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Reconnecting


Guest SifuTheWolf
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Guest SifuTheWolf
My babygirl and I recently had a baby and during her pregnancy impact play ended up getting put on a back burner and eventually off the stove altogether. Now that the baby has been born I'm really wanting to get back into growing in our D/s dynamic and resuming impact play. I expressed my desire and my babygirl said we needed to reconnect first. While I understand I also wonder how to go-about "reconnecting ". I posted this on another site/group and got a couple superfakealpha responses like "why did you even stop" and within a day I found myself banned from the group, wtf kinda support community is that? Hopefully this post gets a better reception/discussion here
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Guest Aetherr

i sort of understand where you are coming from here, as a single father me and my daughter's mother didnt manage to connect after our daughter came into the world.

 

from what i know you have to start from the beginning. what did you two do to become close did you go on any dates what did you do when you had time alone?

 

try bringing back some of those activities so you two can bond, but keep in mind a child will make things harder you two will need to bond over a child also so try and communicate and work together as a team with both of you doing your roles

the last thing you need is stress over parental responsibilities and anything else related

 

also understand that it wont be the same as it was before kids have a way of shaking up the dynamic and its forces the adult out in everyone.. you partner will be experiancing motherhood and it may not leave her in a headspace ideal for what you want which means she will need to do atleast half the work

 

 

its hard but no couple stands the test of time if they cannot

 

and we know it can be done, we see couples who stick together for 40+  years through kids jobs and home ownership and they manage to find happiness with their life and ideally with eachother

Edited by Aetherr
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Guest SifuTheWolf
I have a grown daughter from my previous marriage and my babygirl has 3 kids from hers, 14,11 and 6 years of age. I moved over 800 miles 2 years ago to live with my babygirl and and her children, (now "ours"). Parenting is not new to either of us and it pretty much consumes our lives, but we both LOVE family/children,if my babygirl has a calling in life I truly believe it is motherhood, she loves the role and is amazing at it.
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For me it seems like there is some metal connection lost and maybe she sees you differently than before. I don't have kids myself, so can't comment what she might have gone thorugh but I think that sort of disconnection happens also rels without such big change as having a kid.

 

I agree with Aetherr, go on dates, do things you used to, just also understand that things are different now as there is a small baby in the house. This also could be an opportunity for you to find something totally new for your rel. So, try not to think too much past but what you want in future.

 

Mental connection is often really big deal when it comes to ddlg, so you two really need to get that back, and rediscover eachother again. Start slow at first, and maybe drop totally talking of impact play etcetc: think it as if you just met, build trust and start with small stuff, not the extreme things you have done in past. Without knowing how your rel used to be and what you enjoyed there, these are mere ideas that could be something for you ( but consider what were the things she has always enjoyed in you ):

 

  •  try looking after her: bring her food etcetc, as dealing with giving birth and new baby is exhausting easily
  •  talk to her as daddy/dom, just small things but while making her happy and comfortable, express it as you looking after your little/sub, you being the dom who looks after his family and is in control (such as "let me rub your feet [insert petname]", "good girl for feeding our baby/looking after the house" ). So, positive enforcement.
  •  give her your time and appreciation, have dates but also just the small things in everyday life like taking 5sec in morning to kiss her before leaving to work, sending her texts while at work if possible ( like "thinking you my [petname]", "proud to have such a [petname] at home, looking forward seeing you", "I want you to take 5mins to yourself before I get home and pamper yourself with xxxxxx", or whatever suits your style ).
  • show dominance by listening what she asked you ( ==reconnecting in this case ), and take lead with making it happen. Like start the convo about how you get there. Maybe make nice dinner, give her shoulder massage but be firm with "I want us reconnect, so now we are going to talk of our rel, what we wish from it and what would make you feel close to me again. Let her talk and give you solutions and suggestions, just lead the convo and be interested, so you can get back to the dynamic. ( And yes, I get that having nice candle light dinner might be pretty hard to achieve right now but do what you can, even if it means having take away at midnight or breakfast in morning where you can chat for 5mins ).
  • help her find her sub side again, as maybe being a "new" mom has meant that she has needed to step away from that in order to look after the new baby and to protect the newcomer.

Being gentle and patient seems to be like the keywords for the situation but I obviously don't know her.

 

Edit: typos.

Edited by baby_k
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