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I just want to get this feeling of pain off my chest


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I’ve been having a tough time lately and I don’t know what to do to get this feeling off of me. My chest feels like it’s been dunked underwater and it’s hard to breathe under the pressure. I gave so much out to someone, things I never gave anyone before, and I got thrown away by that same person. My trust, torn apart and stomped on as if it were less than dirt. Wiped away as if it were dog shit stuck to the bottom of a shoe. My heart hurts every day, the same pain I’ve felt time and time again and it only seems harder to carry on each time. I feel used and betrayed, lied to. Thrown away like moldy trash. They were my everything, the brightest light in my world and I took those big leaps just for them even when I was so scared to do so. Just knowing there would be arms on the other side to catch me if I didn’t jump far enough was comforting enough to convince myself I had that courage. I know I should have tried building a bridge instead, but I never feel like I have the energy or time. I know no one needs someone there to hold hands and lead the way, yet here I am, feeling like I do. I just want to trust someone. It’s scary being alone, it really is. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I am supposed to be-- alone. 


I find myself trying to think of something to blame as to why it happened. "It must be my fault, if only I tried harder" "If only I did this, if only I did that." But sometimes things just don't work out, no matter how hard you try. 

I know no one deserves to feel down and hurt. No one deserves to suffer. I know the best way to overcome this kind of pain is to take it as a learning experience and take time to focus on myself.. It's just hard. Having someone always there with you, to suddenly no one again. Needing to walk all on your own again, even if you don't think you can see any light to guide you. I wish it were all easier. I wish heartache didn't exist sometimes. 

I feel like I'm grasping at straws trying to figure out how to lessen this pain without going back to my old, dumb habits. 

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 - This never fails to ground me when I feel like this. 


I know it is scary, and sometimes the scariest person to be with is yourself. Honestly, I know it sucks but sometimes stuff just happens. It is easier to blame someone but sometimes there isn't an explanation. People need other people, this doesn't have to be a romantic connection though, it could simply be a good friendship group. It's scary being on your own, especially when you've become used to having someone there for you. Use this time to get to know you. You won't always like what you find out, but it is something you need to find out. Have you considered keeping a journal? I use mine to keep track of my goals, I very seldom reach them, but it motivates me. I have a full A3 sheet on my wall giving me steps to just have a normal day, even just basic things like eating and brushing my hair. It seems silly but it helps. 

Try writing a 'dear me,' for when you're down. List all the things you like about yourself and are grateful for. Write as you would be it for a loved one. 

Let yourself have days where you do next to nothing, sometimes you need it. Please remember, we all have times where we feel like everything is going wrong but how you deal with it is what counts. You can get through this!  :D

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Sorry you are hurting! There are a couple things you have to try and come to terms with. One, the past is the past, you can't change it so don't beat yourself up over who's fault it was. Two, there is no magical cure to get over the pain, it just takes time. There are some things you can do to lessen the pain like writing in a journal, this helps a lot. Another thing you can do is write a letter to him expressing all your feelings and thoughts, but DON'T send it, just put it away some where. Use this time to re-connect with old friends and even make new ones, keep yourself busy whenever possible so you're not constantly thinking about it. It's also ok to have sad days where you just do nothing. The pain will lessen with time, just hang in there. One of my favorite quotes is "Only while in darkness, are you able to see the light of the stars". Hang in there, it WILL get better :)
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