Relationship breaks- Do they work?
Posted 23 February 2019 - 06:09 PM
He says he loves me and wants our forever that we have been planning for over a year now, but that he needs to work his stuff out. And of course we have no idea how long that will take.
What I want to know is has anyone else done this and been successful? What is appropriate contact, how does this work? I am scared but hopeful and I want to still be in each other's lives right now, even if not the way we usually are. Also we are LDR, four hours apart.
I love him and want to be with him and as a little it's hard to wait,but I want to give him a chance. I just don't know how to be patient for such a long time.
Thank you for reading and I hope I can find some solice here.
Posted 23 February 2019 - 07:15 PM
heres the truth i wont be overly mean but im not going to be nice if i dont need to..
if you want that forever you will wait.. simple as
ask yourself this.. if the tables were turned do you think he would wait and what i mean by this is if you two want to make it work you will make it work until the point where you both realise it doesent work
based on what you said you two could still work and here is another thought
what if you couldnt wait and he obliged that despite him knowing he cannot cope
that wont end well. its just like pulling a chicken out the oven before its ready it will damage you
but if you wait and enjoy the smell you will have a much better and more hygienic meal
if you two are it, wait keep contact with him just as you have been as friends and try not to dwell on what isnt happening rather enjoy what is happening, you two are growing as friends now so you can grow stronger as a couple later
im not about to give any advice about how to wait or anything else like that only this
wait or don't i dont think he would want you to be unhappy because he is not ready for you
Posted 23 February 2019 - 08:37 PM
Love is a social construct to explain hormonal impulses in the brain. Humans aren't meant to limit themselves to one partner, it goes against nature.
But in response to your question, not likely. You'll probably drift apart after awhile until you're awkward acquaintances with a history. When a guy uses the "I need to work some stuff out." It usually means they've found or are speaking to someone else. Best of luck though
Edited by CryptKing, 23 February 2019 - 08:39 PM.
Society wants to believe it can identify evil people, or bad or harmful people, but it's not practical.
Posted 23 February 2019 - 08:46 PM
I had this happen a few times, I was the initiator, in the last year or two. For me it was honestly that life was just exhausting me and a relationship where I take care of someone, not vise-versa, was just too much for me to worry about.
I don't know his reasoning or anything, neither does anyone else here. It's all going to be purely speculation.
But, to answer your question, based on my personal experience and those I've counseled over the many years I've been doing what I do... It doesn't work. It's one thing if this was after a few weeks after meeting and getting together, but when you've been together that long it shouldn't come to a break. It should be, "I need some space and time to focus on myself. I still want to have you in my life but I can't take care of you, I need to take care of me." Or something to that extent.
If someone can't refrain from taking a break after a year, I doubt they'll be a more consistent partner in the much longer term.
Since you're LD, it's also possible he just wants to play the field and see what he can do to have fun. He might come back to you because he realizes after it all, you were great. (or whatever)
I'd say just give him space and if he's serious about it, he will continue to make you an active part of his life.
Posted 03 March 2019 - 12:56 AM
- LilBunny77 likes this
Posted 03 March 2019 - 09:33 AM
If one person unilaterally decides to take a break and isn't willing to sit down and discuss the situation I think it is less likely to work but who knows.
Personally, I would never choose to take a break and I would be unlikely to stay with someone who asks for one. I agree with Buttercup, being in a relationship is about being a team in good times and bad ones. I'm committed to my partners and our relationship and I know they are as well. Even within a relationship there are ways to provide more space, support your partner(s) and work through issues, I personally think a break is taking an easy way out versus fixing the issue but that's for my relationship and my life. If others feel a break is what they need who am I to say they're wrong . . . Nobody, that's who.
Ultimately, people need to do what works for them after having an open, honest, mature discussion. Just my thoughts.
- LilBunny77 likes this
Posted 14 March 2019 - 05:48 PM
Posted 28 April 2019 - 02:54 PM
Posted 15 May 2019 - 09:09 AM
I'd like to be able to give you some sort of definitive answer but I can't. Everyone is different and deals with life differently. The above answers are partially right I think, but they also suggest that one entire sex thinks the way that they do to some capacity, and that just isn't the case. My answer is based only on my personal life experience and thoughts. I had a girlfriend want to take a "break", which basically meant that she wanted to try dating other guys, but still know I'd be around if she still wanted me. I stuck around for a couple months of this until my friends collectively pulled my head out of my ass for me. In my view, it's an incredibly selfish thing to do. I came to the conclusion that if she really cared and wanted to make it work, she would have actively tried and communicated whatever problems she was dealing with. It all ended up working out for the best. A few months later, I started dating a girl that I've now been married to for 10 years.
- Yuna_Marie likes this
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