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break up help/support?


CutieBunnie
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idk where to post this...incredibly alone right now...broke it off with my dom after he violated my triggers and its a persistent pattern...idk what to do or who to tlak to...he was basically my support and i donthave family or friends due to illness im really distraught rightnow i think i tolerated it because iwas alone but i cant do it anymoree cant stop crying

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Guest açúcar

hey. im here if you need.

breaking up is very hard, and you definitely deserved and deserve better.

i wish you the best, and please feel free to pm me. i will be here if you need. you are not alone. so sorry that this happened to you. best of luck.

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Guest Looby-Lou

If someone knowingly violated your triggers (and especially if he's done this more than once) then you did the RIGHT THING to end it. And the brave thing. So be proud of yourself.

 

If you have anyone at all that you trust enough to be with, so that you're not physically alone, that might be good. But if you don't have that, at least you can always talk to people here. The great thing about online forums is that whatever time of day or night there's usually someone around.

 

I'm never in the chat room so I can't speak for those people, but I'm guessing you could just hang out in the chat room to have "company" and you won't have to chat if you don't want to.

 

I looked at your profile and you say you're looking for a CG. You might want to be extremely careful about getting yourself involved with anyone else so very very quickly after ending your previous relationship. 

 

Look after yourself and there are lots of friendly people here to keep you company :)

 

Looby

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Guest countlieberkuhn

As those above have said, you've done the right thing.  I think you should not knee-jerk into a relationship for a while, I don't know how long ago you broke up but I think rushing into another one will potentially be repeating the pattern.  Learn to live by yourself again and rely on friendships, here or elsewhere.  I think that will help you gain perspective and make the right choices moving forward so you don't end up in this situation again.

Don't forget to look after yourself, physically and emotionally during this difficult time, and you'll be fine.  Everyone's here to help.

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Guest LittleSnowiii

Always better to be alone than to be with unhealthy company. You did the right thing!  We're all here to support you <3

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Thank you everyone, it's really hard... thank you for all the advice and being understanding...I'm having trouble with my self-care today as it flared up my anxiety and other stuff...he keeps saying he wants me to give him another chance, but how many times can you repeat something and expect forgiveness...like its hurting my care...the random abandonments and mixed messages with the "I love yous" and extreme care after doing something bad....

 

and you're right, maybe I should just focus on friendships right now even through here ...social anxiety kicking up, lol. 

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the "I love yous" and extreme care after doing something bad....

I used to be very active doing crisis work after obtaining my degree in psychology. What you have said raises the hackles on my neck and so so so many red flags. That kind of behaviour is classic emotional abuse. It is one of the core signs of an abusive relationship.

 

I cant tell you what to do but please, please, please, put yourself, your wellbeing and your safety, yes emotional safety is just as important, first. If that behaviour is a pattern and hasn't changed in the past it is HIGHLY unlikely to do so in the future.

 

Little Kaiya

Edited by Little kaiya
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Breakups can be really hard and painful, even if the person you broke up with was abusive. If you have to, tell yourself in the mirror every day (out loud) "Even though it's hard right now, I love myself and I did the right thing." Be gentle with yourself. Buy yourself (or pick) some flowers. Use good-smelling essential oils to scent your house (orange, lemon, lavender, pine, rose, whichever you like best). Eat tasty, uplifting foods (fresh berries, edible flowers on a salad, quality dark chocolate, etc).

 

Maybe you can volunteer somewhere? It could take your mind off your heartache and give you something to feel good about. Options include at a children's hospital, at an animal shelter (I've even seen volunteer jobs for petting cats), at a Boys & Girls Club, at a food pantry, at a church/other religious institution, at an environmental nonprofit, etc. Search online for more ideas. If you'd like to help but nervous about being around others, consider a mostly-at-home volunteer activity. If you like baking for example, you could make a contact with a homeless shelter and bake birthday cakes for homeless children.

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Be kind to yourself! Make sure u eat proper, take long bubble baths & do other self care things. Chat up your friends here. What your Daddy did is wrong! U deserve better - don't settle.
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