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3 years relationship - down the drain


Guest Voidart
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Guest Voidart

It has now been roughly 3 weeks since the breakup. 
One of many questions that held the most importance was - Why?
 

We spoke a couple of times, and she basically said she didn't love me anymore. Love does not just disappear, and somewhere between the lines i'm figuring out that she might be in a really bad headspace.
But i'm not one to force the other to stay with me, but at the same time I wish to chase and work for what you love. 

Nevertheless, i am slowly but surely moving on.. I'm thinking that if there was a problem 3 years in, i'd rather have it happen now rather than in another 4 or 5 years. 



What confused me the most was the fact that there were no signs of stagnation in our relationship, it happened over a day. 
Everything turned upside down. 
I told her i'd always be there if she needed me, and i wouldn't leave - ever. 

My chest is hurting and I feel like I am putting up a facade to cover the pain. 
I guess this is my experience so far. 

I recently picked up eating again and i'm off to work too now.
Memories still creep up to haunt me throughout my days and I really feel the need to vent about this once and for all. 

I want to believe that I deserve to be happy too. But sometimes, i really don't know. And I know how silly this sounds, but when others actively try to keep you down, it's just hard to turn that thinking around. 
In fact, I might tell myself that I do not deserve to be happy so that I won't get hurt again. Admittedly a bad idea - but it still happens. 

What i'm going to do: Start going to the gym, becomes more socially active and work my way up with work. Probably going to find a new job. 
How I feel about this - - ugh, i'm very numb to my feelings at the moment. 

To anyone who took the time reading this, thanks. 
I know i'm not alone in this, and what i'm dealing with isn't anything all to unique.. i'm aware that others have a much tougher time in this world so i'll probably just end here by showing my apreciation for taking part in a strangers post about an experience that hurt a sensitive soul. 

Thank you.

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Guest Aetherr

no you are certainly not unique, i have a few stories to tell myself but in recent times its been maybe a month and 2 weeks since i got out of a 8 month relationship which i thought would last much longer but for me personally i was they one that waked away but still i often regret doing that  but to ensure i would stay strong the last thing i said to her was something along the lines of i deserve better and you dont treat me very good so i am going to move on for my sake

 

and i dont like giving in to weakness or going back on my word so what i said was as much a challenge to myself to see if i can be strong as much as it is me ending a relationship i was very fond of for a long time!

 

stay strong and try to view it as a learning experiance

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I am really sorry, I do know what you are going through. Its hard to deal with. Especially the geelings that go along with it. All of my relationships have been 3 years and up, and Ive been dumped for other girls, ghosted, etc. It made me feel like maybe I didnt deserve to be loved and made me feel like maybe it was meant to be that i was alone. It took a long time for me to realize that things get better and easier as the days go by. The best advice i have to give is to keep your mind busy and maybe find new hobbies you could get into. Luckily I have my horse which acts like a form of therapy :)
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Not sure if this helps but I have been on the otherside of this kind of story. I was with a person who was really proper, understood me like no one else ever had, we shared pretty much all life views and dreams.... But something was off. I remember asking can I leave a person, a relationship which had nothing wrong in it. It was difficult time.

 

Now when I look that rel, I can see that even we shared a lot, there still were some combability issues and I doubt we could have really been happy with each other. There was so much good in that rel and I felt for long that I can never meet anyone who fits so well with me, I would never feel as understood as I did with him. But I was wrong. I have had amazing relationships in my life, some short, some really long. Still each one of those is special, I have felt special in those rels and never had longing back to the previous rel as the new one always felt like a dream.

 

What I want to tell you is that even it hurts now, the future will be better even there will always be ups and downs. Asking why your rel ended is natural and even good as you can learn from it. Just that often it takes bit time and distance to the actual ending before you can see it clearly, or see how it was actually maybe good it ended.

 

Try to focus on yourself, your life and enjoying it. Find your own path and voice. Normally time after break up is the time of selfdiscovery as break ups make you think about your life, what you want, what sort of person you are and so forward. I think you are doing excatly the right thing with focusing on things you can do and enjoy now. Rebuild your life day by day. Some day are easier, some harder but it helps to keep yourself somewhat busy and focused on different kind of goals.

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Me and my ex have been broken up for 6 months now. I'm still kinda getting over it, while he is already in a relationship.

 

The situation was very different, though.

But I do know that it is tough. I mean him and I lost our virginity together and that's what hits me really hard. My virginity meant a lot to me.

 

What I'm saying is, it is really hard, but it truly isn't the end of the world. It may feel like it right now, but each day it hurts a little less. The relationship may have scarred you, but you will heal.

 

Some relationships are a lesson that you have to learn from.

 

I'm so sorry that you experienced such pain.

I pray and hope that every day you continue to struggle less and less.

 

It sounds like you are mostly on a positive track.

 

I wish you luck and all of the best.

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Guest LittleSnowiii

It has now been roughly 3 weeks since the breakup. 

One of many questions that held the most importance was - Why?

 

We spoke a couple of times, and she basically said she didn't love me anymore. Love does not just disappear, and somewhere between the lines i'm figuring out that she might be in a really bad headspace.

But i'm not one to force the other to stay with me, but at the same time I wish to chase and work for what you love. 

 

Nevertheless, i am slowly but surely moving on.. I'm thinking that if there was a problem 3 years in, i'd rather have it happen now rather than in another 4 or 5 years. 

 

 

 

What confused me the most was the fact that there were no signs of stagnation in our relationship, it happened over a day. 

Everything turned upside down. 

I told her i'd always be there if she needed me, and i wouldn't leave - ever. 

 

My chest is hurting and I feel like I am putting up a facade to cover the pain. 

I guess this is my experience so far. 

 

I recently picked up eating again and i'm off to work too now.

Memories still creep up to haunt me throughout my days and I really feel the need to vent about this once and for all. 

 

I want to believe that I deserve to be happy too. But sometimes, i really don't know. And I know how silly this sounds, but when others actively try to keep you down, it's just hard to turn that thinking around. 

In fact, I might tell myself that I do not deserve to be happy so that I won't get hurt again. Admittedly a bad idea - but it still happens. 

 

What i'm going to do: Start going to the gym, becomes more socially active and work my way up with work. Probably going to find a new job. 

How I feel about this - - ugh, i'm very numb to my feelings at the moment. 

 

To anyone who took the time reading this, thanks. 

I know i'm not alone in this, and what i'm dealing with isn't anything all to unique.. i'm aware that others have a much tougher time in this world so i'll probably just end here by showing my apreciation for taking part in a strangers post about an experience that hurt a sensitive soul. 

 

Thank you.

You're probably right. It might have been multiple things in her own mind, where she needed to be alone?

Either way I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Breakups are always a pain in the butt. But like you said and very well, you DO deserve to be happy!

Time to focous on yourself and make yourself happy

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i, too, am dealing with recent heartbreak.

someone who i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with.

 

i understand your pain and i have no advice for you, as right now i am unable to even help myself...

i just wanted to tell you that you are not alone, and that someone is going through the same pain as you right now.

all i do is cry and want to beg him to come back... but as you said and i agree, i dont want to force someone to be with me.

 

people keep telling me that time will heal things...but of course thats not what i want.

"hang in there", as im sure you've heard before.

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Guest Voidart

Thanks for the replies, it's actually quite nice to just read what others have felt and experienced. It just shows how common this sort of experience really is.

Quite sad but also relieving as we're never alone in this.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply!

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My Fiancee and I have been together for 3 and a half years. The relationship is going badly now, because she doesn't feel comfortable about my little side, and wants someone more mature (even though she never see's my little side, she only knows about it.)

 

It's really tough. I know what you are going through. Hang in there brother. 

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It's a fact of life that you're going to go through a painful breakup. But that doesn't make it any easier. All you can try to do is move forward.

 

I ran from my feelings for a long time and I didn't get better physically or mentally until I dealt with them. Work through this however you can in a healthy manner and you'll be back in shape in no time.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just recently got out of a 3 year relationship, so I can imagine the pain you are in. It is truly hard to quantify and I hope for your healthy and happy healing.  :heart:

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Guest Daddy-Tom
I'm not trying to be contrarian but people do sometimes fall out of love. It's painful and it doesn't make sense or follow any logic. It happened to me and I asked her why and she could not give an answer. I myself have fallen out of love before too. Don't beat yourself up about it. I refused to accept it for a while when I was on the receiving end and I acted like a total asshole and probably irreparably damaged the friendship we had before we were intimate. You just gotta do you and try to move on.
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Guest TheShadow

Hey mate,

 

First off I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. In my limited experience, I've can say that falling out of love happens a lot more than people care to admit. We aren't the same people we were at the beginning of the relationship as we change over time (I mean you aren't the same person you are yesterday. You've seen something the person you were yesterday didn't notice. .... Another topic) we just need to realize that sometimes we grow closer and the relationship becomes stronger. Sometimes, it the other way round. So, it's a part of live. I know it sucks but I'm sure you will get past it

 

One way I found to deal with it is to appreciate the memories I have with the other person and The person you have become and not focus on how it ended. Of course it is different if they cheated on you or lied about themselves.

 

Hope you look at it differently down the line.

 

Cheers

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Guest Voidart

Again, thanks for the replies. I am now struggling with reoccuring nightmares. Anyone's got any tips on how to deal with this?

And yeah.. the thing is she did admit to loving me, but then she refused to admit it herself again. I don't know, i try not to overthink it. All in all. It just sucked.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Voidart

Update: I recently spoke with her again. And she confessed to having found someone else. 

I knew it didn't make sense to fall out of love like that - there was more to it. 

Who knows who cares, it's done and overwith now. 

 

Time to focus on self.

Not sure if this brought the closure I wanted - but it sure as hell is a wake up slap. 
I Guess I was naive to have trusted someone so deeply in the first place, but ultimately. It was a learning experience. 

Breakups suck. 

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  • 1 month later...

i'm really sorry :( break ups do indeed suck

 

ive had my fair share of breakups, some were for good reason an some were for jus.. dumb stuff. i've never really had like..a horrible breakup, wanna say one of the worst ones was when i got cheated on an stuff, cause i didnt "pay enough attention" to him, even tho i was at high school all day and didnt rlly have a choice of going.. but its ok. me an him are on good terms now, an he apologized for what he did an everything

 

but im rlly sorry about the breakup. breakups suck an.. rlly hurt. :(

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Guest Voidart

i'm really sorry :( break ups do indeed suck

 

ive had my fair share of breakups, some were for good reason an some were for jus.. dumb stuff. i've never really had like..a horrible breakup, wanna say one of the worst ones was when i got cheated on an stuff, cause i didnt "pay enough attention" to him, even tho i was at high school all day and didnt rlly have a choice of going.. but its ok. me an him are on good terms now, an he apologized for what he did an everything

 

but im rlly sorry about the breakup. breakups suck an.. rlly hurt. :(

 

It changed me for the worse unfortunately. I'm at that point where every woman starts to look the same. They, quote: "start to look the same". 

It's hard to move forward when someone intentionally hurts you. It's difficult to trust, when you compare the last relationship to future ones. 

It's at that stage i'm struggling, unintentionally of course. 

But i hope to move past this and forget about it. Which i know i will not. Contradicting myself as i write (damnit). 

 

Anyways! Thanks for your share, it's nice to hear other peoples point of view.

 

I had a five year relationship with my ex he new about my ab side there was a age difference i was 22 he was 43 but it turned out he was only into due to my autism and i looked younger and turned out he was not the man i fell in love. He in prison now he can rot there

My condolences.

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Guest You&me

I had a five year relationship with my ex he new about my ab side there was a age difference i was 22 he was 43 but it turned out he was only into due to my autism and i looked younger and turned out he was not the man i fell in love. He in prison now he can rot there

Absolutely fascinating! Your experience would make an interesting TV show.

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