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Is DDLG a service?


JJBee

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I’m very confused. Why would a daddy say that it is a service and that they need a sexual reward for doing what a daddy does? I don’t like it when it’s used in that way.
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DDlg is a lifestyle. It can involve sexual acts but it does not require it. A lot of people see it as just a kink but it's really not. 

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Guest flowinghairdd

I think you are right, although looking at your past posts if it's the same dude, there are underlying problems. In some sense maybe I could see a playful "Hey I did this for you, how about you give me a reward", but I think if you are uncomfortable you know they are being disingenuous. I would personally recommend littlespace or bdsmcommunity on reddit. There are also great resources on here. I think you should read some examples of healthy dd/lg relationships, and you will be able to tell. This guy is either a terrible communicator and has a service kink he didn't communicate, which is him being a bad dom/ but unintentionally bad, or hes just kinda shitty.  

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Guest flowinghairdd

DDlg is a lifestyle. It can involve sexual acts but it does not require it. A lot of people see it as just a kink but it's really not. 

It's definitely a kink for a lot of people. This is a relationship issue, where someone is not respecting someone else. In this case he is not respecting her. It doesn't have to be a kink. It can be a lifestyle, but it doesn't have to be.

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It's definitely a kink for a lot of people. This is a relationship issue, where someone is not respecting someone else. In this case he is not respecting her. It doesn't have to be a kink. It can be a lifestyle, but it doesn't have to be.

 

I was trying to say that but im not great with words

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Guest Naturalselectionissexy

If it a service then it is customary to pay for services. If it is a realationship than it similar to services, it is your obligation to negotiate ahead of time to come to terms of service.

 

If I married someone and all of a sudden sex was off the table that would be a breach of contract and termination would be more than acceptable.

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Guest crazycatdaddy

Every relationship is different. People behave differently to one another even within a small community like CG/L. Rather than saying that this daddy isn't doing it right, all we can say is that if you don't like his approach to the relationship, then he isn't the right one for you. There are plenty of other caregivers who don't see it as a quid pro quo "service" where they'd expect and demand favours, sexual or otherwise, in exchange for being your daddy. I'd suggest you politely tell this individual that you don't think you're a good fit together and keep looking.

 

Just like in non-DD/LG relationships, some people are here in the community for purely sexual reasons; to have hookups or brief flings. If you're looking for a different kind of relationship that's absolutely okay, and really the only thing you can do at this point is to say "no thank you" and move on. Remember that you never, under any circumstances ever, have to provide anyone with sexual favours. In fact I'd go even further - if you've just met someone, especially over the internet, sending nude photos or doing things of that nature can be risky. Be cautious what you share with people, and if someone makes demands you consider unreasonable, you have no obligation to even continue to talk to them. Simply end the conversation. Block them if necessary or if that makes you feel safer.

 

There will be someone out there who sees DD/LG in a similar way to you and with whom you will be significantly more compatible. Don't give up, don't settle for someone wrong, and keep going! You'll get there in the end.  :)

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Guest QueenJellybean

personally speaking, unless it's a previously agreed upon arrangement that you're going to be paying with sex for your caregiving services,


then it's pretty presumptuous for your supposed caregiver to claim that this "service" needs to be paid in sexual rewards. 


 


everything is about consent and communication, folks. 


:heart: 


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Why would a daddy say that it is a service and that they need a sexual reward for doing what a daddy does? I don’t like it when it’s used in that way.

what others have said, so...

 

Either:

 * him trying to be playful or flirty ( and failing pretty badly in this case )

 * him really thinking that he can buy sexual stuff with caregiving ( I would call this prostitution and buying sex )

 * him having a kink where he gets sexually stuff from the exchange of services or something like that ( something he would need to disguss prehand with you )

 * him totally misunderstanding what ddlg is about and thinking that exchange is the norm even everybody are different

 

I can PLAY that something is an exchange, or that a daddy has right to sexual stuff just because "daddy" ( this is a kink and something we would have talked and agreed before taking it into action ). But that is only a game and if I really don't want it, it won't happen for it would be called rape otherwise.

 

If you don't like it, you know enough: it needs to end.

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Why would a daddy say that it is a service and that they need a sexual reward for doing what a daddy does? I don’t like it when it’s used in that way.

because he's a dick.

 

but more precisely it seems that DDLG doesn't provide him with any kind of gratification and thinks it's normal or acceptable to see relationships as being purely quid pro quo

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This is repulsive and unfortunately lately almost a theme...there is an agreed upon role yes...this can involve sexual stuff but should not be handled as a transaction...it should not be given in any way but consensual...not for services...only performing “daddy” duties (caring and guiding a little) for sex is just plain nasty...sorry you have experienced this... Edited by BigDaddy72
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If it was a service, it should be paid for with money, not sexual favors. You never owe somebody sexual favors.

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Guest LittleSnowiii

I’m very confused. Why would a daddy say that it is a service and that they need a sexual reward for doing what a daddy does? I don’t like it when it’s used in that way.

Doesn't have to be a service. You should talk with your daddy about this, be straight forward. If it's something that makes you unconfortable, don't do it.

A DDLG can be much more than just sex. Is supposed to have love, respect, care. You don't have to pay with your body if you feel these values are being neglected.

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It is possible for things to be done as a service. I am a rope top for my Sir as a service to him. I am learning bootblacking because I enjoy being of service to my pack and community. However, I do not barter for things in return for this service. I do it for my Sir because I like giving him my time and effort. Yes, he does treat me well, and he may reward me with a "good boy" and a thank you, but I do not require certain things. With bootblacking, sure there is a notion of common decency and tipping the bootblack and maybe thanking for the work, but the only time something concrete is given in response is when all parties have negotiated and agreed to something. If maybe your partner isn't all that interested in being a daddy, but still wants to be there for you, maybe that could be seen as ddlg being a service, but he cannot demand things of you without any discussion or negotiation.

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