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Burnout


Wexley

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This is a topic I don't think either side speaks enough about. I am aware communication is the key to any good BDSM or DDlg relationship. One thing I've run into in the past is burnout. Not on a particular little or person, more on the ability to provide the high level of attention and care littles require. They are an emotional, caring and strong bunch but can also be fragile by nature. As such they occasionally take burnout as a personal condemnation of self when it certainly isn't. So, I am curious what other bigs and daddies have done to avoid burnout.
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First, I think it’s valuable to define burnout. When I was studying it I was made aware of these two definitions that made it easier to analyze.

 

"A state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by long term 

involvement in emotionally demanding situations." – Ayala Pines and Elliot 

Aronson.

 

"A state of fatigue or frustration brought about by devotion to a cause, way of life, 

or relationship that failed to produce the expected reward." – Herbert J. 

Freudenberger.

 

I haven't noticed this issue in any of my DDlg/BDSM relationships, although, none have really been long term. However, as a single father, I dealt with this constantly and it certainly translates to relationships. When another life depends on you, burnout is not an option.

 

The following are things I found valuable in managing burnout and growing as a person.

 

The key to managing burnout is managing yourself and being in control. Albeit, an oxymoron, you have to put yourself first before you're able to put someone else first.

 

Maintaining your mental and physical health is critical. Next, you have to manage your time and stress efficiently. There are several ways to do so and a quick Google search will reveal them.

 

Be in control of your life. Take responsibility for your actions and those around you. Don’t point blame at others, it solves nothing. I find this mentality helped me in several ways.

 

A less obvious tool is to live with intention. Have a purpose and a plan. Make your relationship goal and growth-oriented. 

 

Schedule time with your little. Write down her needs and truly understand them and develop a plan to maintain those needs. This needs to be a priority.  

 

Work on your emotional intelligence. Constantly expand this area. You can never learn enough.

 

Maintain time for yourself and make it a priority and keep it a priority.

 

Communicate. Don’t bottle up thoughts or feelings, don’t let resentments build. 

 

 

 

There are numerous other ways to manage burnout. These are what help me the most. 

Edited by Revurx
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The concept of daddy doms experiencing burnout is common in many relationships like this; it happens when the person has pushed themselves too far in trying to handle the responsibilities toward their little, but it is not the responsibility, nor the mental ability of the person to handle stress that causes burnout, but a life that is disorganized itself.

 

Your mind is a powerful tool, but it needs everything organized in proper routine, and lists; everything in the life must have a proper time and place for it: you can't lead a stressfree life when you are running aimlessly from one goal to another goal in your life; it is a mistake to think that the mind can keep focus on multiple things at the same time - when you dont use a journal to write down your goals, thoughts and promises to yourself, your mind has to use extra energies on maintaining focus on multiple things, the result will be mental exhaustion.

 

Look back at your life, and think what I am saying: if your life is already organized, and you are using a daily journal to categorise your thoughts, then ignore my advice; on the other hand, if you are lacking organization, then think about what I said, then practice using a journal for seven days, and test for yourself if your mind feels relaxed more or not.

Edited by Ethan
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I don't think just Daddies experience burnout, littles can experience it, too. I think it's important to talk about burnout because it can affect either party greatly, and often results in miscommunication or no communication at all between the two parties.
 
I think that sometimes when we experience burnout, it's easy to just say "I don't feel like being a Daddy right now", but think about how that might affect your little, without explanation (and vice-versa). Without communication, there are misunderstandings between parties that can cause a lot of hurt feelings and distress.
 
The best way to handle burnout is to first talk with your significant other. Tell them you are experiencing burnout because of [insert reason here]. After talking with your partner, find ways that can help bring you back to your regular headspace. Whether that be spending alone time, watching a movie, walking on the beach, or even taking a day off of work to get some work finished that you have been slacking on, all of these and more can help overcome burnout. 
 
I will caution you though, because one cannot just simply stop being a Daddy (or a little), that recovering from burnout is not "not being Daddy", it is taking time for yourself to collect your thoughts and rebalance your brain, so you are able to effectively care for your little in a proper manner.
 
Burnout can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Take the steps you need to recover from burnout and find things that make burnout happen less. 
 
Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

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  • 2 weeks later...

DDLG doesn't live in a vacuum. There's stress from work and life in general, plus the commitment to spend an adequate time with your little. 

For me, I'm the sys admin of an accounting system of a big 50 corporation. No pressure there. Always busy, especially the first week of the month.

Texting severely disrupts my flow at work. Add to that a slow 2+ hour commute each day, so I'm gone 7am-7pm on average.

When your little's needs of your time exceeds the limits of your spare time - can lead to burnout. 

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