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New Daddy, with an improving short temper.


Dadiandabrati

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I was first introduced to ddlg by my current little aboit 5 months ago Nothing to extreme, just a few conversations and some reading of this forum and it seemed as my little was enjoying our relationship very much.

 

However lately she has been incredibly bratty and chews/bites the absolute hell out of everything she can and cannot (including me). She tends to respond best to soft encouragement but if that fails its usually best to go to harsh punishments.

 

The worst part is that now she isn't responding to either, and if she does its completely negative or opposite of wjat she has been told. I am typically a calm person who tries to remain collected, but i have a short fuse when it comes to disregard. I have gotten better about snapping at her because it makes her incredibly sad. And once she is sad she wont listen.

 

Its a vicious cycle and my patience is starting to be spread very thin at any given time with this situation. Does anyone have recommendations on how to first stop the rampant chewing and biting. As well as the blatant disregard from my little on everything that i say

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You need to figure out what the actual issue is: why she bites or does whatever she does? What she hopes that will happen?

 

Personally brattyness for me is either humor with my daddy or one of my ways to express that things are not well.

The first type of brattiness means both should be laughing in the end.

The second type of brattiness means I need attention and in really rare cases even to have talk of some isue that bothers me. Rare case because communicating any bigger issue in rel should be done in other way than bratting, pouting or misbehaving but with me that can happen if I have tried to talk but feel that I/the issue was ignored.

 

Only person knowing what is going on, what you should do or what is expected from you is your little. Talk to her and ask what is wrong and what her goal is with misbehaving. As nobody does anything unless in some way they feel it would make them happier.

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So...she actually bites u? Considering it's not something u consent to, that would be abuse. This lifestyle is all about consent and she shouldn't be doing anything to u that u have not agreed to. U should set her down, adult to adult (while she is not in littlespace) and tell her that chewing/biting is ur hard limit. If she can not accept or respect ur hard limit, it means that she does not care about ur well being and does not take ur dynamic seriously, in which case I would strongly suggest moving on if things go this route. As for disregarding everything u say, that may be a topic to discuss as well while she is not in littlespace. She may need a reality check that this dynamic is a 2 way street, where both ppl should be getting what they need out of it. If she can not communicate with u, and hold up her end of the dynamic, then again, I would suggest leaving. If all a person is going to do is take and take, physically harm u, and disrespect u, that tends to lead to unhappiness, and who needs that? Her being a brat does not give her a free pass to disrespect u, disregard u, or treat u like trash. Keep that in mind if nothing else. She may be a little, but she is an adult first and foremost.
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I have consented and do consent to biting and scratching in general, however we have previously discussed that whenever it becomes to much or too painful I will make it aware. Recently the exclamation or announcement of my threshold being surpassed has just been ignored, sometimes to the point of having to pry my little off of my arm.

 

Typically the chewing on things seems to stem from boredom, however my little always want to chew or rip on things that are either easy to damage, or are able to hurt her. I.e. she chewed and ripped a hole in our shared blanket we sleep under, and whenever i finish a bottle of anything with a metal cap there is no time between me putting it down and the cap being in her mouth with sharp protruding edges. Bottlecaps and those of the like are not uncommon for her to want to chew on but then she threatens to swallow them, and refuses to spit them out. As previously stated she wont listen. She giggles and laughs as if she is being cute and rebellious. However it often comes to the point of disregard as stated and i become very annoyed.

 

We had an adult conversation about the chewing today, at least about what it stems from, however i didn't obtain any useful information. I feel like getting her a pacifier or some chewables may help with the destructive behavior associated. But i haven't gotten anywhere with my little not listening to me.

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If your little isn't listening and you had an adult conversation but it didnt go anywhere your options are limited. Either you suck it up and deal, not something I recommend, you try again and make it very clear that it is an adult issue that needs to be taken seriously or you come to recognize the behavior for what it really is . . . Disrespectful.

 

It is one thing when littles push boundaries but it is something else entirely when you have an adult conversation with your partner and they willfully ignore your feelings and boundaries.

 

A lot of littles try to fall back on the "I'm just a little so it's ok" attitude but personally I find that attitude VERY disrespectful to a partner. At the end of the day a DDlg relationship is still a relationship between two consenting adults. When a behaviour starts to upset either partner, like what you've described, then in my view, both partners need to reset to the adult dynamic and discuss things.

 

Neither partner should ever be ignoring the other in my mind. It's bad communication and so very very disrespectful. Ultimately though you need to decide how much you're going to put up with things. You tried to discuss it and if your little wont listen or change then you need to decide how long you put up with someone ignoring your limits.

 

Little kaiya

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Thank you to everyone who has replied with input and suggestions, i am going to have another adult conversation about the topic as our relationship outside of little space is great. I will be sure to be back with results.

 

Thank you!

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I would keep on talking of the issue as you seem to be doing. "Having a talk" is not some magic pill that changes all when you have one, unfortunately.

 

People have issues knowing what they want, what they feel, what is their motivation. And when you add on top of needing to be able to communicate all that. Well, it can be hard.

 

Not to be rude but you are quite young, so I assume your little is pretty young too which can mean high risk/possibility that she has not yet learned too well to know herself or how to communicate in reltionship. All that comes with time and effort and experiences. In practise this means that getting needed info from her may be quite the task but if you keep trying and learning how to communicate with her, what sort of questions to ask, how to encourage her to think for herself and so on, you will get there. And in same time you improve your own social skills and understanding on how people work ( and maybe even how you work yourself ).

 

Of course there is a point when person has to sort of give up if nothing changes. Sometimes people just get stuck and need big lesson in order to really look at their own behaviour and then to improve themselves. Meaning: if she keeps going over your boundaries ( think about ignoring safe word in sex, wouldn't be cool at all ), you don't have to take it and after some time you really even shouldn't take it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I work with people with disabilities. Now I’m not saying your little has a disability I am just speaking to my experience. I have some participants who can’t express there feelings and so they do it by biting objects,people, etc

 

Here are some reason that the people bite. One is sensory meaning it feels good or natural to the mouth. Obviously they have learned to chew on chew toys(human chew toys. Yes it’s a thing). The other is because they are happy, and one more is because of anger.

 

I do believe you should find the root problem and have another talk. But maybe having a chew toy may replace her from chewing on something dangerous. I’m not saying the chew toy is a end all be all cure cause it’s not.

Hope this helps!

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  • 1 month later...
Guest PapaBeard

i agree with the person before me it could be but i do need to ask have you discuss punishments and do you use them? For some ppl punishment is needed as a part of their mindset. Brats needed it more then most to call them back to center. You will need to have a talk with them and which ones are ok and in from her that you will be using them      

 

As a caregiver with a short temper as well ,never punish your little mad you will never forgive yourself and can cause more hurt in your relationship

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Guest DollyGirly

Has she ever had counseling as an adult? It sounds like she might need additional help in learning to deal with what is causing her to act out in such a way (anger, boredom, whatever). She needs to remember that she is an ADULT first and foremost (she is not really a little girl, she is not an animal, she is an adult who is ultimately responsible for her behavior) and it is NOT OKAY to EVER go past any established limits and continue to do so when she is made aware via safe word or whatever.

Edited by DollyGirly
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