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Need help being more dominant...


Tamtung
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My girlfriend and I just recently got into the whole DD/LG kink. But the thing is that I'm too sensitive and all that, so it is hard for me to be dominant and show it, especially when I get jealous. I almost lost my LG because she also wants me to be more territorial, not getting all sad or depressed when I get jealous. Again I am new to being a Daddy, and all my past relationships have been shit so I am just scared of doing too much or not enough. I just need help being more dominant  and being able to show my dominance to her. 

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i really don't know if this helps but here goes...

 

Sounds like something you were lacking in past relationship is respect.

One of the key foundations of a relationship is love but another one is respect.

Dominance and submission requires mutual respect.

You have to respect your little enough that you won't do something that will harm her, physically or mentally, you may play rough at times, some people even have physical punishments, but in the end she needs to know that she is loved.

however its a two way street, you need respect as well. Submitting to someone is a great way to show the respect and love, but sometimes it can be difficult to submit.

Do what you can to earn her respect, and if there is a place where you feel you have earned her respect and she is not giving it to you, talk about it and see what she thinks. If she disagrees, discuss why and see if there is a solution that you can both come to together. However if she agrees that you deserve more respect than you are receiving from her, don't be afraid to push for it.

Sometimes it feels good to be reminded that you need to submit.

 

Also...

my Big didn't used to be very territorial either.

But He is now because He owns me, i am His and He is mine.

i know that isn't for everyone, but sometimes a little bit of ownership can help someone to feel more territorial.

i hope this helps.

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We can be confusing.  Is she saying one thing, but really meaning something else?  I could be waaaaay off base (I am...often, so please don't be offended)

 

Is jealousy something that she really wants in the relationship? 

 

Instead of becoming sullen and , she wants a fire lit under you and you act in a tirade?  Or maybe she's asking you not to shut down and communicate with her when you're feeling jealous? 

 

Does she want everyone around her to know that she is owned/claimed? Shout it on the mountaintops? Or does she want you to hold her hand out in public?  More affection out and about?

 

Or does she want to hear it in the quiet times between just the two of you- that she is loved and adored and yours?  

 

Viv

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We can be confusing.  Is she saying one thing, but really meaning something else?  I could be waaaaay off base (I am...often, so please don't be offended)

 

Is jealousy something that she really wants in the relationship? 

 

Instead of becoming sullen and , she wants a fire lit under you and you act in a tirade?  Or maybe she's asking you not to shut down and communicate with her when you're feeling jealous? 

 

Does she want everyone around her to know that she is owned/claimed? Shout it on the mountaintops? Or does she want you to hold her hand out in public?  More affection out and about?

 

Or does she want to hear it in the quiet times between just the two of you- that she is loved and adored and yours?  

 

Viv

She says that she likes when I get jealous. She says that it's cute when I do. But she hates when i shut down, and I hate it too. She overall just wants me to stop being so sensitive to the point to where I can't say "no" or I do what she says instead of her doing what I say. I am working on that. It's just the jealousy thing that I need help with.

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i really don't know if this helps but here goes...

 

Sounds like something you were lacking in past relationship is respect.

One of the key foundations of a relationship is love but another one is respect.

Dominance and submission requires mutual respect.

You have to respect your little enough that you won't do something that will harm her, physically or mentally, you may play rough at times, some people even have physical punishments, but in the end she needs to know that she is loved.

however its a two way street, you need respect as well. Submitting to someone is a great way to show the respect and love, but sometimes it can be difficult to submit.

Do what you can to earn her respect, and if there is a place where you feel you have earned her respect and she is not giving it to you, talk about it and see what she thinks. If she disagrees, discuss why and see if there is a solution that you can both come to together. However if she agrees that you deserve more respect than you are receiving from her, don't be afraid to push for it.

Sometimes it feels good to be reminded that you need to submit.

 

Also...

my Big didn't used to be very territorial either.

But He is now because He owns me, i am His and He is mine.

i know that isn't for everyone, but sometimes a little bit of ownership can help someone to feel more territorial.

i hope this helps.

She trusts and respects me. Same as how I trust and respect her. It's just that since I'm new at this, I'm not really territorial yet. Which is what I want to be with my little.

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Finding a balance sometimes can take a while. Don't let yourself be afraid that you're "too much" or "not enough" while you're exploring with her... you're not. You're leaning. It sounds like your little has a good idea about what she wants, and all good D/s relationships come from good communication (Seriously. So. Much. Communication.), so I would maybe ask her to write out what it is she wants and needs from you as her Dominant and you all can elaborate from there. As you mature in your role, other Dom-ly attributes will follow. I wouldn't be too worried :)
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She trusts and respects me. Same as how I trust and respect her. It's just that since I'm new at this, I'm not really territorial yet. Which is what I want to be with my little.

Good. You can use that trust and respect to help with your confidence, and also to strengthen the dynamic.

You can remind yourself that she wants to submit to you, and that you are helping her by giving her someone she trusts to submit to. :)

 

From there you can take it one day at a time and see what it grows into.

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Guest ( ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ ) MrGentle

Layout some ground rules, set some limits, set a safeword or gesture if she's going to be gagged and let loose. You should be talking more than doing so the doing is exactly what you talked about.

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