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Dealing with Fake Daddies


Little_Twinkle
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So lately have been chatting to a couple of daddy's (suitors) and I have experienced a lot of "fake daddies" or married daddies (IRL) I even had a few daddies lie about their marital status which is very important for me to not lie about (I believe in honesty also I dont want to be part of anyones affair), I have come to see that it is mostly the really older Daddies that tend to catfish in a way as the whole point of being in DDLG is that we can form a bond of trust...

 

My question/s is/are 
 

how long did it take you to figure out you were dealing with a fake daddy

What did you do after you found out. 

 

Daddies welcomed to comment about fake littles.

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I honestly HATE the word "fake" as people tend to apply it a lot when a Daddy or little turns out not to share the same views, approaches to DDlg, wants or desires. It also seems to be a term that crops up when someone changes, e.g. someone says they're interested in trying something, try it and dont like it then are called fake. Like a Daddy says ve never had a little in diapers but I'm ok trying it, tries it, finds out it's not for them, says no thank you, then is called fake by the little. Those things to me aren't being fake but rather two people being incompatible or someone discovering who they are abd what they like or dont like which is very different than someone intentionally lying.

 

So, for my response I'm going to assume you mean fake to be someone who is intentionally lying for whatever reason.

 

First off, I've never done online dating or looked for anyone online as I value an in person connection too much. As such, it eliminates a bunch of potential mistruths as I can literally see the other person so I'm not waiting for photos or video calls to confirm who the person is in reality.

 

Second, Daddy is an earned term to me. Anyone I would be talking to casually to start with would not have earned the title Daddy. I find people toss that term around WAY too quickly. By waiting it put the RELATIONSHIP first instead of the roles. It also encourages focusing on comparability first.

 

Third, I dont see any issue with married Daddies so long as their spouse knows and they're honest about it to potential partners. I'm a married little but both my Wife and the man who is now my Daddy knew long before anything ever happened.

 

I think saying it's mostly older people is not only unfair but also untrue. Liars come in all ages, sizes, races, creeds, nationalities, etc.

 

I've never gotten involved with a liar and never would. What would I do if it did happen, easy, you lie to me and game over, done. I don't believe in lying, I won't do it myself and I wont tolerate it in others.

 

Little kaiya

Edited by Little kaiya
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Guest Aetherr
why do you call them fake, it implies they are not what they seem and aside from being lying scumbags they very likely are not fake anything
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Guest Alargefarva

Rather than criticize you over your choice of words that I'm sure were not intended to offend anyone, I'll give you my advice. As a happily married daddy who is not looking for anything other than friendship here, trust is key in any relationship. Love by itself is not enough. A successful relationship is made of trust and mutual respect as well. My advice is to cut them out of your life permanently. These are clearly not honorable men, liars don't make good partners for anyone. I think that perhaps rather than trying to find someone within the lifestyle, you might try just dating outside of the community instead. Bring it up once you've reached a certain point where you are comfortable doing it in the relationship. That's how it happened for me, and we are still going strong 13 years later.

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Guest QueenJellybean
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Guest crazycatdaddy

Honestly, the only thing you can do when you find out someone has lied to you about something important - like their relationship status - is to cease communicating with them. In my years in the CG/L community I've encountered a number of people who weren't honest with me about who they were or what their intentions were. It's usually not too difficult to spot if someone is lying, particularly if it seems as though they're using you for purely sexual reasons. The longest I was strung along by a catfish was a few days, and that was when I was new to the scene and wasn't so experienced in knowing what red flags to look for. There have been posts here detailing what to look for when dealing with the kind of person you describe, so it would be worth taking a look at those. I won't reiterate everything here, but I will give you a general piece of advice. Trust your instincts. If someone feels "wrong", that's your natural defence mechanism saying "hey, you need to be really careful". You don't need to explain yourself, you don't owe anyone an explanation. If you don't feel safe, or if you feel that someone is being deceitful and you cannot find a way to trust them, get yourself out of that situation.

 

The unfortunate reality of online dating - and this applies both inside and outside of the CG/L community - is that there are some people who try to abuse the system. There are people who try to pull scams to get money, there are married and committed people who try to find another partner dishonestly, there are people who deliberately misrepresent themselves, and so on. The internet, and the anonymity it provides, gives those kind of people some degree of cover, and the more people you meet, the more likely you are to encounter someone like that. Luckily these people are a very small minority of the people in the community, and most people you meet will be basically decent.

 

Sometimes it can take a while after a bad experience before you feel ready to jump back into the dating pool, and if you need time that's absolutely okay. In the past when I've been lied to and strung along, not only did it make me feel stupid and damage my self-esteem, it also made me immediately more suspicious of people and less trusting. Even when someone hadn't done anything wrong I found myself questioning everything for a while, and that frame of mind is very bad when meeting new people - especially a new romantic partner. So take as much time as you need and don't feel under any pressure to do anything you aren't ready for.

 

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I don't know exactly what the stats would be on how many folks within the community have been catfished or had someone lie to them in this manner, but certainly a number of people I've spoken with - caregivers and littles - have endured something similar. So at least you aren't the only one!

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Guest LittleSnowiii

So lately have been chatting to a couple of daddy's (suitors) and I have experienced a lot of "fake daddies" or married daddies (IRL) I even had a few daddies lie about their marital status which is very important for me to not lie about (I believe in honesty also I dont want to be part of anyones affair), I have come to see that it is mostly the really older Daddies that tend to catfish in a way as the whole point of being in DDLG is that we can form a bond of trust...

 

My question/s is/are 

 

how long did it take you to figure out you were dealing with a fake daddy

What did you do after you found out. 

 

Daddies welcomed to comment about fake littles.

Once someone lies, they'll always lie. I don't waist more time on that person.

I was lucky that I already knew my daddy as a friend, so once he said he was interested I finally got "the one". 

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One thing I have noticed, is the number of people who don't fully read someone's add or profile before getting involved. I have heard numerous littles and Daddies say someone is "fake", because they didn't read that they were in an open relationship, or are poly, and got all excited only too discover the person they are talking to has other partners.

Could this have happened to you? It has to me, and I learned quickly to double check things before I get too excited.

That said. I really dislike the term "fake". They just aren't right for you. I really hope you can learn from this experience, and move forward to find what you're looking for.

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Very Well said Lass! 

I admit my back got up when I read this.... considering I was one of the Daddies she was conversing with.... or rather answering pointed questions. It's hard not to take personally... 

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