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Rejection From S/O


sweetangelkitten
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I have come out as a litttle/ middle to my S/O. He seemed to accept it at first, but when I started acting on it he was disturbed..  Such as saying "nappies" asking for nonsexual cuddles and playtime, and bedtime stories   He said he does not want to be with a child and said I need therapy.. It made me feel awful to be rejected like that.

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Guest Daddy-Tom
I know what I said to you in a private message about this but I think everyone here can piggyback off this one word: stigma, Stigma, STIGMA! Your s/o does not understand the lifestyle and is likely worried other people will think he's a... you know. I'm sure everyone here knows the word. He says he doesnt want to be with a child, and he isn't. He's with an adult. The difference is astronomical. Just remember you have support and acceptance here.
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I have come out as a litttle/ middle to my S/O. He seemed to accept it at first, but when I started acting on it he was disturbed..  Such as saying "nappies" asking for nonsexual cuddles and playtime, and bedtime stories   He said he does not want to be with a child and said I need therapy.. It made me feel awful to be rejected like that.

 

I can imagine how you must feel; I'm sorry for the struggles you are feeling.  Now, how are you going to move forward?  

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I'm sorry to hear that! This is probably the worst kind, coming from someone you like and trust. Stay strong, I'd offer hugs if I could.

Edited by Bearman
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I have come out as a litttle/ middle to my S/O. He seemed to accept it at first, but when I started acting on it he was disturbed..  Such as saying "nappies" asking for nonsexual cuddles and playtime, and bedtime stories   He said he does not want to be with a child and said I need therapy.. It made me feel awful to be rejected like that.

So a couple of things stood out to me here... I'm  not sure if you're still with him, and if not then I'm sorry and good for you I hope you find someone you match with better, if so then this might help you(or others struggling with this)

 

Not everyone likes 'baby talk' so sometimes words like 'nappies' seem really weird, there are even some Daddy's that don't like baby talk(not sure if this is something you talked about with him or not but springing baby talk on someone could leave a sour taist in their mouth and it's not fair to expect him to just jump right in with that)

 

Nonsexual cuddles should be a part of a relationship anyway(in my oppenion) and I think that he had trouble with that is very conserning

 

You don't need a cg for playtime(I'm assuming you mean like with toys and stuff), so unless you asked him about having this then I don't know why he'd be a part of this(as for sexual play time not everyone wants ddlg in their bed rooms)

 

Bedtime stories take a lot of being very comfortable with ddlg, that doesn't seem like the kind of thing a new daddy(who's not even really a daddy) to do...

 

I could be wrong on all of this, sorry if it's not helpful

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Guest LittleSnowiii

I have come out as a litttle/ middle to my S/O. He seemed to accept it at first, but when I started acting on it he was disturbed..  Such as saying "nappies" asking for nonsexual cuddles and playtime, and bedtime stories   He said he does not want to be with a child and said I need therapy.. It made me feel awful to be rejected like that.

That was rude af from him. True not everyone is into the same kink as others, but to say you need therapy? Someone didn't do their research properly... stigma and ignorance are the worst.

Very sorry you experienced that. Just know you're a fantastic little and one day you'll find that one caregiver, who will give you the world 

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Wow. Just wow. You need therapy? Really? First of all. Age regressing IS therapeutic. Second of all, some people just like to do it. Ugh. Wow. Just wow.

He just sounds sounds so disrespectful.

I know not everyone is into that, but saying you need therapy?

I'm gonna be honest. I think you just need to leave that fool. I don't know him, so I can't REALLY judge him, but from things you've said about him, he just sounds toxic.

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u say he accepted that this is who u are, but did he agree to be a part of it? The two are not the same. Just because he is ok with u doing little things in ur free time, doesn't mean he wants to see little behavior done around him, or to be involved in it. Im just curious if he agreed to be ur daddy, if u simply assumed he would be ur daddy, or if he genuinely gave it a try and decided it wasn't for him. It is unfortunate that he isn't into ddlg, and sad that he doesn't understand ddlg and thinks u need therapy, but I don't think it is 'bad' of him to think so (but I sympathize with u feeling rejected because of it). Ddlg is very normal to us, but to outsiders, I could completely understand why they would think something must be wrong with ppl who behave in such a peculiar way. What we all do is not the 'norm' and I think it is very easy for us to forget that. All u can do is educate him more about ddlg, IF he is interested in learning, and if he isn't interested in learning about ddlg and if he is uncomfortable with witnessing it, I think u should accept and respect his choice/leave him out of it, and be a little on ur own or find a new compatiable partner.
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Being kink shamed by someone you love is one of the most violating feelings to experience. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can't believe he said therapy. Coming out to someone about what kinks we like is the most vulnerable position to put ourselves in and you were extremely brave to speak up to tell him what you like. If he didn't share the interest or want to practice he could simply have said he didn't want to join in with that aspect.

 

Sounds like a judgemental vanilla kinda guy. He clearly doesn't respect you as his partner to say that if he had any feeling for you.

 

I've been in similar situations with previous partners where i've expressed my kinks to them (not all of them) but some and depending on the reactions i'll express more or hide the rest which isn't something i should do i know but it's been a sad experience that i've had relationships break up because of a totally vanilla partner not being comfortable with things i was into despite me not once trying to involve her in them. She just couldn't accept or be with someone who liked certain things - it didn't change who i was a person, i was still the same person i'd always been but some people just can't deal.

 

I hope you can work things out maybe explain to him how he just made you feel. But if he won't even accept you as you are simply for liking what you like even if he doesn't share the interest, do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel ashamed for being who you are and liking what you like?

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So a couple of things stood out to me here... I'm  not sure if you're still with him, and if not then I'm sorry and good for you I hope you find someone you match with better, if so then this might help you(or others struggling with this)

 

Not everyone likes 'baby talk' so sometimes words like 'nappies' seem really weird, there are even some Daddy's that don't like baby talk(not sure if this is something you talked about with him or not but springing baby talk on someone could leave a sour taist in their mouth and it's not fair to expect him to just jump right in with that)

 

Nonsexual cuddles should be a part of a relationship anyway(in my oppenion) and I think that he had trouble with that is very conserning

 

You don't need a cg for playtime(I'm assuming you mean like with toys and stuff), so unless you asked him about having this then I don't know why he'd be a part of this(as for sexual play time not everyone wants ddlg in their bed rooms)

 

Bedtime stories take a lot of being very comfortable with ddlg, that doesn't seem like the kind of thing a new daddy(who's not even really a daddy) to do...

 

I could be wrong on all of this, sorry if it's not helpful

 

I'm fine with not using baby talk, he just sees me being a little as being mentally ill and that I need a therapist. Yes I am still with him, and I am still trying to get him to accept my little side. Yeah I think non-sexual cuddles should be part of a relationship for sure . To me playtime is an important part of being a little, coloring and playing with dolls ect... I want a daddy to interact with me, I get so lonely as a little. I am not a sexual person, so none of being a little is about sex for me. I guess I feel overall rejected and don't know what it do

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Being kink shamed by someone you love is one of the most violating feelings to experience. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can't believe he said therapy. Coming out to someone about what kinks we like is the most vulnerable position to put ourselves in and you were extremely brave to speak up to tell him what you like. If he didn't share the interest or want to practice he could simply have said he didn't want to join in with that aspect.

 

Sounds like a judgemental vanilla kinda guy. He clearly doesn't respect you as his partner to say that if he had any feeling for you.

 

I've been in similar situations with previous partners where i've expressed my kinks to them (not all of them) but some and depending on the reactions i'll express more or hide the rest which isn't something i should do i know but it's been a sad experience that i've had relationships break up because of a totally vanilla partner not being comfortable with things i was into despite me not once trying to involve her in them. She just couldn't accept or be with someone who liked certain things - it didn't change who i was a person, i was still the same person i'd always been but some people just can't deal.

 

I hope you can work things out maybe explain to him how he just made you feel. But if he won't even accept you as you are simply for liking what you like even if he doesn't share the interest, do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel ashamed for being who you are and liking what you like?

 

For me being a little is not sexual, therefore is not a kink. It's just a way for me to escape, I have had a lot of trauma through my life and never had the chance to experience a childhood or go through the stages of learning who I am. For me , being a little is a way to have my childhood and have fun like I have always wanted to. Yes, it hurt my feelings when he said I needed therapy, like there was something wrong with me. I am sorry that you have had experiences of rejection that even ended relationships. 

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The question you should perhaps ask yourself is why you still want to be in a relationship with this person?

 

There is a very big difference amongst active participation, your partner being ok with something and actively involved, acceptance, your partner being ok with something but not wanting to participate, dislike, your partner not liking something and not participating and rejection, your partner not participating AND actively making you feel bad.

 

You didn't just get a bad reaction you received an intentionally hurtful reaction. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who does that to you? It certainly doesnt demonstrate any kind of understanding, compassion or respect that I can see.

 

You say you are still with him and trying to get him to accept your little side but with the reaction you described it sounds like there's as much chance of that as a snowball's chance in a volcano.

 

There are a LOT, too many in my humble opinion, of stories of people staying in toxic relationships because they'd rather have a partner than be alone. I'm not advocating leaving a partner quickly, easily or over little things. My wife and I have 15 years together and have dealt with job loss, financial issues, sever work stress and an inability to have children, ALL seriously tough issues so I do believe in putting in the work.

 

That said, what could make you want to be with someone who intentionally says harmful things like that and who seemingly doesnt value you as a person?

 

I can't and won't try to tell you what to do, it's your life. What I can say is I would have an issue with a partner rejecting me, yes, but you weren't just rejected, your partner devalued you and personally I would NEVER stay in a situation like that one, I love myself too much as a human being to let someone think that's ok.

 

Little Kaiya

Edited by Little kaiya
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Guest Daddy-Tom

For me being a little is not sexual, therefore is not a kink. It's just a way for me to escape, I have had a lot of trauma through my life and never had the chance to experience a childhood or go through the stages of learning who I am. For me , being a little is a way to have my childhood and have fun like I have always wanted to. Yes, it hurt my feelings when he said I needed therapy, like there was something wrong with me. I am sorry that you have had experiences of rejection that even ended relationships.

You know in the case of past trauma and not experiencing a proper childhood and all that, a therapist might suggest little space as a form of therapy. So your s/o is wrong and mean. You can do better!

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