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S/O isn't a caregiver


sweetangelkitten
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I've come out as a little slowly over the last year to my S/O and he doesn't get it. He thinks it's weird and sees it as a mental illness... It makes me sad that he feels this way. He calls me his little girl jokingly sometimes, but when I am being myself as a little he usually ignores me. He is usually looking at his phone or playing video games. Often I snuggle up to him and he pushes me away and it makes me sad. I don't want a sexual care giver relationship even. It's just a struggle that I have these desire and he won't even try >,<

 

Would it be wrong of me to seek out a caregiver in a nonsexual way? I need to be someone's little girl. It's painful to think about not being wanted.

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Hi,

I am sorry that you are going through this and I think it would be fine to find a caregiver in a nonsexual way, however I feel that the bigger question should be how to proceed with your current partner. Being a little is who you are and a part of your being. If he is not a C/G then this relationship you have with him is going to continue to be difficult as it is who you are. If he thinks there is something wrong with you because you are a little then I think you need to sit down and have a long adult talk with him as it is only going to become a larger problem as you progress in your relationship. 

Just my opinion of course, but I feel finding a non sexual caregiver is only putting a band-aid on the real issue which is your present partner not respecting you being a little. 

That being said it is a very common practice to find a caregiver to take care of you in little space. 

Edited by DaddyDom3238
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no, as long as your partner knows about it + is consenting! 

that's a very common practice. 

:heart:

 

 

Thank you for getting this! My partner is actually fine with having sex with other people. He doesn't believe sex is cheating, but having an emotional response to it is cheating. 

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Hi,

I am sorry that you are going through this and I think it would be fine to find a caregiver in a nonsexual way, however I feel that the bigger question should be how to proceed with your current partner. Being a little is who you are and a part of your being. If he is not a C/G then this relationship you have with him is going to continue to be difficult as it is who you are. If he thinks there is something wrong with you because you are a little then I think you need to sit down and have a long adult talk with him as it is only going to become a larger problem as you progress in your relationship. 

Just my opinion of course, but I feel finding a non sexual caregiver is only putting a band-aid on the real issue which is your present partner not respecting you being a little. 

That being said it is a very common practice to find a caregiver to take care of you in little space. 

 

Funny enough, my partner is fine with having sex with other people! He said what's bad is having an emotional connection with someone else, but having the act of sex alone is fine. He accepts I am a little, but doesn't treat me like a little. It feels like part of me is not being fulfilled. Thank you for the honesty ! 

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I've come out as a little slowly over the last year to my S/O and he doesn't get it. He thinks it's weird and sees it as a mental illness... It makes me sad that he feels this way. He calls me his little girl jokingly sometimes, but when I am being myself as a little he usually ignores me. He is usually looking at his phone or playing video games. Often I snuggle up to him and he pushes me away and it makes me sad. I don't want a sexual care giver relationship even. It's just a struggle that I have these desire and he won't even try >,<

 

Would it be wrong of me to seek out a caregiver in a nonsexual way? I need to be someone's little girl. It's painful to think about not being wanted.

 

Since your SO does not understand or consider your emotional needs of having a CG as important, seeking out one in a  non-sexual way would not be wrong. However, since your SO considers having an emotional attachment as cheating, that may not sit too well with him. Therefore, you  may want to have a talk with him first. 

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Since your SO does not understand or consider your emotional needs of having a CG as important, seeking out one in a  non-sexual way would not be wrong. However, since your SO considers having an emotional attachment as cheating, that may not sit too well with him. Therefore, you  may want to have a talk with him first. 

 Most definitely I talk to him about everything. I just hope that he doesn't get jealous of my new potential "daddy" ... Have you experienced anything like this before? Or know of an experience? How did it play out? I guess I am just nervous about it all

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Guest crazycatdaddy

It's a tough one, because in most cases I'm familiar with, littles and caregivers tend to develop a strong emotional connection. Even when things are platonic, non-romantic and nonsexual, that emotional bond is always there - and while I don't claim to speak for everyone, as a caregiver it's that deep connection that I'm most keen to have. Based on that I have to concur with what's already been said - it's something you will need to discuss with your partner. There are caregivers out there who are happy to be babysitters and take care of someone who has another partner, so it isn't impossible that you could find someone. It's just a case of making sure you stay on the right side of things with your partner. You didn't indicate how long you two have been together, and I hate to be the one to have to say this, but in some cases two people just aren't compatible. If littlespace is something you need to be able to do, and have someone to join in with you, then maybe there's a point where you'd have to consider whether this relationship is capable of meeting your needs.

 

One final point, being little is in no way a mental illness. There could be many reasons why someone enjoys littlespace, and if it's something you like you mustn't let people make you feel ashamed of the way you are. You are not doing anything wrong.

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Guest Daddy-Tom
This is going to sound harsh and is only my opinion, but here goes. If your partner's attitude towards you being little remains the same, you are not going to be happy in this relationship. You've stated that being little is a strong need, and if your partner will not fulfill this need, you will grow to resent him. You said he does not consider sex with other people to be cheating, only an emotional connection. The bad news is that a daddy/little bond is very much an emotional connection, therefore I suspect your partner would be none too happy if you were to seek out someone else to act as a caregiver. I think one of you is going to have to really compromise or it may be a better idea to look for someone else who can fulfill all of your needs. I know that thought hurts but you must do what's best for you. That said, definitely first have an involved conversation with your partner about ddlg and what being little means to you. Show him some of the resources online. If he thinks we're all mentally ill, then fuck him, he's wrong. I hope this helps. Good luck!
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I was in a bit of the same situation. My ex didn't understand it, didn't really care to. Only treated me little when he wanted sex. I wanted that emotional bond, but he didn't want to really be my caregiver. He also didn't want me seeking out someone else to fulfill my needs. So he pretended to be interested in it.

Long story short he didn't care for it the way I did. I was miserable.

That wasn't the reason for why we broke up, but it was a huge problem.

It was just a tiny problem in the beginning, but I did start to resent him for not being what I needed.

 

Think about what is really important to you and your needs.

You may need to move on from him if a compromise can not be made.

 

Good luck!

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I would like to disagree with the people who are putting out that a realtionship between you an yoru partner will end badly.. Me an my current boyfriend have been together for 5 years and he knows i'm a little an he is perfectly fine with me being with someone else. If your partner makes you happy but one thing is wrong that does't mean its the end of a relationship you just have to find someone who is willing to accept him in your life as well as you an there is alot of CG's out there that might. The only reason i don't have a CG/Daddy is because most people ghost me after gettin a photo so you just need to listen to your heart an be happy to yourself <3

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[...]but when I am being myself as a little he usually ignores me. He is usually looking at his phone or playing video games. Often I snuggle up to him and he pushes me away and it makes me sad.

 

So I might be understanding this wrong, but your SO won't even cuddle with you? He's more interested in his phone/video games than paying attention to you?

 

It's understandable that he's not a caregiver type, but he doesn't even seem to be that interested in you. I'm probably wrong here, but you should talk to him about what you're missing and if he can at least give you a normal amount of attention when you're little, like not shoving you away. Or if he'll be cool with you finding another person to be a nonsexual caregiver since he doesn't even want to try.

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I would like to disagree with the people who are putting out that a realtionship between you an yoru partner will end badly.. Me an my current boyfriend have been together for 5 years and he knows i'm a little an he is perfectly fine with me being with someone else. If your partner makes you happy but one thing is wrong that does't mean its the end of a relationship you just have to find someone who is willing to accept him in your life as well as you an there is alot of CG's out there that might. The only reason i don't have a CG/Daddy is because most people ghost me after gettin a photo so you just need to listen to your heart an be happy to yourself <3

It's not just about them not being their caregiver. He can't even give her cuddles and that is ridiculous.

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Physical intimacy - not even the sexual kind - is a big part of most relationships so.. I'd say the fact that he's not even trying to reciprocate or understand what littlespace means to you would come across a red flag to me...

 

When people care in a relationship, they show it. Be it by listening to you, or being there when you need them, or trying to be understanding of every part of you. If you don't feel like you're receiving that, try talking to them about it.

 

Take it from the most oblivious human being on the face of the planet: he may just not realize there's an issue. Giving off signals is silly, just be up-front, open, and honest.
 

I don't have the full context though so take that with a grain of salt, obviously.

 

And: it's not uncommon to be on the lookout for a platonic caregiver, just be sure you're being truthful to your S/O about it and make sure they're okay with it before you start going searching.

 

Best of luck with your situation!

Edited by Averi
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Physical intimacy - not even the sexual kind - is a big part of most relationships so.. I'd say the fact that he's not even trying to reciprocate or understand what littlespace means to you would come across a red flag to me...

 

When people care in a relationship, they show it. Be it by listening to you, or being there when you need them, or trying to be understanding of every part of you. If you don't feel like you're receiving that, try talking to them about it.

 

Take it from the most oblivious human being on the face of the planet: he may just not realize there's an issue. Giving off signals is silly, just be up-front, open, and honest.

 

I don't have the full context though so take that with a grain of salt, obviously.

 

And: it's not uncommon to be on the lookout for a platonic caregiver, just be sure you're being truthful to your S/O about it and make sure they're okay with it before you start going searching.

 

Best of luck with your situation!

 

I have been very straight forward and talked to him about it multiple times, he thinks it's "weird" and  "mentally ill" I think I will seek out a caregiver 

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I would like to disagree with the people who are putting out that a realtionship between you an yoru partner will end badly.. Me an my current boyfriend have been together for 5 years and he knows i'm a little an he is perfectly fine with me being with someone else. If your partner makes you happy but one thing is wrong that does't mean its the end of a relationship you just have to find someone who is willing to accept him in your life as well as you an there is alot of CG's out there that might. The only reason i don't have a CG/Daddy is because most people ghost me after gettin a photo so you just need to listen to your heart an be happy to yourself <3

 

Thank you for this, I don't think it will end badly either. He is a good person

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So I might be understanding this wrong, but your SO won't even cuddle with you? He's more interested in his phone/video games than paying attention to you?

 

It's understandable that he's not a caregiver type, but he doesn't even seem to be that interested in you. I'm probably wrong here, but you should talk to him about what you're missing and if he can at least give you a normal amount of attention when you're little, like not shoving you away. Or if he'll be cool with you finding another person to be a nonsexual caregiver since he doesn't even want to try.

 

Yes often he gives the electronics more attention , I have begged him for attention many times and he gets annoyed.. He is a good person but addicted to electronics saadly

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Guest Daddy-Tom
He sounds really immature to be perfectly honest. He'd rather give attention to electronics than his lady and you're the one with mental issues? You gotta get what you need, from him or elsewhere. The other thing to consider is... your partner believes you are mentally ill, and what is he doing about it? Nothing. He's not trying to help or support you. That is another red flag. How would you react if you had say, clinical depression or schizophrenia or something? Let me reiterate: your desire to be little is not mental illness. Your partner may be embarrassed at the thought of other people in your lives finding out and what they might think but just remember your relationship is your business. No one else has to know. Edited by Daddy-Tom
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Thank you for this, I don't think it will end badly either. He is a good person

Your wecome. I'm in the same situation except for mine is different. My boyfriend knows i'm a little he knows about all of that the difference being is we he ackoldged it and didnt say the things yours did. We talked and he is okay with me finding a caregiver for myself we have an open realtionship i am also poly it all tunes down to having the voice to speak.

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