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feeling annoying in little space


glitterymarshmallow
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i'm very self conscious of letting the little side of me slip out around a n y o n e because i worry i'm annoying - whether that's because of being *too shy, too bratty, too needy..

 

started trusting + opening up to a dd (over 2 months) and today they said i'm "draining" to talk to out of the blue and it's really knocked my confidence back down.. why say all those things* are okay and then make me feel bad for it, i'd understand if he'd approached me with his feelings more amicably but he literally said he couldn't be bothered talking to me because of it

 

are there any dd's out there who aren't fake doms, trying to rush everything, ghosters or just plain assholes? ~ ddlg is so special to me but i don't even feel comfortable enough here to be myself anymore..

Edited by glitterymarshmallow
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There are certainly alot of great Caregivers out there who are genuine, who are looking for a strong and lasting relationship.

 

That said, in my experience those are the same ones who aren't going to jump into a DDlg relationship in the first two months. They are the ones who want to meet partners that are compatible in many different ways, get to know one another as adults and people first and who after getting to know one another will then move into a DDlg relationship.

 

Two months really is not a significant amount of time and it really doesn't allow enough time to determine true compatibility, one beyond DDlg.

 

The DD you were talking too certainly didn't handle the situation in a way I would consider compassionate or reasonable but it doesnt mean they are a fake DD. It certainly sounds like the two of you have very different interests and desires that maybe weren't really discussed thoroughly enough.

 

I wish you the best and suggedt maybe spending more time before introducing DDlg elements so you can be sure you're comfortable and compatible as a couple first.

 

Little kaiya

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I feel your frustration but have to agree with Little kaiya. Sadly it's hard to remember these lessons when something seems to be going well and you let down your guard.

As harsh as it was, at least the D told you what his problem was rather than ghosting which for me is worse.

I put a related question up and there are some really helpful suggestions to it that might help.

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started trusting + opening up to a dd (over 2 months) and today they said i'm "draining" to talk to out of the blue and it's really knocked my confidence back down.. why say all those things* are okay and then make me feel bad for it, i'd understand if he'd approached me with his feelings more amicably but he literally said he couldn't be bothered talking to me because of it

He said he can't be bothered to talk about how you're "draining"? What does that even mean? 

Hmm. If he said this out of the blue, then I think he has the issue of not communicating enough, whereas you may feel you're communicating too much.

 

I say that 2 months is pretty good for maintaining constant contact with, given the context of how quickly relationships seem to start and end through various other posts. However as Little kaiya mentioned, it's not thaaaaat long. I'm sure there must have been some things you weren't particularly fond of about him either, as his personality from that one moment just seems.... bleh.

 

Do you think that maybe you were speaking with him mainly because he was someone who would listen and just stuck around? That's something that sometimes happens when loneliness is a factor; I hope that doesn't sound rude. (Speaking somewhat from experience on this one.) It's just that sometimes having someone is better than having no one, but that doesn't mean that that someone is the best someone for you. Just the someone for now.

 

It's tough for sure to find someone that you truly connect with and align with on morals, thoughts, values, etc... They do exist though. Getting to know the core of a person is so much more important and meaningful than getting to know the surface level stuff and typically, as Little kaiya mentioned, that takes time. Go slow, be friends, and be patient.  *glitter*

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thanks for tbe responses <3 maybe i'm just feeling pessimistic right now, i'll be taking your guys' advice on though
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Guest countlieberkuhn

I think your DD could have handled it better, but as the others say at least he is communicating.  2 months isn't very long, so now is probably the time to be figuring out if you're really compatible for the long term.  Are you able to comfortably dial it down a bit to an extent that you are both happy with?  I think it's worth a try at least, if everything else has been good.

 

If not, then chalk it down to experience.  Just don't jump into anything rashly, and you'll be ok whatever happens :)  Just make sure that you don't become someone else entirely for his benefit.

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Guest PrincessSparkles35

I think your DD could have handled it better, but as the others say at least he is communicating.  2 months isn't very long, so now is probably the time to be figuring out if you're really compatible for the long term.  Are you able to comfortably dial it down a bit to an extent that you are both happy with?  I think it's worth a try at least, if everything else has been good.

 

If not, then chalk it down to experience.  Just don't jump into anything rashly, and you'll be ok whatever happens :)  Just make sure that you don't become someone else entirely for his benefit.

Speaking from a little poibt of view...it can be difficult to not change for someone else. But if they really like u they will accept all of u without u changing.

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Guest countlieberkuhn

Speaking from a little poibt of view...it can be difficult to not change for someone else. But if they really like u they will accept all of u without u changing.

 

A little bit of compromise is fine and healthy in order to make a relationship work, but that's only for little things.  Working on little habits that annoy the other person is fine (I have a bad nail-biting habit brought on by stress which some people hate), but becoming a diluted version of yourself is not.  It might be fine in the short term, but you probably wouldn't be happy in a long term relationship if you couldn't be you.

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Guest Looby-Lou

Speaking from a little poibt of view...it can be difficult to not change for someone else. But if they really like u they will accept all of u without u changing.

 

Totally agree...it's part of the "wanting to please" syndrome. Being adaptable, giving the benefit of the doubt too often etc...

But..but..BUT... i've learned it's also a flag. A big red waving flag. A flag to pay attention to.

If i feel like i can't be myself around someone, then i know that person is someone i shouldn't be around.

 

i would always try to do more of the things my Daddy liked (if i had a Daddy) and avoid or tone down things he didn't like. But if he didn't like how i basically AM, then it's a lost cause. 

 

We all have different facets of our personality that we show at different times, and yes like countlieberkuhn said "a bit of compromise is fine and healthy". But trying to change who you are just to keep someone else happy? That's not healthy. Not anytime. 

 

Looby  :)

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Guest PrincessSparkles35

Totally agree...it's part of the "wanting to please" syndrome. Being adaptable, giving the benefit of the doubt too often etc...

But..but..BUT... i've learned it's also a flag. A big red waving flag. A flag to pay attention to.

If i feel like i can't be myself around someone, then i know that person is someone i shouldn't be around.

 

i would always try to do more of the things my Daddy liked (if i had a Daddy) and avoid or tone down things he didn't like. But if he didn't like how i basically AM, then it's a lost cause. 

 

We all have different facets of our personality that we show at different times, and yes like countlieberkuhn said "a bit of compromise is fine and healthy". But trying to change who you are just to keep someone else happy? That's not healthy. Not anytime. 

 

Looby  :)

I completely agree with you... We are littles but it doesn't mean people have the right to treat us like crap or take advantage of our kindness....maybe turn on ur big side and show them the side with claws :)
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Guest Looby-Lou

I completely agree with you... We are littles but it doesn't mean people have the right to treat us like crap or take advantage of our kindness....maybe turn on ur big side and show them the side with claws :)

 

Unfortunately grown-up me has exactly the same personality as little me! I don't have claws.

But I do have feet. And I do walk away.

 

In all areas of life, there will be people who mistake kindness for weakness. Big mistake.

 

Also, just want to apologise to the OP because in my other post I didn't say what I meant to: I'm so sorry this guy spoke harshly to you and left you feeling scared to be little. It's never nice to hear we're not wanted, but it's even worse if someone does it in a mean way.  Look after yourself  :wub:

 

Looby  :)

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Guest PrincessSparkles35

Unfortunately grown-up me has exactly the same personality as little me! I don't have claws.

But I do have feet. And I do walk away.

 

In all areas of life, there will be people who mistake kindness for weakness. Big mistake.

 

Also, just want to apologise to the OP because in my other post I didn't say what I meant to: I'm so sorry this guy spoke harshly to you and left you feeling scared to be little. It's never nice to hear we're not wanted, but it's even worse if someone does it in a mean way.  Look after yourself  :wub:

 

Looby  :)

I understand....walking away is always the best choice first :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest softestbun

I feel this way a lot too. Even before I even knew about little spaces and regression. I would talk in a childish voice a lot, not on purpose but just naturally, and my friends would tell me it was strange or annoying. And then, more recently, my ex-boyfriend who I was with for eight months insulted my age regression by telling me he didn't believe it was a valid coping options and said it was weird and he didn't understand it. It made me lose all trust in people when it came to opening up about it and now I make sure not to regress in front of anyone other than my best friend and I watch how I talk in front of people.

 

But my best friend makes it all better because he doesn't judge me at all and he's the first person to ever accept it without fault or questions. He took in the info, my behavior, and my actions with love and comfort and I think he's even done research about it on his own time to make sure he can care for me well enough since I don't have/want a real caregiver.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest PrincessSparkles35

I feel this way a lot too. Even before I even knew about little spaces and regression. I would talk in a childish voice a lot, not on purpose but just naturally, and my friends would tell me it was strange or annoying. And then, more recently, my ex-boyfriend who I was with for eight months insulted my age regression by telling me he didn't believe it was a valid coping options and said it was weird and he didn't understand it. It made me lose all trust in people when it came to opening up about it and now I make sure not to regress in front of anyone other than my best friend and I watch how I talk in front of people.

 

But my best friend makes it all better because he doesn't judge me at all and he's the first person to ever accept it without fault or questions. He took in the info, my behavior, and my actions with love and comfort and I think he's even done research about it on his own time to make sure he can care for me well enough since I don't have/want a real caregiver.

I'm sorry you had to experience such horrible people. They sound really mean. I can relate to your voice. I've always been told I have a high pitch voice and have had people mimic it sometimes. It can be really hard.

 

I remember one time I was talking to a friend in the phone and they asked me who it was? They said they thought they were talking to a baby. Now I have a few supportive friends and I'm upfront about it. I've learned to joke about my voice and it throws people off.

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