Have you ever been super shy/scared?

[Guest Butterfly3]

I'm new to the community of DDlg, but I guess I'm super shy and/or scared of people . It's so depressing. blah, sorry.. I've been hurt quite a lot in the BDSM world in my past. So, that carries over I guess and I'm always second guessing. 

How can you overcome that? 

[Sean]

:: big hug::

I used to be super shy/scared a long time ago. I'm sure there will be lots of advice from other people, and all I can say is how I did it; by digging deep and deciding that I wasn't going to be a victim by others. I can't afford to worry about what others think of me. They're going to think of me the way they will, and if they have a problem with me, it is their problem, not mine. Only I can live my life, no one else can, and they're in no position to judge me. They can't walk a mile in my shoes. Once I figured that out, confidence became easy, and the others see that in me now.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i think a lot of us have fears or insecurities that we carry with us from past relationships, even outside of BDSM!

there's no magic trick to help you trust and open up, unfortunately.

my best advice to you is to trust your gut, move at a pace that is healthy for you, and don't feel rushed for anyone. 

if someone pressures you, they aren't for you. 
simple as that. 

 

i've encountered lots of folks who 
a.) weren't cool with polya when they said they were, so we didn't work out.
b.) weren't understanding of my regression when they said they would be, so we didn't work out.
c.) weren't respectful of my sexual limitations when they said they were, so we didn't work out.

don't be afraid to be picky!

it's okay if people aren't meant for you, but if they make you feel like you have to change for them, there's a problem.