Yes I know it is a Mommy issue butPunishment
Posted 14 March 2019 - 10:40 AM
Posted 14 March 2019 - 10:57 AM
okay i'm sorry in advance for this truth bomb because (as mine usually are), it isn't going to be nice.
you pretty clearly communicated, from what i can see, that this isn't an acceptable punishment for you.
there isn't a different way to tell her, because it seems like she doesn't really care.
it's time to get out of the relationship, in my opinion.
someone who doesn't respect your feelings or emotions isn't someone who deserves to be with you.
this is still a relationship, not a dictatorship.
she doesn't just get to decide what punishments she's going to use without your consent.
this is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you.
send her a text message.
the text message should say:
"since you aren't talking to me, i'm going to have to put it like this.
if this is an acceptable punishment for you after i've told you it's a hard limit for me + i am not okay with it,
then i do not want to be your partner anymore."
i'm sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear, but i really hope that the message is either the wake-up call your partner needs,
or opens the door to show you how little she values you + your consent, which will help you determine if it's time to get out.
- junebug0325, SamL, Daddys little Baby_Bear and 3 others like this
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Posted 14 March 2019 - 11:45 AM
I could not agree more strongly with what babyjellybean states above, in the 12 years or so I have been in the lifestyle I have never used communication (or lack of) as a punishment. In my mind it is not a punishment it is simply cruel especially for a little who in general thrives on communication with their mommy/daddy. That being said, the fact that you have told her your feelings on it and she is ignoring what you have told her shows a lack of respect for you and makes me question how good she is for you. I am sorry that she is doing this for you and is not acceptable at all especially since you have expressed your limits.
Posted 14 March 2019 - 01:13 PM
uhhh.. thats abuse
dont tell her anything except "this is not okay either you stop now or we are finished"
if she persists, block her and move on with your life
no contact is not a punishment is abuse, ignorance of safe words is abuse, ignorance of your partner's feelings is abuse
none of this is justified or okay
if she doesent see that then i am scared for you op
- SamL likes this
Posted 14 March 2019 - 02:05 PM
I agree with every word Aetherr said except the underlined one: "this is not okay either you stop now or we are finished"
You only get one shot at abusing me, after that - it's over.
totally, i'm a bit more forgiving but to even have it happen once well it bears ill for the future
Posted 14 March 2019 - 02:24 PM
I first want to start off by saying that I am so sorry this is happening to you, and what you are feeling right now is totally valid.
As everyone stated above, this type of behavior that she is exhibiting is completely unhealthy both in terms of a relationship and in terms of mentally effecting you.
For some, no contact can be an effective punishment, but it's not for everyone. If you specifically told her that no contact is not okay, it is now deemed unacceptable and emotional abuse. It is a Dom(me)'s main job to protect and take care of their little, and if they aren't doing so then they aren't a Dom(me).
Sometimes it's easier to look at the relationship in terms of a "vanilla" relationship (not CGL or DDLG). If you were in a "vanilla" relationship and your partner was not talking to you in hopes of punishing you, would you think it's okay? Obviously, not, so why is it okay in this type of relationship?
I would follow the advice of people who have commented above me. I would text her something along the lines of, "This punishment is very harmful to my mental health, and I explicitly told you I didn't like this type of punishment. Either you talk to me or this relationship is over now." That way you let her know that it is harmful, so if she continues to not make contact with you, you know that she really doesn't care.
Again, I am so sorry you are in this situation and I wish you the best of luck.
- Sadie Tremaine likes this
Posted 14 March 2019 - 02:35 PM
The thing that really alarms me here is that you safe worded out of a punishment and it led to a longer punishment. That's not safe and it's not healthy and probably not a situation you should continue to stay around.
- queenjellybean, Dlkx93, Aetherr and 2 others like this
Posted 15 March 2019 - 02:17 AM
Anyone who doesn't listen to a safe word is not a safe person to trust yourself with.
Safe words are there for your exact reason - things are hurting you and you need it to stop. And she didn't respect that. In my opinion that should be a massive deal breaker for any relationship. It is akin saying "I know this hurts you, but I don't care."
I think it is time to start doing what is best for you and move away from someone who does not care about your happiness or safety.
- casualprincess likes this
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