each other what you are and are not okay with. 

 

Communication is very important, especially about worries you may have. 

[Melsie Welsie]

Everyone says this line, I know communication is very important, but she likes to differentiate our adult lives from the whole ageplay stuff. Having an adult conversation about anything littlespace related is basically taboo in our house. I mean, I hadn't known about this thats been going on for years. She gets *spanked* by her friends and *punished* for being a bad girl. And their punishments are.... lets just say, very 18+, even if it is only in fonts and chats. I dunno, it just feels really hard to bring it up.

 

Try to have a thorough adult-to-adult conversation with her about where you both think the line is between cheating and not. It's perfectly fine and okay to want to make sure, and it may help you understand more, and/or help her understand what you may be and may not be okay with. Ask her about where the line is for her in that aspect, and ask yourself where you think the line is for you and make sure you both make it clear to each other what you are and are not okay with. 

 

Communication is very important, especially about worries you may have. 

[BabyBeans]

...You still need to talk to her. This isn't just about little space stuff, it's about your relationship in general. 

 

 

Having an adult conversation about anything littlespace related is basically taboo in our house.

 

There is a difference between ageplay, little space, and being an adult who is grown up enough to talk about what needs to be talked about. Maybe I'm understanding that part wrong though. 

 

If you are unwilling to talk to her about it, then there is nothing else I can really say other than good luck with everything. 

[SamL]

I care about you - that's why I'm responding.  I also care about me.  I came here to distract myself from three days of my chronic pain taking it to a whole new level.  Anyway, on good days I spend an inordinate amount of time searching for the way that I think is least likely to hurt someone's feelings.  On days like today, your feelings are your responsibility...so if they are easily hurt, stop reading here. 

 

My little and I get along very well, 

 

It is easy to get along with someone when you aren't addressing their hurtful behavior.

 

we've had a very healthy relationship up until this point,

 

Define healthy, please.  

 

but I have been miffed recently by the fact that she remains in contact with other people she role plays with in her various group chats. They are DDLG chats, and everyone knows she is a little, and there are some Daddy's in those chats. I mean, none of them get the real thing, but doesn't the behavior of her role playing in little space with others feel a little cheaty on her behalf? Note: (she is very sexual when in littlespace)

 

Are you asking us if her having relationships (that are sexual in nature) feel a little cheaty?  Why would our opinion on the matter mean anything?  Do YOU feel that she is cheating?  Are you okay with it if you discover that it's only kinda, sorta cheating but not really?  How about if six of us say it's cheating but eleven of us say it isn't?  Who give a flying bowel movement how we feel about your girlfriends playdates with other daddy's?  How do YOU feel about it?

I dont know if I should be jealous, mad, or just ignore my falsely placed frustrations.

 

I sincerely hope that no one here tells you how you SHOULD feel - find your own feelings and own them.  And regarding your 'falsely placed frustrations'...these aren't your words, find your own.

 

She would never cheat on me,

 

No?  Then see, you don't want my opinion - because behavior such as you've described would absolutely be cheating as far as I'm concerned.

 

we are very close, but I feel like asking her about this is somehow wrong of me.

 

What are you allowed to talk to your partner about, in your opinion?

 

We ageplay often, and we know our boundaries, but I mean, I guess I have never noticed that throughout the entire time we've been going out (many years) she has also been continuing her roleplay littlespace sessions with others.

 

You have boundaries - or she does?  I've no doubt that she does; I'm less sure about you.  Can you share one?

Am I wrong to feel the way I feel?

 

Feelings are neither right nor wrong - they simply are.  How you allow those feelings to manifest can be right or wrong.  I suspect that you brought some unresolved feelings and self-limiting beliefs into this relationship, and you are being taken advantage of.

[babygirlG430]

Everyone says this line, I know communication is very important, but she likes to differentiate our adult lives from the whole ageplay stuff. Having an adult conversation about anything littlespace related is basically taboo in our house. I mean, I hadn't known about this thats been going on for years. She gets *spanked* by her friends and *punished* for being a bad girl. And their punishments are.... lets just say, very 18+, even if it is only in fonts and chats. I dunno, it just feels really hard to bring it up.

 

 

Communication is VERY important in every relationship (family, friends, romantic etc etc).

In a DDlg situations it’s even more important.

Why aren’t you able to talk about EVERYTHING any time you feel you need to? That’s confusing to me.

 

As for the situation you’re asking about, I feel you both should readdress your boundaries, maybe make new ones. It’s possible she’s not aware that she’s doing something that hurts/bothers you if you haven’t discussed it.

Edited February 9, 2019 by babygirlG430

[Misha]

My little and I get along very well, we've had a very healthy relationship up until this point, but I have been miffed recently by the fact that she remains in contact with other people she role plays with in her various group chats. They are DDLG chats, and everyone knows she is a little, and there are some Daddy's in those chats. I mean, none of them get the real thing, but doesn't the behavior of her role playing in little space with others feel a little cheaty on her behalf? Note: (she is very sexual when in littlespace)

 

I dont know if I should be jealous, mad, or just ignore my falsely placed frustrations. She would never cheat on me, we are very close, but I feel like asking her about this is somehow wrong of me. We ageplay often, and we know our boundaries, but I mean, I guess I have never noticed that throughout the entire time we've been going out (many years) she has also been continuing her roleplay littlespace sessions with others.

 

Am I wrong to feel the way I feel?

 

I definitely view that as cheating. I would be jealous, mad, and hurt on many levels. In fact, I can't really understand how someone would not view that as cheating. I would never be with someone who did this.

 

You've said she is your little, and you've been going out for many years, so I feel like it's safe to assume you are supposed to be in a committed and monogamous relationship (at least as far as you were concerned). So why does she feel the need/desire to go seek out attention from other Daddies? Why does she want them to give her sexual pleasure? She can call it roleplay all she wants but what's the difference, really? I feel pretty confident saying that she still gets many emotions and pleasures from interacting through the roleplay. Yeah, maybe it's not exactly the real thing, but the feelings of cuteness, excitement, and sexual pleasure are all still there. Cheating through text doesn't make it less of cheating.

 

I am sad that this happened to you.

 

Edit: And if by chance she didn't think anything was wrong with it, I am pretty surprised that after years she never talked to you about it. In other words... really doubt it.

 

Everyone says this line, I know communication is very important, but she likes to differentiate our adult lives from the whole ageplay stuff. Having an adult conversation about anything littlespace related is basically taboo in our house. I mean, I hadn't known about this thats been going on for years. She gets *spanked* by her friends and *punished* for being a bad girl. And their punishments are.... lets just say, very 18+, even if it is only in fonts and chats. I dunno, it just feels really hard to bring it up.

 

 

 

Terrible.

 

As far as communication goes, it's important to be able to talk about your relationship as two adults too.

 

Or maybe she doesn't want to talk about anything cause she has stuff to hide, like roleplaying with other Daddies and having them spank her and whatnot. 

Edited February 9, 2019 by Misha

[LittleTeacup]

My little and I get along very well, we've had a very healthy relationship up until this point, but I have been miffed recently by the fact that she remains in contact with other people she role plays with in her various group chats. They are DDLG chats, and everyone knows she is a little, and there are some Daddy's in those chats. I mean, none of them get the real thing, but doesn't the behavior of her role playing in little space with others feel a little cheaty on her behalf? Note: (she is very sexual when in littlespace)

 

I dont know if I should be jealous, mad, or just ignore my falsely placed frustrations. She would never cheat on me, we are very close, but I feel like asking her about this is somehow wrong of me. We ageplay often, and we know our boundaries, but I mean, I guess I have never noticed that throughout the entire time we've been going out (many years) she has also been continuing her roleplay littlespace sessions with others.

 

Am I wrong to feel the way I feel?

 

 

Of course you're not wrong to feel a certain way. Your emotions are valid - don't push them down. Is she trying to hide these roleplaying chats or did you just not pay attention to them before? She might not realize playing this way hurts you.

 

First you have to understand what your emotions are - sadness, anger, confusion, etc? Then when you are calm, you will have to ask her about it. You can say something like "hey (name), I know you've been doing these roleplays for a long time, and to tell the truth I feel upset. You probably didn't mean it like that, but I feel almost cheated on. Can we rediscuss our relationship boundaries?"

 

Of course, if she refuses to address it or change anything, you might have to reconsider your relationship with her. You shouldn't have to feel like your feelings are wrong.

 

The conversation may be hard to bring up, but it's not as hard as trying to pretend her actions don't bother you.

[Melsie Welsie]

This line really gets me. I realize that it will probably be really hard to pretend it doesn't bother me now that I know. I don't know, I guess I'll try talking to her.

 

The conversation may be hard to bring up, but it's not as hard as trying to pretend her actions don't bother you.

[Melsie Welsie]

I care about you - that's why I'm responding.  I also care about me.  I came here to distract myself from three days of my chronic pain taking it to a whole new level.  Anyway, on good days I spend an inordinate amount of time searching for the way that I think is least likely to hurt someone's feelings.  On days like today, your feelings are your responsibility...so if they are easily hurt, stop reading here. 

 

My little and I get along very well, 

 

It is easy to get along with someone when you aren't addressing their hurtful behavior.

 

we've had a very healthy relationship up until this point,

 

Define healthy, please.  

 

but I have been miffed recently by the fact that she remains in contact with other people she role plays with in her various group chats. They are DDLG chats, and everyone knows she is a little, and there are some Daddy's in those chats. I mean, none of them get the real thing, but doesn't the behavior of her role playing in little space with others feel a little cheaty on her behalf? Note: (she is very sexual when in littlespace)

 

Are you asking us if her having relationships (that are sexual in nature) feel a little cheaty?  Why would our opinion on the matter mean anything?  Do YOU feel that she is cheating?  Are you okay with it if you discover that it's only kinda, sorta cheating but not really?  How about if six of us say it's cheating but eleven of us say it isn't?  Who give a flying bowel movement how we feel about your girlfriends playdates with other daddy's?  How do YOU feel about it?

 

I dont know if I should be jealous, mad, or just ignore my falsely placed frustrations.

 

I sincerely hope that no one here tells you how you SHOULD feel - find your own feelings and own them.  And regarding your 'falsely placed frustrations'...these aren't your words, find your own.

 

She would never cheat on me,

 

No?  Then see, you don't want my opinion - because behavior such as you've described would absolutely be cheating as far as I'm concerned.

 

we are very close, but I feel like asking her about this is somehow wrong of me.

 

What are you allowed to talk to your partner about, in your opinion?

 

We ageplay often, and we know our boundaries, but I mean, I guess I have never noticed that throughout the entire time we've been going out (many years) she has also been continuing her roleplay littlespace sessions with others.

 

You have boundaries - or she does?  I've no doubt that she does; I'm less sure about you.  Can you share one?

 

Am I wrong to feel the way I feel?

 

Feelings are neither right nor wrong - they simply are.  How you allow those feelings to manifest can be right or wrong.  I suspect that you brought some unresolved feelings and self-limiting beliefs into this relationship, and you are being taken advantage of.

It is easy to get along with someone when you aren't addressing their hurtful behavior.

I could see how me not addressing what distresses me might make it seem like we dont talk about stuff but we do. We've been going out for years, and what I mean by a healthy relationship is that we are mature adults, shared apartment, shared vehicles. We go on dates that remind us of childhood and I am not the only one initiating. We are very much in love still, and we are very much happy towards one another.

 

Define healthy, please.   

 We don't have fights, we normally talk about things when they come up and we negotiate a better way to go about it. Been this way for 2 years minimum. The only stuff we never seem to talk about is sexual stuff, which includes her littlespace stuff.

 

Are you asking us if her having relationships (that are sexual in nature) feel a little cheaty?  Why would our opinion on the matter mean anything?  Do YOU feel that she is cheating?  Are you okay with it if you discover that it's only kinda, sorta cheating but not really?  How about if six of us say it's cheating but eleven of us say it isn't?  Who give a flying bowel movement how we feel about your girlfriends playdates with other daddy's?  How do YOU feel about it?

I am aware that my opinion is most important for my own personal happiness, the reason I ask is not so that the people here can tell me that, I am wondering if it is normal in your own experiences and if thats something I should keep in mind. If its a common thing, I can overlook if it makes me unhappy because her happiness means more to me than my happiness.

 

I sincerely hope that no one here tells you how you SHOULD feel - find your own feelings and own them.  And regarding your 'falsely placed frustrations'...these aren't your words, find your own.

The point of seeking other opinions on a forum is to see what other people deem appropriate who also practice as apart of the ddlg experience. I am looking for others experiences to evaluate my own, not so that they can tell me what to feel, but thanks for understanding that yes, nobody should be telling me how to feel. 

 

No?  Then see, you don't want my opinion - because behavior such as you've described would absolutely be cheating as far as I'm concerned.

This is what Im looking for. I want to know if others think this is cheating or not. The people she is talking to are online friends, not necessarily people she knows in person though. They've all been in these group chats for years, like 6-7 years. I've been together with her for 5 years.

 

What are you allowed to talk to your partner about, in your opinion?

Basically we talk about anything besides her friends and sometimes sex. She has her instagram friends from the life since before I knew her, and she talks to them alot. We basically never talk about her friends, she always sends me things they say to her, and sometimes it feels flirty but I am never bothered by it because she tells me she is just playing with them. Teasing, for 5 years. To my knowledge a lot of them have relationships as well, so I am starting to wonder if their partners are also okay with the flirting?

 

You have boundaries - or she does?  I've no doubt that she does; I'm less sure about you.  Can you share one?

I wouldn't sleep on the same bed with any girl besides her no matter what the circumstance. Not even with my sister or mother. She actually has much less boundaries. She is a very flirtatious person as is, and even an exhibitionist sometimes (sorry door dash guy lmao) but I do like that about her. What I dont like about her is when she is secretively flirtatious, which is what it seems like with all these friends of many years. I feel like if I knew about them it would make sense to me, but everytime I ask anything about them she always underplays it (even if I have secretly seen the messages and know its clearly false what shes saying)

 

Feelings are neither right nor wrong - they simply are.  How you allow those feelings to manifest can be right or wrong.  I suspect that you brought some unresolved feelings and self-limiting beliefs into this relationship, and you are being taken advantage of.

That could be accurate. I have been with her for a long time, was thinking about marriage in the near future. Maybe its better to talk about these kinds of things before I try to bind us forever.

[Guest Aetherr]

My little and I get along very well, we've had a very healthy relationship up until this point, but I have been miffed recently by the fact that she remains in contact with other people she role plays with in her various group chats. They are DDLG chats, and everyone knows she is a little, and there are some Daddy's in those chats. I mean, none of them get the real thing, but doesn't the behavior of her role playing in little space with others feel a little cheaty on her behalf? Note: (she is very sexual when in littlespace)

 

I dont know if I should be jealous, mad, or just ignore my falsely placed frustrations. She would never cheat on me, we are very close, but I feel like asking her about this is somehow wrong of me. We ageplay often, and we know our boundaries, but I mean, I guess I have never noticed that throughout the entire time we've been going out (many years) she has also been continuing her roleplay littlespace sessions with others.

 

Am I wrong to feel the way I feel?

 

 

im going to completely disregard everything said above for the sake of being able to give you my point, i am a bit of a old soul so any kind of flirting and hidden activities especially ones that i have found my partner had lied about or tried to be any less than truthful i would find hurtful and unacceptable i am a monogamous male who tries to satisfy my partner's need to the best of my ability and made it clear from the offset if i do not satisfy needs then it may be necessary to reconsider the whole relationship, i am not comfortable with a person i trust and love going elsewhere and doing things sexual or not that i am not aware of, i understand this is as i said a very old fashioned way to look at it and for anyone looking to criticize me, don't bother i do not care.. i like what i like

 

now that you know my views and where i base my opinion on i can tell you now, you need to talk to her if she has nothing to hide why would she downplay it?

 

you already know what she says and even you admit its sexual and as i said i wouldn't be ok with that under any circumstances

also communication about all things is a cornerstone of a good relationship, in my opinion for anyone to have a long lasting relationship nothing should be off limits

 

if you feel the need to talk about taboo subjects that shouldn't be ignored because if your partner doesn't like that to the point where she is ignoring issues you may have she is putting herself above you and i wouldnt be ok with that

 

i respect your desire to put her first and i myself try to live by that because i try not to love for selfish reasons but humans dont do anything out of pure altruism

i would be asking myself why i dont get the same treatment

 

in my opinion you should confront her about the role playing and tell her you know she has not been truthful you should also tell her that there are things you need to talk about regardless of if she is comfortable or not, you desserve to have your needs met

 

respect is a two way street and i have nothing but respect for you because you do everything to please her and unless i have the wrong idea entirely she does not seem to respect you and i feel like to a certain degree you know it.

Edited February 9, 2019 by Aetherr

[Guest Urthurs]

Everyone says this line, I know communication is very important, but she likes to differentiate our adult lives from the whole ageplay stuff. Having an adult conversation about anything littlespace related is basically taboo in our house. I mean, I hadn't known about this thats been going on for years. She gets *spanked* by her friends and *punished* for being a bad girl. And their punishments are.... lets just say, very 18+, even if it is only in fonts and chats. I dunno, it just feels really hard to bring it up.

 

 

Wow man... So she can do roleplay sexting all she wants and you have no say about it because it's tabbo to talk about? I'm so confused... are you even her daddy? and how does that work if you can't talk about it in your house?

 

She's walking all over you. If she feels the need to do this with other people and you are not feeling good about it, then tell her so. And if she wont stop or even listen then get out of there. Or be miserable I guess.

[Brokenbouncy]

[daddyscott87]

So i'm assuming you are in a monogamous committed relationship with each other as girlfriend/boyfriend but also with the DD/LG dynamic?

 

All of this is just my personal view as an outsider looking in so please disregard if you don't agree. Personally it sounds like the boundaries in the relationship seem to be (at least by your partner) flexible or not as defined as you would like in terms of ageplay, littlespace and adding the nsfw elements which is dangerous for you as you've now found out about this activity.

 

Again personally from my perspective as a mongamous guy i wouln't be comfortable with my partner engaging in explicit chats with other people (online or IRL) in the same way i would expect a partner wouldn't like it either so it's totally acceptable to feel how you feel.

 

If you're in a committed relationship that means you're committed to each other. If she has relationship needs which are not being met in the relationship (sometimes it could be down to high sex drive or anxiety) that she is finding are being met by having these chats with other people then that is what you need to discuss to understand and treat the cause rather than just deal with the effect (she enjoys them but you get hurt). By all means you can discuss the fact you don't like it and don't approve but from what you've said it sounds like that would just cause her to put up a wall (the we don't talk about this stuff wall) which does nobody any good. Treating the cause the underlying reason that drives her to be having sexualised chats would seem to be a good start.

 

They won't be easy conversations but it needs to be done or else eventually you will come to the realisation that if it bothers you, and you don't resolve it, it will continue to bother you until the point you can't take any more and you lash out or worse resentment of the behaviour and in time including the individual starts to grow and could end up seriously damaging or ending the relationship. This is just what happens if issues are left to fester under the surface they all erupt someday.

[Guest CharlieFPG]

I might repeat what others mention but I will do so from my own experience.

 

Having differences is unavoidable in a relationship, friction is a constant and you cannot expect not to 'fight', but it is important to do so assertively. I've avoided conflict and bottled up in past partnerships until they erupted because I was so worn out, and it is unhealthy, I understand what you are doing is pretty similar to what I did to ensure the relationship 'worked' but it was not working actually because we were not comfortable with the mechanics of our partnership.

 

If you are considering marriage it is critical that you resolve the issue and how you, both you and your partner, are going to resolve it will define if that step will have a good ending. At all times remember that both parts are responsible on making the relationship work and both are responsible that the relationship does not.

 

In the same way that I understand how you handle these issues in your relationship make me think that this is not a healthy relationship or at least it is not fully working as a healthy relationship. Because I see my avoidance and 'bottling up' reflected on this; I might be biased and wrong. But I run from confrontation because it's straining for me and I have to make an Act of Willpower to be able to resolve an issue. Little by little with therapy and help I work with that.

 

In my previous partnership, of which my daughter was born, the mother had a friend that also acted as a submissive, and while at some point she ended that D/s relationship, she continued to assist to BDSM events while I could not make any similar dynamic work with a friend (this is a rounded up version, there are a lot of other aspects in the middle) so I carried my pair of antlers until I separated. It is far worse to endure something you do not want.

 

I agree that you have to address your feelings first and the fact that this is not acceptable for you. Find a place and a moment to discuss this, alone, after eating something maybe. Address your feelings in an assertive way, mention is this making you feel, that you noticed that she is not telling the full story, and above all else tell her that you wish to find a solution and work together so her needs are met in your relationship (if you so desire, there are so many different dynamics) and you are not vulnerated in the process.

 

Also address the fact that she should have mentioned this unfulfilled needs before and put them on the table in order to have them resolved inside the partnership. So she might be at fault there, yet, you need to work in that trust and communication so both of you are comfortable talking about such things. No subject should be 'taboo' on a partnership between adults.

 

Find common ground, but do not let yourself be subjected to a condition that will make you unhappy and unfulfilled. I learned that it is better to part ways and have a friendship in which each individual has their own life and privacy, and it is harmonious; and this last part is far more important when there are children in the middle.

 

I wish you the best and I hope my words are helpful.

[squishymonster]

everyone's already stated everything I could've said very eloquently, but I have a few more pointers.

 

what I mean by a healthy relationship is that we are mature adults, shared apartment, shared vehicles. We go on dates that remind us of childhood and I am not the only one initiating. We are very much in love still, and we are very much happy towards one another.

 

I can overlook if it makes me unhappy because her happiness means more to me than my happiness.

 

 

That could be accurate. I have been with her for a long time, was thinking about marriage in the near future. Maybe its better to talk about these kinds of things before I try to bind us forever.

1.) From previous experience, I can tell you that it's really easy to be like "this is super healthy!" when things are actually toxic and someone outside of the love-bond has to break it to you. Sharing possessions doesn't make it a healthy relationship, because that doesn't showcase your interactions with each other, and conflict resolution. It just shows you're codependent. So, let's just ease into it, and say "what if it's NOT healthy? What evidence do I have for this idea, compared to if it was?" Take some time to research subtle abuse tactics. Really do some deep diving, because even if you find nothing pertaining to your current relationship, you've built a rad toolbox of things to look out for.

 

2.) Jesus christ!! This is exactly what I would've said in my past toxic relationships. I'm gonna tell you something gross, and you just have to accept it. YOU MATTER!! You can't let your boundaries be trampled over like this. If you have negative feelings about it, then it's a boundary of yours and you need to address it!! There is no rulebook on what is/isn't cheating, but you have your own emotions to guide you. Sure, you should consider her own happiness a bit, but you should never EVER live to serve someone else. Do you think everyone was just like "oh, if killing millions of people makes Hitler happy then that's fine with me, because his happiness is more important"? No!! This is why WWII was a thing. Yeah, it was nasty, but it was straightforward and a clear indication of boundaries.

 

3.) Like stated above you HAVE to openly discuss taboo topics in a marriage. There can't be one thing on the entire planet that you're not comfortable discussing if you have to (even trauma). This shouldn't be scary, because your partner shouldn't be a scary person to you. If you're committing yourself to someone, you know you can trust them with being vulnerable. It's kinda part of the deal. Cooperation, comprise (but not entirely giving in) etc.

 

Please listen to me. Just a few months ago, I had a spouse flirting with a girl over text for THREE MONTHS (out of the 10 months we dated). I gave him the benefit of the doubt until their first date. I thought I was being a controlling bitch for feeling queasy about them being "friends". Once I got my hands on his diary entries and texts with her, I unravelled. Trust your gut, and know when to leave. Duration isn't everything, especially if you're miserable in it. Quality over quantity, or whatever.

Edited February 25, 2019 by princesssquishy

[Guest CharlieFPG]

 Take some time to research subtle abuse tactics. Really do some deep diving, because even if you find nothing pertaining to your current relationship, you've built a rad toolbox of things to look out for.

 

I did search for that and, for instance I can see the following red flags you may want to consider.

 

 

1. Withholding.

 

Withholding is primarily manifested as a withholding of information and a failure to share thoughts and feelings. A person who withholds information refuses to engage with his or her partner in a healthy relationship. He or she does not share feelings or thoughts. When he or she does share anything, it is purely factual or functional information of the sort their partner could have looked up online, read on his or her Facebook wall, or figured out on their own. Examples of withholding communication that fail to engage the partner include: “The car is almost out of gas"; “The keys are on the table"; and “The show is on now.”

...

5. Blocking and diverting.

 

Blocking and diverting is a form of withholding in which the abuser decides which topics are "good" conversation topics. An abuser practicing this form of abuse may tell the victim that she is talking out of turn or is complaining too much.

 

You can find more helpful details in the articles below by Psychology Today, and you will have to decide whether this applies to your relationship. As the way you put it, it appears to be related to abuse as mentioned by princesssquishy.

 

But the most interesting thing I found is that behaviors of my own can be considered abusive and I was not fully aware of that.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/15-common-forms-verbal-abuse-in-relationships

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201704/forms-emotional-and-verbal-abuse-you-may-be-overlooking