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    Daddy dom, dom/master but also a sadist?


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    #1 Shy_Babygirl

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    Posted 24 March 2019 - 02:25 AM

    Hi, I was wondering if it is normal for a man to be a daddy dom, dom or master to be A sadist as well?
    A few men I have had a long distance but online relationships with are a daddy dom and a sadist, so they can sometimes be sadistic, but I feel like I can be myself. I feel like they understand me, but maybe they want to encourage me to be self destructive and self harm as well?

    #2 Urthurs

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    Posted 24 March 2019 - 02:49 AM

    I think it's pretty common, to varying degrees.
    Well if they want you to do things you're not okay with, that's why you have safewords. If they don't listen they are abusers.

    Some people might manipulate you to do thing you are not into, but it's your own choice if you act on it or not.


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    #3 LittleSnowiii

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    Posted 24 March 2019 - 04:05 AM

    Is quite normal.

    You might be a switch?


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    #4 crazycatdaddy

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    Posted 24 March 2019 - 05:00 AM

    There's a difference between being "a sadist" in the BDSM sense and encouraging genuinely destructive behaviour like self-harm. As someone who has been through self-harm myself, I found that it is very addictive and even years after finally managing to quit I still find myself tempted and it can be hard to resist. In my opinion, someone who encourages that is beyond the pale, because it goes a long way beyond anything kinky or even hardcore BDSM. Someone pushing you into a destructive behaviour, whether it be self-harm or something else like drug abuse, isn't a good dominant and they definitely aren't any kind of caregiver. Even if it seems like they understand, if they're encouraging you to keep going that's just flat out wrong. Anyone who genuinely understood the reality of self-harm would be doing everything they can to help you stop, regardless of their own impulses or sexual kinks. I agree with the first comment, there are safewords for a reason and if someone is pushing you beyond what you want to do, or pushing you into doing something you know is wrong, they are not acting in your best interest and I would get as far away from them as possible.

     

    It is possible to overcome self-harm, but like beating any addiction it is hard, it takes a lot of effort, and it doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes the first steps are the hardest, such as cutting out of your life the person or people who are pushing you to hurt yourself. For me, that meant ditching a girl who, looking back, used my self-harm for her own voyeurism while claiming to be someone who understood. She would ask to see my scars, ask to see me cut either in person or on webcam, and every time I tried to break the habit she was there pushing me back into it. My recovery started when I got her out of my life.


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    #5 Aetherr

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    Posted 24 March 2019 - 05:38 AM

    as a dom/daddy/master/sadist myself i would never ever condone self harm or destructive habit in my sub and i would never encourage my sub to do anything that would push their limits if that has happened to you i am sorry but it is not okay atleast in my opinion a sadist is someone who deerives pleasure from pain/discomfort/humiliation and a abusive person would want to tear you down and cause you long term mental and physical harm without your consent... and there is a difference

     

     

    a sadist has consent

     

    a abusive partner doesent have consent


    Edited by Aetherr, 24 March 2019 - 05:39 AM.

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    #6 queenjellybean

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    Posted 25 March 2019 - 07:05 AM

    encouraging your partner to self-harm or be destructive isn't "sadistic" in the BDSM sense of the word -- it's abusive.

     

    period. end of discussion.


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    #7 Shy_Babygirl

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    Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:32 PM

    Okay, thank you for your replies, I think maybe some of the online relationships I have had are/were toxic/abusive and sometimes seemed one sided. They seemed caring, sweet sometimes but also narcissistic and passive aggressive as well.
    If they really loved me/cared about me or wanted to be in my life then they wouldn't have charmed me, used and abused me, then completely abandoned me for no reason and without explanation.




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