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    little sub advice

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    #1 LittleDream

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    Posted 12 August 2019 - 11:20 PM

    I’m here, writing this to you, because the thoughts rolling around in my mind require a response.

     

    My personal life is developed. There are no kids, but I have been married for two years. I’ve been going to the community college and I am halfway to my associates degree. I’ve known my husband for about a decade and I can’t imagine a life without him and I don’t want to. However, I’m concerned because I can’t stop thinking about being a submissive and a little. 

     

    As a couple, we are very vanilla. My husband is aware of my submissive tendencies and tries to explore it occasionally, but doesn’t seem like he is all that interested. I appreciate his effort, he is extremely special to me. I just don’t know what to do about my desires. I should probably ignore them and feel special and blessed with what I have.

     

    In school this past year, I have significantly built up my confidence. I learned quite a bit about having a positive attitude, avoiding the OK plateau (which is essentially settling with what you are or what you have) and having a growth mindset. I’ve also learned about cognitive distortions, which have really brought about a whole new world of thoughts through my mind.

     

    The cognitive distortions really impacted me. It mind sound a bit dramatic, but I’ve been considering what is real and what is just my perception of things. Specific things, like being a little, and a sub, to a daddy. It should be said that these are only thoughts that I have been having the past year, I have no real experience with these dynamic relationships.

     

    I’d like to understand how little/daddy dynamic is in reality. What I envision is pretty extreme, 24/7 care and command. To me, It doesn’t really sound fair to a daddy to have that sort of desire. Isn't too selfish and unrealistic?

     

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    #2 Dolliekisses

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    Posted 13 August 2019 - 12:38 AM

    I could never be a 24/7 little. I’m an adult with my own kid and my own very adult life and that includes adult things I love doing too. It would drive me batty to be forced to be fully dependent on another person, not to mention how exhausting it would be on my caregiver. Yikes!

    Kudos to those who can have a relationship like that but that’s not for me.

    Edited by Dolliekisses, 13 August 2019 - 12:39 AM.

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    #3 LittleDream

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    Posted 13 August 2019 - 03:22 AM

    Thanks for your response, Dollie.

     

    I feel like I should share a bit more about why a 24/7 dynamic is what I desire. I use my own submissiveness to achieve my goals, but it’s not easy. I succeed in school because I aim to please each teacher. I’m going to school in the first place to get a decent job and support my husband, to give him everything he wants and needs. Pleasing others is very critical to my self worth. However, it is a struggle for me because I’m just not very good with structure. So, I strongly desire help (control) with encouragement, discipline, rewards and approval. When I sit down to do coloring, I only like color-by-numbers because it tells me what to do. It tells me what is expected, and it’s a small promise that the picture will turn out pretty.

     

    But, maybe this isn’t normal.


    Edited by LittleDream, 13 August 2019 - 03:44 AM.


    #4 rilauyu

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    Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:34 AM

    For some people, it's achievable to have a 24/7 dynamic like that. For others, it's simply not possible. 

    I relate to the idea of color-by-numbers because it tells you what to do. I still struggle to do anything unless I know exactly what is expected of me. So some people are just more inclined to suit a relationship that provides more reassurance and guidance, as opposed to one that requires you to be entirely independent. I know that I need a relationship involving more security and guidance than most other people, but thats something I'm going to have to be patient and find. I have faith it'll come, though. 

     

    Every relationship dynamic is different. I don't think it's impossible for you to find a dynamic that suits your desires, but you'd need to be patient and very open with what you need and want. Who knows, there might be someone out there that desires to be in that guiding role 24/7 just as you want to be in the opposite role 24/7. 

     

    Its a tricky thing to know when pleasing others as a source of your own happiness becomes unhealthy (because it certainly can), so make sure you are aware of your behaviours and your partners (when you find someone) and also aware of your feelings and such. It can be difficult, so just be aware. 



    #5 LittleDream

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    Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:39 AM

    Thank you Rilauyu for your kind thoughts and concern. ^_^

     

    When I met my husband, he spent a couple of years convincing me that I was allowing toxic people to get away with controlling me. Some people who were my own blood relations. I’m a little ashamed to talk about how naive I was back then because, even now, there are a couple people I can’t let go of. I deal with it by reminding myself that I’m helping them because I want, and need, to. It’s not the healthiest thing, I realize, but I’ve been getting much better at determining where my limits are. It helps that I see a therapist, too. ^_^;  My therapist is another way I use my submissiveness, because she theoretically pats me on the back for doing better/good or guides me when she thinks I'm getting off track.






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