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a lesson i learned today


manicpixidream
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DISCLAIMER: this is my personal perspective. your mileage may vary. if you are a caregiver and you think this might apply to your little, ask them. don't assume that it does. also do not assume that it does not. every relationship is unique. and while my writing may reflect arrogance in some aspects, please do not mistake that as me painting your relationship as deficient because you do not agree fully or at all. also, i am writing from a DD/lg + D/s relationship standpoint, so please take that into consideration. 

 

so i'm writing this kind of as a perspective that i'm not sure many caregivers get to hear or really understand sometimes. i know my Daddy is just now learning it.

i am a brat. i very much try to control it, but sometimes i get frustrated and take it out on my Daddy. i love Him very much, but sometimes He's a bit.... lax.... on punishing me. and it's frustrating. not because i don't think He loves me, but because His actions are falling flat to back that love up. i know in His mind the less He has to punish me, the better. but in my mind, if i get to walk all over Him with no consequences, why am i supposed to submit? how am i supposed to know He is in charge if He never reminds me of it? 

so tonight i pushed. HARD. all night. we took a nap and i was being a little bratty afterward. i got a few swats. nothing bad. jump ahead a few hours and i'm feeling restless. Daddy is moving to a new house and i'm supposed to help, which i'm fine with. for some reason it's been bothering me the past few days, though. i've felt dissatisfied with the fact that i need to help. why should i? if i'm not being dominated, why should i submit?

so i kept pushing. He asked me why i was being so bad. so i pulled out all the stops and mumbled "why are you LETTING me be so bad?" He then got clued in to what was going on in my head and took action. He spanked me pretty well. i was asking for mercy towards the end. 

for some reason i still wasn't satisfied. i don't know why. maybe i had lost respect. so i recovered in His arms, but went right back to my antics. i wasn't expecting retaliation. normally after one punishment, i can get away with most anything because He's not going to punish me again.

i was very wrong.

i am very sore.

but also very happy.

why? because i know He's in charge. without a doubt. i know if i push, He will push back. and that makes me feel safe. and loved. even if my crime was just snapping a hair tie at Him one too many times, i know He won't stand for it.

 

so, what exactly is the moral of this story? don't wait till you're angry to punish or correct. your little may be like me. they may be craving a DD/lg relationship because they lack personal discipline. or they may be insecure in how they relate to other people. they may want to know that you are in control all of the time, not just when it's convenient for you. 

i know that sounds scary. and i know it may seem inconvenient. but think about it this way, why wait to pull out all your big guns later, when you could take care of the issue with a 5-10 minute time out or a quick, small spanking now? and they may not believe you at first. they may think it was a one time thing, that maybe you were just slightly more reactive one nigh as opposed to another. and realistically, you will be. but if you go from sending your little to the corner after giving them a warning for talking back one night, to waiting till the 20th time the next, you are going to have a confused and insecure little. 

it may be harder at first. you may have to be more on the ball for a little while. but you need to be willing to take it seriously. i had never actually felt contrite until the last time my Daddy spanked me tonight. it was the first time i actually truly felt sorry. not because i hadn't done bad things before, but because i knew i hadn't manipulated Him into doing it. i hadn't verbally prodded. i had pushed, but i didn't spell it out, if that makes sense. 

so i'm going to sleep tonight with a very sore butt, as well as a very content heart. i know my Daddy loves me. 

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Sounds not uncommon. Some folks do kick back for the reaction, others, just mess up and when as is usually it's the case it does happen, although it hurts, strangely enough you do feel really cared for and closer to your caregiver. I do personally echo your sentiments manicpixidream.

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Hi there-

I come from a D/s background-this "pushing" is very common.

Thinking back, I pushed the most when I was feeling insecure about our roles, if he was still happy with our lifestyle. Insecurity all around really.

May I politely suggest you talking to him about how you were feeling? That way (eventually) he clues in at the beginning and reassures you before it gets too far.

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we've talked about it in the past. both of us are newer to this dynamic, so we're still feeling everything out in the roles area. i think He kind of understands better now after last night. I've told Him before about how i feel, but i think He needed to see the difference after the second time. i was definitely more... docile?... afterwards. and happier. and He definitely saw that.

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Guest buddhagirl

Exactly. Thanks for writing this. I read it to Daddy tonight and he found it really helpful. I don't find him to be too lax because I think he understands the dangers of being so, but this helped reinforce his thinking and will strengthen his resolve to stay on top of me when I push the limits. A funny example of this was when I slapped him across the face (rather playfully, but still) last week just to see what he'd do. Can you believe it? I still can't believe I did it and he sure couldn't. The resulting physical punishment is still visible on my rear and I had to write "You never, ever smack Daddy. Daddy does the smacking." 150 times.

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@buddhagirl lol. that's great that he got something out of this writing! that's really why i wrote it. i've posted stuff to Fetlife groups before and it's been much easier to communicate with Daddy because i could point at specific phrases that other people had written and be like "this is what i was trying to say!" and He could point at things and be like "is this what you meant when you said that?" or "this is what it seems like you're feeling." i find it really helpful to post and discuss experiences for that and other reasons.

and omigod. slapping your daddy? i would have loved to be a fly on the wall! when i'm super grump i do stuff like that, too. never slapped Daddy. but i do pull at His beard a little or other stuff. i've recently gotten into doing hair band guns. that gets a VERY quick reaction. hair band gun was actually what got me in trouble the second time. yet since i posted this i may have waved one around, but i've done that less and less. it's super interesting realizing that it actually worked. 

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Guest ( ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ ) MrGentle

I had a similar incident with a little who as I said at that time "lost her damn mind" and I had to put it back in her head for her. At the same time from my perspective she was right, I was being inattentive. Her punishment was severe, but also rewarding. It's always important, as I'm sure all of you know, to have a safe word or gesture. I'm not preaching, just a heads up for some of the newer folks to the dynamic of DD/lg and D/s.

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Guest buddhagirl

@MrGentle: Yes, always a safe word. Mine is "MARSHMALLOW!"  

@manicpixidream: I'll shoot a hair band at Daddy tonight and tell you how it goes! If I get in trouble, it's your fault!  :D

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  • 3 weeks later...

I felt my daddy being less dominant when we started ddlg. So I pushed back to get him to do something so he would feel dominant.

But that just made him feel like when ever he gave a command that I would be a brat which made him like ddlg less. We always have D/s as a part of ddlg but we also have it separate. And I had been ignoring that part of me. Which made daddy feel less dominant.

So we are searching for a balance.

Once we talked about this, I messed up big time. I don't know what made me act out but I blatenetly ignored a rule. And now I have to wait until the end of September before I can cum.

When I'm little I am a brat.

And when I am a slave I am purely in servitude.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Lilkittygirl
I like to push sometimes and I really want a daddy who will punish me and not just brush it off. I want him to take it seriously and for him to show me he is in charge and makes the rules. I totally understand
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