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Dealing with the break up


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Relationships are hard work and from what you've described you both played a role in the relationship not working out. At the start he wanted to talk and you refused then when you wanted to talk he refused. Successful relationships often necessitate talking things through even when one partner or the other may not want to do so. There is nothing wrong with taking a moment to let emotions calm down but neither of you really stepped up from a communication perspective.

 

Whether he was lying about you or not is impossible to say, he's the only one who can answer that question. Asking a question that generalizes all men as liars is unfounded, unfair and to be honest obviously not going to be true or productive. He may have wanted to be with you but found himself unable to deal with a partner who refused to communicate with him when they were struggling. Nobody here knows what was going in in his head.

 

Personally, having a partner who refused to communicate with me would be a deal breaker. Even if I loved them I would have to let them go as no communication is the same as a breach of trust for me, relationship enders sadly.

 

To your second point, people change and evolve, they never stay the same as time passes. My wife of 13 years and my Daddy of a year and a half arent the same as when I first met them, nor am I the same person. You cant make someone go back to who they were or be who you want or stay the same. Relationships are about changing together and living one another so that you communicate openly and honestly about those changes and growing together.

 

You cant forget, that's not how life works. You reflect on what happened, their role in it, your role in it, what you value and what you want in the future. You take care of yourself, heal, get back to a healthy place then you move forward. You will forgive him when you're ready, you cant really rush that process or it usually doesnt work or just becomes words

 

It's far easier to describe than to do but it is a time tested and valuable method.

 

Little kaiya

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Relationships are hard work and from what you've described you both played a role in the relationship not working out. At the start he wanted to talk and you refused then when you wanted to talk he refused. Successful relationships often necessitate talking things through even when one partner or the other may not want to do so. There is nothing wrong with taking a moment to let emotions calm down but neither of you really stepped up from a communication perspective.

Whether he was lying about you or not is impossible to say, he's the only one who can answer that question. Asking a question that generalizes all men as liars is unfounded, unfair and to be honest obviously not going to be true or productive. He may have wanted to be with you but found himself unable to deal with a partner who refused to communicate with him when they were struggling. Nobody here knows what was going in in his head.

Personally, having a partner who refused to communicate with me would be a deal breaker. Even if I loved them I would have to let them go as no communication is the same as a breach of trust for me, relationship enders sadly.

To your second point, people change and evolve, they never stay the same as time passes. My wife of 13 years and my Daddy of a year and a half arent the same as when I first met them, nor am I the same person. You cant make someone go back to who they were or be who you want or stay the same. Relationships are about changing together and living one another so that you communicate openly and honestly about those changes and growing together.

You cant forget, that's not how life works. You reflect on what happened, their role in it, your role in it, what you value and what you want in the future. You take care of yourself, heal, get back to a healthy place then you move forward. You will forgive him when you're ready, you cant really rush that process or it usually doesnt work or just becomes words

It's far easier to describe than to do but it is a time tested and valuable method.

Little kaiya

Thank you i think im gonna read what you said again when i think about it the next time as it makes sense and makes me think better

 

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Guest LittleSnowiii

Hi all

 

So i'm just gonna start the thing

About 2 months ago i was having lots of problems with my family (not the one to handle with therapy) and i was upset (my whole family was upset) but my ex really helped me cheered me up made me laugh etc.

 

But as the problem was getting worse and i was getting more upset i couldn't have the same feeling about him for few weeks. I just couldn't love him the way i used too and he noticed it and told me about it but i acted like a j*erk and told him that's the way it is and nothing has changed(although i knew it had)

After that he acted like a j*erk too (he kept saying he doesn't have time to talk to me)and we just broke up without actually saying anything. I didn't want to break up but we just didn't talk and although i tried to talk about it he didn't respond like he used to so that happened.

 

We're apart now but im having two problems

 

First: he always said he met many girls so now he feels I'm the one and he truly loves me and he wants to be with me for the rest of his life but with that one thing from me he left everything behind so he was lying all the time? Do all the guys lie like this? I'm having trust issues...

 

Second: i really miss the guy i knew(not the guy who just left me although he knew i was having so many troubles) cause he was nice, kind, loved me, understood me, knew how to make me laugh and i loved him. Before all these things i really thought we were meant to be together and I'm lucky to find him.

 

Btw i don't want to get back to him cause now i know how he really handles hard situations but i just want to know how to forget and forgive him and how to change my mind about love and trust.

 

Ill appreciate it if you help me

With your first question: never believe everything people tell you. He might be saying that to see if your self esteem is low enough for you to take him back.

If he truly loved you doubt he would have left you in the first place. Quite honestly, gives a bad idea/representation for guys who truly love someone.

Second: Love and trust take time. Once you healed your heart and decide is time to explore again, it will be easier! Until then focous on yourself. Love yourself, do things you enjoy, make things about you (and your loved ones). 

Is never easy to forget someone we cared for, but little things can help like I mentioned above :)

Be strong <3

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With your first question: never believe everything people tell you. He might be saying that to see if your self esteem is low enough for you to take him back.

If he truly loved you doubt he would have left you in the first place. Quite honestly, gives a bad idea/representation for guys who truly love someone.

Second: Love and trust take time. Once you healed your heart and decide is time to explore again, it will be easier! Until then focous on yourself. Love yourself, do things you enjoy, make things about you (and your loved ones). 

Is never easy to forget someone we cared for, but little things can help like I mentioned above :)

Be strong <3

Thanks for your super nice words and advice

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